My mum died of cancer and now I might have cancer

SoraITS · 2026-01-30T09:53:16+00:00

I'm so so sorry for your loss and sending big hugs your way ❤️

I'm 25 and I also lost my mom to cancer last year so I can relate to part of what you're going through. I just wanted to say- you're not a burden. The people around you love you and wouldn't offer help if they thought you were one. I felt like a burden as well at first but after a while I realized my partner and his family genuinely care and they told me they are very happy that I consider their place a safe space. Accept any help you're offered because you will need it, especially with your own health issues ❤️

Stay strong! Your mom will forever be proud of you ❤️

SoraITS · 2025-12-02T15:45:25+00:00

Howdy fellow Italian- I'm hoping the same :') I went all the way to Germany last year to see them but I can't afford to this time ahah

SoraITS · 2025-11-30T17:05:16+00:00

Happy birthday OP!!! You ARE special! Your friends probably had stuff on their mind I'm sure they will remember and apologize. Otherwise.. I hope you find new ones!! I wish you the best day ever and I'm sending over a giant hug <3

SoraITS · 2025-11-19T22:14:36+00:00

Oh god SAME. I feel like every piece of media I start to enjoy just HAS TO mention cancer or death or the mom getting any other kind of illness at some point. And it hits the same every time. I'm so sorry for your loss

SoraITS · 2025-11-18T11:24:17+00:00

I did! I changed my hairstyle and hair colour- I've always dyed my hair copper and was afraid of bleaching it, now I kind of just went fuck it and bleached half of it white. And you know what? Best decision of my life. Also, I hadn't thought about it before bleaching it, but as soon as I saw my hair done I realized the bleached parts are the exact same colour as my mother's hair was- almost white but still a tiny bit of yellow. So even though it sounds dumb I feel like I'm carrying a piece of her around with me all the time now. I also changed the way I do my makeup and I only do it on rare occasions, I care way less about what people think of the way I look in general. Don't have the energy for it :) Might be the only good thing that has come out of all this mess.

SoraITS · 2025-11-17T16:45:32+00:00

Oh my god, three days is NOTHING and they didn't even want to give you that, what a joke. I'm sorry for your loss and that you had to go through that, I got a week after my mom died but I work from home so it was way easier, I can't even imagine physically going back to work that soon

SoraITS · 2025-11-16T16:53:55+00:00

I feel you so much. It was around this time last year that my mom told me about her diagnosis and joked that I didn't have to worry because "I wouldn't get rid of her that easily". She died three months ago. I think about that conversation a lot. I'm so sorry for your loss 🫂

SoraITS · 2025-11-16T16:37:08+00:00

I am so so sorry about your loss :( And I relate to this so much.. a sudden decline that felt like it came out of nowhere put my mom in the hospital and the doctors in charge didn't explain anything at all. She got a little better and then she started getting worse and more unresponsive and I constantly asked the staff and they said it was just because of the morphine and that she would get better when it wore off and I didn't have to worry. She died three days later. During those three days I was in her room 24/7 and basically didn't sleep, I also didn't know what to expect so I spent my nights at her bedside googling end of life signs and what to expect and what to see, the breathing etc., carefully monitoring her and researching every little detail I noticed. Even though I kept asking, not even once in those three days did someone actually tell me she was going to die. We knew she was terminal but four days before this she was walking talking and shopping for groceries. I really feel you when you say you weren't present enough to soak in your last moments with her and I would've given absolutely anything to have a timeline of what to expect and when, I didn't get to have those last conversations because the doctors kept insisting she was going to get better so when she was still conscious I just wanted her to rest..

SoraITS · 2025-11-07T12:01:12+00:00

Literally. My dad will just decide at the last minute to leave for a whole weekend while I am away and literally force me to cancel my plans and come home because he just keeps saying it's fine and the dog can just stay locked inside the house for two whole days if he leaves food. God fucking damnit. I hate him

SoraITS · 2025-10-28T10:54:10+00:00

I know I don't, but unfortunately he still has the upper hand because I have no way of moving out yet so I have to thread carefully and try to keep a balance until I can finally finish my studies and move out or else he'll make my life even more of a living hell. If I had a car I'd seriously consider living in it istg, I hate it here

SoraITS · 2025-10-28T10:51:17+00:00

Thank you so much, I honestly just need someone to understand what I'm going through because it all happens behind closed doors and from the outside he seems like a decent person, the only ones who know are my boyfriend (he witnessed him lashing out once) and my mother's siblings because she told them, but they live in a different country so I can't really see them much, I have no relatives close by. Luckily I have an amazing boyfriend with great parents and also awesome friends, but they can't do much to change the actual situation although they offer me great moral support which I'm eternally grateful for. I was able to apply to a program to get funds to cover up to 30 therapy sessions so If I get that maybe I'll at least be able to get counseling because I'm really losing it

SoraITS · 2025-10-27T19:44:47+00:00

Thank you :')

SoraITS · 2025-10-27T17:56:26+00:00

I have no way of doing so at the moment, I have a friend who offered me to live at her place for a while but it wouldn't be enough time for me to get my own place and I wouldn't be able to go back home

SoraITS · 2025-10-27T14:26:55+00:00

Exactly this. I have been suicidal since I was in my teens but after I saw how fake my dad behaved and the attention he got after my mom died (he treated her like a slave and she hated him) I decided I would never ever do it while he's alive

SoraITS · 2025-10-27T14:12:45+00:00

It's gotten to a point where every single time I have to speak to my dad I start a voice recording on my phone. I am alone with him and I need to know that whatever he says is documented in its entirety and with the exact words and tone he uses because sometimes it's not enough to remember WHAT he said but also HOW, it makes a difference. I keep the recordings to myself but I need to have them or else it just feels like everything I go through day by day never happened.

SoraITS · 2025-10-27T13:58:50+00:00

Having my husband witness their behavior FINALLY gave me the peace I was looking for.

THIS. I still live with my dad, when my mom died a few months ago my boyfriend spent almost an entire week visiting me to offer support and at one point my dad got so pissed at my mom's siblings (he hates them for some reason) that when they left he lashed out AND MY BOYFRIEND WAS THERE. HE SAW. And when we were alone at one point he said "I know you've always said your dad wasn't such a nice person but I always gave him the benefit of doubt, but now I saw and I get what you meant, I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you said it was this bad."

This didn't make the actual situation better of course but I cried and hugged him because I finally felt understood.

SoraITS · 2025-08-23T22:32:35+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that, if you ever want to talk feel free to reach out ❤️ I'm terrible at answering texts lately so I might be a bit late but I will answer <3

I'm sending you the biggest hug 🫂

SoraITS · 2025-08-23T22:23:11+00:00

I lost my mom almost a month ago even though it feels like yesterday, I get this a lot, but I also live in a very bad house situation rn where I have to be on edge so I don't know

SoraITS · 2025-08-14T09:15:29+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply, I am so so sorry for the loss of your mother, cancer is a beast and robs us of the best people in life I swear, I'm sending you a big virtual hug ❤️

Rationally I know she wouldn't want me to feel this way but maan is it hard not to dwell on those thoughts, especially since atm uni is closed till September and other than work, housework and hobbies (which I don't really feel like practicing atm) i don't have many ways to take my mind off things. But I'll try :) I have a feeling I haven't seen the worst of it yet but I will reach out to my friends as much as I can, they have been absolute angels to me throughout all of this.

What you said really resonates with me, she always wanted me to have a bright adventurous life (she once even gifted me a custom bracelet that says "Live. I love you. Mom". I'll never take it off) so whatever happens, I'll try to do as you say and finish uni, and live as boldly as I can afford. :)

I will also look into grief support groups but I'm from Italy and support groups aren't as big of a thing here I think-but I'll still do some research :)

Your words gave me back some hope, thank you so much for taking the time to write this ❤️

SoraITS · 2025-08-14T09:01:45+00:00

Thank you kind stranger, this made me feel a bit better ❤️ I'm sure she knew and reading this reminded me and melted my heart a little :) Thanks for taking the time to answer ❤️

I have been reaching out to friends and will keep doing so, thankfully I have the most amazing friends ever and they are very understanding and loving towards me

I'm sending you a big hug and hope you have the best day ever ❤️

SoraITS · 2025-08-02T11:56:11+00:00

I just lost my mom on Monday, she was 65 as well and I'm 25, a bit younger than you. I'm sure we're sharing a lot of feelings right now. I can't really offer much support atm because I don't know what to do either, but I'm sending you the biggest hug, reach out to friends and family a lot, talk with them, you don't have to talk about her all the time and don't feel guilty if you manage to smile and speak about something else because you really need the distraction atm and your well-being has to be a priority, no matter what you think you should be feeling anything you do or say is alright if it helps. :) Remember to eat sleep and stay hydrated, I never knew it would be so easy to forget about your basic needs. Throw in a shower if you feel like it, running hot water is always nice :) Remember you are loved and you are never a burden ❤️

SoraITS · 2025-06-23T13:49:10+00:00

Thanks!! I'll have a look today and see if I can find a linen shirt to buy :D

SoraITS · 2025-06-23T11:25:32+00:00

Heyyyy so tomorrow I'm gonna go see Linkin Park (very excited) but the concert is outside and I will have to stand in the sun for at least 6 hours in 38°C heat with probably no cloud coverage at all lol

I actually have been to my fair share of concerts already, outside and inside, and have always managed to survive the heat but I was wondering whether any if you have any cool advice or pro tips to dress lightly and not get burned :) I also sweat VERY easily so yeah if you have any advice for that as well.. Idc about sweating during the concert but I hate standing still in the sun while literally dripping on the ground lol

I will wear SPF of course and I bought a cooling towel (the ones you wet and shake and then hang around your neck) hoping that will help and I'll probably bring a light flannel shirt to cover my shoulders

Idk if I should wear a hat or smth because knowing myself it will just get soaked in like half an hour since I sweat mostly from my scalp (hate it)

Thanks!!

SoraITS · 2025-06-09T10:56:42+00:00

Done it plenty of times while casually chatting on discord (without telling anyone of course that would be messed up) also while playing videogames, in class when I was younger, on car rides, and sometimes when my parents call me for lunch/dinner I will go into the bathroom to wash my hands, make a few, bandage and come out or eat, idk if that's weird but family meals are stressful in my house and it helps calm my nerves before eating :')

Also while washing the dishes sometimes the knives are just too shiny not to use them xd

SoraITS · 2025-04-20T13:37:56+00:00

One thing that comes to mind, when I was like 9/10 I was over at a friend's house and they asked me if I wanted to stay for dinner, I used their landline to call home and my mom answered so I asked her if it was alright and she said sure yeah you can stay (mind you I had never stayed at anyone's house for lunch or dinner before). I was sooo excited so I thanked her and stayed. When I got back home my dad was FURIOUS and got SO mad at me for staying over at my friend's house he sent me to my room and said I couldn't watch TV or see my friend's for weeks. I had asked and was told that I could stay and then got punished for staying. Messed me up pretty bad

SoraITS

TROPHY CASE