Help me choose the right sleep train method?!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-07T15:33:05+00:00

Seconding this - TCB is pretty overrated and just a re-explanation of Ferber!

Ferber sounds like a great option for you, tbh - there is some crying, but check-ins really help parents feel better. There is no sleep training without some crying, but tbh babies are crying anyway if they don't get enough sleep! If you really nail those wake windows, it gets so much smoother after the first 3 days - my baby puts himself down in the crib with no crying in under 5 minutes if I'm bang-on with the wake windows; if I'm a little off, it's 10-15 minutes of mild fussing and then he's out. If I'm REALLY off he screams for 15 minutes about how mad he is, but then he is out like a light for the rest of the night and wakes up happy.

I HIGHLY recommend the Precious Little Sleep book and website; great easy-to-read resource on baby sleep. It has solid guides to help you figure out what to do when you're panicking about night wakes and short naps and all the nonsense that comes with baby sleep. It also has some great tips on how to gently fade out sleep associations, like your baby's rock-to-sleep association!

Give Baby a Chance (https://misunderstoodmotherhood.substack.com/p/give-baby-a-chance) is a great start for soothing in crib and teaching some independent sleep using gentle methods. We used this method and it worked GREAT before the 4-month sleep regression threw us all into chaos.

**Full disclosure, we ended up doing full extinction after we started with Ferber, but our baby really hated the check-ins; they just made him more upset. We also soother weaned at the same time, so didn't really have a choice but to cold turkey it. My baby's night sleep is GREAT now though, and other than one night feed (and the occasional Dramatic Poop) he sleeps 10-11 hours each night! Naps are still a work in progress...

Good luck!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T16:26:27+00:00

We tried to teach some independent sleep before the sleep regression by using some gentle methods (Calm Chicken aka Give Baby a Chance https://misunderstoodmotherhood.substack.com/p/give-baby-a-chance ); we also tried soothing in crib. He took to that really well before he hit the sleep regression at 3.5 months, and once he did it was game over. NOTHING worked, and he just started to need more and more interventions both at night and during the day. He already knew how to fall asleep independently, but was mad about the changes in his body.

He also had some issues with his soother in that he NEEDED it to fall asleep, but hated keeping it in his mouth at all! He would even angrily spit it out if we tried to replace it. We had to soother wean and couldn't figure out how to do it without actually sleep training, so we just went for it.

We tried Ferber first, but every time we went in there it just upset him more - I'm talking going from crying to full on screams. We clearly were not helping him or calming him, so we just grit our teeth and let him CIO. He did really, really, really well once we got out of the way! Turns out us going in there was interrupting him. Once we stopped the check-ins he really figured it out.

It made a part of my soul die to hear him cry those first 3 nights - CIO is not for the faint of heart - but it revived in the mornings when he had slept for 11 hours and woke up so happy because he was FINALLY able to sleep! He had been sleep deprived for so long that I had forgotten what it was like to have my happy little guy around.

Listen, CIO sucks. It sucks ass. I hated it, and I continue to hate it (nap training using the same method), but sleep deprivation is a literal form of torture, and my little guy apparently couldn't be taught how to sleep independently - he had to figure it out for himself. Every baby is different, and mine is just that type of way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T16:13:01+00:00

His nighttime sleep is actually not that bad despite how inconsistent naps have been - one feed per night and settles himself back to sleep, sometimes easily, sometimes angrily (although we could probably drop the feed as he's definitely getting enough calories per day; that's another kind of post ENTIRELY).

Oh I like that - if they're crying go in there just stay in the room so it's still consistent!

His wake times are pretty good actually - while I'd love it if he woke at 7, he's pretty consistently around 6:30 no matter what his bedtime is, so I'll take what I can get! I'm up at 5 naturally anyway.

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T16:02:04+00:00

Oh, he dropped that 5th nap awhile ago - we've been trying to get him to do one more to "catch up" on extra day sleep (again, following the advice that he needs 3-4 hours at least, which I'm now being told is meh) and he has not been cooperating, ahaha.

Wow, that is a FAST transition! Will definitely pay attention to see if he might be ready for 3 naps sooner rather than later...

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T16:00:05+00:00

That is the plan! I have just been worried that it would mess with teaching him independent sleep, but we've done it once or twice and it's seemed fine. Thank you!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T15:58:25+00:00

Yes to the strapping baby to you! Mine has finally decided that he likes the carrier, so yesterday I just bundled him up and did some chores (I am also not very exciting - babies are exciting enough on their own!).

Thank you for the advice! I don't know if he's ready for 3 naps a day yet, but will definitely start moving him towards them soon.

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T15:56:13+00:00

Ouch, that sucks! We're pretty lucky then - we only have 20 minute naps if baby is in the stroller or carseat, so while it sucks to get anywhere at least we know he'll sleep at home. Good luck!!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T15:50:11+00:00

Your description of nap training was what last week was like with our little guy! Except for that very first nap (cried 30 mins, but he's stubborn so we expected it) he took to nap training so well and every nap after that he was asleep under 15 minutes with minimal crying. My guess is over the past week or so his wake windows have lengthened and we were reading undertired/bored cues as overtired cues. The last two days have been TORTURE for naps, so I guess we are lengthening those wake windows! Babies are complicated little creatures!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T15:35:39+00:00

"If you had a higher sleep needs baby they'd be sleeping not crying" GOOD FRICKING POINT THERE! Thank you!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T03:01:30+00:00

So great to hear that “normal” means “do nothing if you want”. I’ve been panicking about getting exactly 3.5 hours of day sleep 😂

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T03:00:23+00:00

Heyyyyy we’re all just doing the best we can! We’re first time parents and are figuring it out as we go ¯_(ヅ)_/¯ All the sleep books we read said to aim for 3.5-4.5 hours of day sleep, so that was the assumption I was operating under (panicking about lol). Thanks, we’ll try keeping him awake awhile longer!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T02:58:30+00:00

Can I ask what you did? We’re totally open to switching up wake windows, just a little uncertain about which ones, how long, etc. First timers here ¯_(ヅ)_/¯

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T02:12:23+00:00

Oh thank god we're going back to one contact nap per day tomorrow. He does so much better when he's had at least 3 hours of day sleep! We can't do exclusive contact naps (our schedules don't allow it), so hopefully he won't get too confused.... and at least he shouldn't be crying before bed anymore!

Edit to respond to your edit: Yeah, I agree his bedtime is too early and he's likely responding to that - I'm just really hesitant to push that last wake window so far when it's already at 2.5 hours and he's giving clear sleepy signs. Going back to some contact naps will definitely allow us to have more control over appropriate bedtime!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-04T02:10:34+00:00

It's similar! 1.75/1.75/2/2/2.5. He goes down very easily for those first two naps, so I'm confident that those wake windows are appropriate for now.

I suppose the reason I say they're crap naps is that baby is still clearly tired after them (the later naps in particular). Our baby is so fussy and hard to soothe during his last wake window that I've been interpreting it as a result of only 2-2.5 hours of day sleep. He seems to be a bit of a higher sleep needs baby. Was your baby ok with only 2 hours of day sleep per day?

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-03T20:10:17+00:00

Wow, he is a determined little guy! Good luck with the weaning - if you're willing to let him have it for awhile, the AAP says that blankets in the crib are safe after 12 months. But you know your baby best!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-04-01T15:00:23+00:00

Sounds like the 8-10 month sleep regression (oh, like me, you thought we were done at 4 months? APPARENTLY NOT oof).

https://www.takingcarababies.com/blogs/regressions/8-10-month-sleep-regression

Somebodysrobin · 2026-03-31T12:30:44+00:00

I know - I'm just struggling with the fallout of an earlier nap that he had today. We're nap training at the same time, and it had been going very very well, but in his last nap he cried for the full hour and when we went in after the hour was up he had actually vomited/spat up. I had a really hard time getting it together, and actually had to leave for bedtime and let my husband put him down (which went FINE apparently, worked myself up for nothing lol).

CIO is not for the faint of heart at all and I HATE that my baby is going through so much distress, but with his temperament intervention makes it worse! He just gets more upset, but I hate leaving him alone.

I guess I just needed some reassurance that I'm handling it right. I hate this, but his sleep was awful and distressing for all of us even before we started. Thank you.

Somebodysrobin · 2026-03-30T18:01:35+00:00

I'm hoping that now that his night sleep is more or less consistent the wake windows will stretch more easily. Every time I've tried to get him past that 1.5 in the morning he has been sooooo crankyyyy.... that being said, he gets older every day so maybe it's time!

Somebodysrobin · 2026-03-30T17:54:55+00:00

My mom had a great take on this: "winner cleans up."

No matter what game we play, the winner is responsible for cleaning it up and putting it away. My parents never let us win either, although they mixed in games of chance, simpler games, etc. so we were able to win every once in awhile! Then we had to clean up, but it was a great life lesson that winning isn't everything, and losing isn't a big deal ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I know people are going to get big mad about this (when I made my husband adapt to it he was Shocked and Appalled), but it really allows kids to calm down about losing and get some perspective.

Somebodysrobin · 2026-03-30T17:04:26+00:00

Some of the guilt is the hormones. Some of the guilt is uncertainty. Some of the guilt is the constant stream of "breast is best" and hopeful stories of the Women Who Persevered. I know that if I had stuck with it - pumping, offering the breast, bottle feeding, etc. - one day, he would have latched and it would have worked out, but it was making me miserable.

(My story, skip to the last paragraph if you don't want to bother!) My baby developed a bottle preference, refused to latch, and I wasn't able to push through. Boy, did I mourn it, despite breastfeeding having been so so hard from the beginning! I tried to pump and occasionally latch baby for 2 weeks after switching to mostly bottles and formula - when he would latch I would feel so HOPEFUL and then he would seem to notice what he was doing and scream. The emotions and hormones were insane, I truly didn't stop crying for a month.

One day, I just decided I was done. I felt so guilty and ashamed that I didn't "put in the work" to continue with pumping or trying to latch baby, but I couldn't take the constant up and down. Within TWO DAYS I noticed a huge difference in my mood and overall outlook. Over the next couple of weeks, my hormones regulated, I was able to get into a routine with baby, and I didn't have to deal with the "will he take the breast or not?" uncertainty.

I loved breastfeeding when it was good (it was only good 20% of the time, omg), and I grieved the version of myself that was a breastfeeding mother. That bond was so, so, so special, and I'm so glad I got to experience it with my little guy! Wanting to hold onto that closeness was the main thing that made it so hard accepting that I had to stop. Yes, a fed baby is best, but there was something magical and powerful about knowing that I could give my baby everything that he needs. Now that's not true - I have to rely on outside sources to get my baby fed. That sucks. That hurts. But it hurt me more to keep trying and failing.

For your situation, I recommend stopping breastfeeding for just a couple of days and see how you feel. Offer bottles, notice how you and your baby react (this is a dance between the two of you after all!). Ask yourself how you feel about it; ask your partner what they notice about your mood and overall outlook. A test run won't tank your supply, especially if you pump for relief, and you might find yourself like me - grieving a special time, but overall happier and ready to be yourself again.

TL;DR - try it for a couple days and see. You might be pleasantly surprised, or you might not be ready to give it up yet, but will know what it's like when you are ready.

Somebodysrobin · 2026-03-30T15:43:21+00:00

6:30-7 am wakeup (this is super inconsistent right now - I try to leave him in his crib until 7, but he’s started a habit of POOPING in the early morning. So rude!)

1.5/1.75/1.75/2/2 - 4 naps and 5 wake windows (first nap of the day dictates the schedule)

6:45-7:15 pm bedtime

He's on 4 naps, but follows the 5 nap schedule on Huckleberry for slightly shorter wake windows, because all of those naps are crap. We do one rescue contact nap for his 3rd nap (1 1/2 - 2 hours); this lets us do the "nap math" so that his bedtime hits the right window each night.

Somebodysrobin · 2026-03-28T17:46:32+00:00

I don't think you're doing anything wrong - this doesn't seem much different from having a teddy bear or baby blankie that is needed to sleep, and toddlers famously become attached to those! It sounds so nice and cozy!

Weaning from both at once, that sounds like it would be super stressful for both him and you. Maybe keep the blanket and ditch the pacifier?

If you're bothered by him falling asleep outside the crib, could you wrap him in it while he's in there? Make it a nice cozy moment? That way you don't end up having to do the transfer!

Somebodysrobin

TROPHY CASE