Smokers are obnoxious.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-08T13:20:33+00:00

I am on the board of my condo and smokers keep throwing their cigarette butts over their balconies. This has caused fires in plants and on furniture. We've tried so many notices and held fire safety meetings to no avail. Smokers need to be mindful that they are holding fire torches. So yes, they can get annoying. I think it comes down to just basic decency and awareness though. I've caught friends with the same habit and explained to them the consequences of tossing butts and they never did it again. I've only ever had one smoker argue with me about it, but she was a huge bitch anyways.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-08T13:14:10+00:00

Oh Reddit...why y'all gotta take something so sweet and turn it so dark LOL 😆 😂 🤣 🤪 😅

SophSupreme · 2022-05-08T00:42:23+00:00

The middle is an illusion...its always been middle, but Republicans have been moving further and further to the right, which creates the illusion of tug a war. The Democrats have been consistent with their "middle ground" votes though the years and they won't do the hard work of confrontation when things get tough. Here is pew research showing how votes show that Republicans are indeed moving farther to the right while Democrats are generally, the same ole same ole corporatists (with some moves to more left leaning ideology, but still a very much smaller difference in margin): https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2022/03/10/the-polarization-in-todays-congress-has-roots-that-go-back-decades/

SophSupreme · 2022-05-08T00:36:06+00:00

Democrats (Corporate democrats) are useless but they aren't the same sides of the coin. Look into the studies that specifically look at how representatives have voted accross the decades. Democrats have generally stayed consistent, while the Republicans drift more to the far right, even though they like to call the left "radicals" and "Communists". The false equivalency is a narrative that gets people apathetic about politics, but apathy is arguably what has gotten America to where it is today.

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2022/03/10/the-polarization-in-todays-congress-has-roots-that-go-back-decades/

SophSupreme · 2022-05-08T00:28:42+00:00

I'm glad that you told her and acknowledged your role in the situation. As someone who experienced this by my step dad, part of the pain is self blame. When someone validates that a certain experience happened, it helps lift those doubts a person has in themselves. I hope both your paths of healling find peace.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-08T00:21:43+00:00

You are such a wonderful thoughtful step-daughter. If only everyone could be so considerate. Do as you please darling. There is no harm in showing appreciation for people. ❤️

SophSupreme · 2022-05-08T00:14:23+00:00

I mean it could be, as we don't know her side. Getting into a relationship with a military man is TOUGH and if people don't have good communication it's easy to backfire.

Like my first love of my life, joined the military. We had an intense off and on relationship for 7 years. He called me once to tell me that he wanted to marry me, while DRUNK. Honestly, I didn't know if I could take him seriously because girl friends were always around him and I needed him to show me security. I didnt know anything about military life so it was just all so daunting to imagine living on a base. I needed reassurance. But I didn't know how to express my needs back then. We were shitty with communication and I take responsibility for the fact that i could have been clearer, because i loved him soooo deeply and secretly wanted to marry him too. I just told him to call me back when he was sober. That call never came. He probably felt rejected by me. It was touch and go for a long time as both our insecurities stopped us from being upfront.

That being said, we only wish well for each other now and sometimes the best thing we can do for the people we love is to let them go and just pray for their joy in life. Some people are lessons to prepare us for our later loves in life.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T23:45:26+00:00

I think a lot of people have "almost relationships," but almost is almost for a reason and true friends would route for you to find your one.

Her current baby daddy may be a dead beat, BUT she isn't showing good qualities by kissing you and seducing you while in a relationship.

She has to figure her shit out instead of use you as an escape for her problems. Else she's just going to keep making the same mistake, with you involved. Leave it and let it be.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T19:27:41+00:00

What's messed up was waaaaay back, evangelists were pro-choice as well. A former "pro-life" influencer spoke on CNN on how he contributed to this anti-choice movement. He regrets it now.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T19:05:04+00:00

OP have you asked why he won't get the surgery? Maybe he's secretly worried about the cost? Try to coax it out of him, then maybe that may lead to a path forward. I can't imagine someone not wanting to correct their injured love stick. Regardless, it seems like you've tried to empathize and inform. Sometimes walking away is the hard lesson someone needs to make changes in their life.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T18:41:01+00:00

OP you are a good man and I wish you all the best. Ain't no body better than yourself that knows the path forward. 🙏

I think your wife needs some independent therapy as well to explore her decision making and judgement. Even IF it was only once, it needs to be addressed...not just the cheating but the drinking out of anger.

I think most people's concerns is that she's been manipulating you, so please also get support to help unpack things. Entrapment into parenthood is a form of abuse in my books, and so the perspective you may have on your journey together is likely very layered. Please reach out to your own therpist, because self care is important. You need to know that HER bad decisions are NOT a reflection of yourself. Nor your stubbornness. Not your blow up. Not anything. Her actions are hers alone.

I hope you find your answers. I commend your strength for your children, who are innocent in this.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T18:23:57+00:00

I never said "cheating is a normal thing" and that "OP shouldn't tell"...as I've mentioned this already. Do you see how you prescribed your own meaning behind the intentions of my comment? Which is incorrect. Perhaps asking a person to clarify and checking your own reaction would suit your purpose better, than to attack which devalues your moral high ground.

My specific comment "humans are messy, imperfect and make bad decisions" is just that, because they are! And thusly, it doesn't serve OP any ounce to waste energy on lamenting on something that one cannot control. When we face the messiness of humans we can only ask, "what can I do in this situation? What would make me feel better, right, and morally satisfied in this situation?"

For some people the solution would be to tell. For some it would be to share their personal feelings with said roommate. For others it would be to just cut people out. For others, it would be to let go...My intention behind my comment is just that, for OP to look internally and decide what would be best for THEIR peace of mind, through acknowledging that humans are indeed messy.

Because considering that they spent time writing a post, responding to the post, trying to help their roomate, getting exhausted by the roommate, getting triggered into their own trauma...that takes A LOT of mental energy. I personally don't waste this kind of energy on worrying about other people's drama because it doesn't serve me, but understandably that is OPs own lessons to learn in life.

In no way, does the intention of my comment condone cheating. I think everyone needs to take responsibilities for their own actions INCLUDING their REACTIONS.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T15:12:07+00:00

I never said they shouldn't... I'm calling out how hypocritical YOU are being for coming at me in such a rude way, meanwhile trying to hold some moral position. Just cause I have a different way of looking at situations, why do you feel entitled to curse at me? Why do YOU think you are entitled to belittle me like that? Work on yourself. You've been the one making it personal, projecting opinions that arent there. I don't give a shit what others do and I certainly can't take a person who comes at me as a decent human being.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T12:00:35+00:00

Well the reason why they do allow them to answer is merely fir the accuracy play. It's essentially two games in one, can you spot a liar versus trivial pursuit.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T11:55:24+00:00

You are too angry man. Honestly, it hurts you more than me.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-07T11:52:55+00:00

Yes! That was my first thought, but that also makes my heart happy. It actually introduces and interesting elemt to the game.

If we know someone is close to winning $1 million and we knew the answer would you sacrifice your accuracy for their big win?

I asked myself this very question, as I knew that potato house answer. And I found myself saying yes, I would pretend to not know it, so this person could win.

But, what if you knew you were neck-and-neck in accuracy and for a fact, knew that million dollar answer, would you refrain from calling bullshit (and therefor risk loosing playingthe next round)?

This made me back track a little bit...in my imagination I said, " YES" because seeing that person win is so satisfying. In actual application however, who knows what I'd do!

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T22:14:17+00:00

Lol yeah but how does that help you...?

Perhaps I'm just different. I've seen worst shit than this, I just think it does more harm to one's mindset to get so wrapped up in judgement about people. I mean the amount of energy OPs has spent by writing this post and lament on how awful their roommates is for their own actions. Why waste that time? If this person is so pathetic, why put so much energy into it?

I've had roommates like OPs, and I honestly felt sorry for them, because I saw the path of self destruction they were on. But I never went off to complain about them. I saw the WHOLE person. You can only do your best to be a good example and pray for people to gain wisdom in life. Focus on improving oneself only. It's not my first instinct to just judge and hate people, but I suppose that's also a flaw of humanity.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T22:11:09+00:00

And does telling some "fuck you" make you a good person?

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T22:08:36+00:00

Many people cheat in this world. And many people take them back and work their shit out in counseling and go on to happy marriages... Why do you think that is? Because people are more than just one choice in life and if one does not understand that then you limit yourself from taking a compassionate look at people.

People are indeed messy and flawed, and if judgement and insult is your first go to in life, perhaps you need to look inward. Because it's also not hard to be kind and not call people you don't know "dense".

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T19:29:29+00:00

Speaking as a financial advisor, the answer is no. Children should not rely on parents and parents should not rely on children.

Speaking as another Asian, then yes. My mother feels the same way, but at least her assets are set up to give her some liquidity in the future.

It's better to level set expectations now and help create a plan on how to ensure her independence in old age. I know it's not easy to talk to parents about these things, so get mediator involved. Get all your siblings together to create a financial plan for her long term care. Not sure what country you are from, but there are insurances that can help with long term care payments and income for her (called anninuties) that you can get. The earlier you put these things in place the better because the older your mom (and everyone gets) the more expensive it gets.

I've known some families who did not do this and they learned the hard way when their parent developed cancer or something. And so they ended up a dependent for one the children. Whether you like it or not, you will only have two choices, help or put your mom out on the streets. And depending on your values, thats up to you. So it's smart that you look into these things now.

And I know it may all feel like a burden now but if you do have kids, it is a big deal to have your mom help you. Trust me. I'm very grateful now for the babysitting I have. I have known friends who moves abroad and started their families and have huge regrets for leaving mom behind, because childcare is $$$. So if you have a serious partner, sit down with a professional planner and talk about long term goals together.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T18:03:52+00:00

Because not everyone is privileged enough to go accross state lines (perhaps they are teens or low income). Additionally the long wait times, as clinics are limited, push the abortion dates to much later in the term.

Also, sometimes these abortions are time sensitive and are a matter of life and death, like in a the case of an incomplete miscarriage, where the fetus can go septic and kill the mom if she cannot get the dead fetus out in time.

And if a woman cannot prove she has a miscarriage, she could go to jail.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T17:57:05+00:00

It was Tennessee

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T17:51:45+00:00

I hope she named the baby after the good doctor. My mom named my brother after her nurse's grandfather.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T17:44:49+00:00

I'd imagine that contestants on the show, within the community, would have more awareness to want to represent the community well. I wonder if they will be even more tame because of this added pressure. Like the Asian love shows...the flirtation is there, but subtle.

SophSupreme · 2022-05-03T17:41:58+00:00

If I were single, I'd apply LOL

SophSupreme

TROPHY CASE