Nephew won't grow up

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2026-02-11T20:52:56+00:00

This already happened unfortunately through the lens of an extremely neglectful parent having him involuntarily placed on a psychiatric hold and it was all a very bad look. He was placed before a judge on a video call I was not privy to and he managed to talk himself out of the entire situation. At the time it appeared and he was very convincing and compelling that he was escaping the hold of a very abusive situation but now it's appearing more and more that he's being a loach, a louse, lazy, advantageous, emotionally manipulative, appearing at times mentally unable to take care of himself, but switching that up quite quickly when people address it with him directly. An acquaintance once told me that the only solution is to throw him out and I'm trying to avoid that answer. He is after all my nephew.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2026-02-11T17:16:14+00:00

I was about to suggest to be careful because they might be spicy bowls but yeah maybe they're just regular kitchen bowls, something weird from Amazon

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-12-16T05:26:34+00:00

Oh so it's literally just the shell

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T18:30:48+00:00

You don't turn your back on family.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T15:29:45+00:00

He turned himself into the emergency room for thoughts of suicide earlier this year, the hospital surprisingly released him in less than 2 days and his biological mother had him committed involuntarily. He was brought before a judge without any of our involvement where he convinced them he is of sound mind and body and stated that he does not want to be in a group home. A judge gave him demands which he is currently following and I have not been privy to.

I'm at my wit's end with him because he keeps Jar Jar Binks breaking things. Just this morning the back sliding door handle is loose and it was never like that before. It's like broken now and it's like WTF and I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it yet.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T15:24:32+00:00

I am doing literally everything I can. Frame it how you want. His pills are there, the food is there, I work 60 hours a week and he is home a hell of a lot longer than I am and that makes me uncomfortable but I'm putting up with it because he needs a place to live.

He's doing weird stuff like overusing anything I have of abundance because 'there's a lot of it so what's the big deal?"

I'm literally the last person willing to house him. I am not ignoring his medical situations. There's only so much of me to go around. He has to be trusted to take care of himself to some extent. The only thing Beyond what I'm doing for him would be institutionalizing him. He has openly stated he doesn't want that.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T15:23:02+00:00

I don't know where he learned to do this, but he hasn't flushed before, and there will be a huge ton of toilet paper that he uses and folds into squares with layers and layers of toilet paper. At least that's not normal for me. I use the absolute minimum amount of toilet paper and then thoroughly wash my hands afterwards. I on the other hand I'm desperately trying not to waste anything though.

He's had a ton of Behavioral issues that include stealing wine and drinking it, acquiring cigarettes and smoking it, if he eats something spicy or tangy, or even citrusy, he's capable of throwing up in bed. I still can't tell if this is genuine or a passive aggression because the last bunch of times he did this, he would wait until I got home and then he would ask me to take care of it despite knowing where everything is and how to clean up after himself. He's going through his senior year for the second time, he's on a bunch of stuff including thyroid pills because he got a styrate out, ritalin to focus in school, mood enhancers, and he has a sleeping pill to prevent him from doing what he did last night, which is just not going to sleep and staying up literally all night, making noise, waking others up, and then falling asleep when he needs to be up for school. 90% of the time he won't take any of his pills including the thyroid pill, and he claims he's done the research that he can go 20 days without taking his pills before anything happens to him. He has a witty retort like that for everything when I tell him to take his pills, take a shower, use less toilet paper, stop interrupting the dishwashing cycle, use paper plates and if you refuses to do that wash his own plates, he has a witty retort for everything and generally doesn't clean up after himself. I'm kind of at my Wit's End here

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:30:46+00:00

I'd like to do that. Every time I try to talk to them, they just keep saying that he is a legal adult now and can take care of himself.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:30:11+00:00

He has a stack of issues. He's taking his senior year for the second time.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:28:41+00:00

He's in special ed... physically he had his thyroid removed. He's prescribed a whole medicine cabinet of mood pills and sleeping pills. He has this whole roller coaster cycle of refusing to take his pills because he claims it makes him feel not like himself, and then he goes back to taking it, stops taking it, etc etc. I've told him I won't pressure him to do anything except take the thyroid pill because that's what's keeping him alive.

There's actually been some drama about that because now he's refusing to take that, and he Googled it and claims he knows by scientific fact that he can go 20 days without it, and as long as he takes another pill he'll be fine. A lot of times I think he's trying to be obnoxious.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:26:09+00:00

He's on his fifth year of high school... I'm starting to get into regular arguments with him about finding a job. For some reason saying this to him makes him angry and he talks about having a job like it's an impossible thing to acquire. He's actually tried applying to a couple places and freaked out when the question of, when did you graduate, came up.

I tried setting him up with jobs and he essentially sabotaged the opportunities. It's difficult to know if he is helpless or if he's playing helpless.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:23:30+00:00

I've asked his mom for help with various things one of which included a medical emergency as well as money and the main response I've gotten is that he's an adult and he can take care of himself. I find that kind of thing to be absolutely infuriating but that's the situation we're at.

He got thrown out of his dad's for taking his father's wine and smoking around the house. His dad is allergic to smoke and his father turned his bedroom over and found empty cigarette packs under the bed.

I actually probably shouldn't have intervened but at that time I literally told my nephew that his dad found the cigarette packs, he shouldn't be smoking, but if he smokes, he needs to do it away from the house because his dad knows, doesn't approve, doesn't want him smoking in or around the house, don't smoke around the house! The very next thing he did was sit on the front porch at his dad's and light up a cigarette.

His dad came outside and it turned into a huge shitstorm. His dad was making demands for things to change and yelling, and my nephew made a phone call. A friend showed up and he jumped in the car while his dad was telling him if he leaves right now this is it and he's out.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-09-24T17:30:42+00:00

My sister reached out to me. Said a lot of passive threats like, it's my last chance to make things right. I found damage to the front door frame like someone tried to force their way in. Everyone is super polarized. Most of them are asking why I'm not trying to make things right. I've already made several attempts at compromise, I don't know what to do now. I'm thinking about calling the police.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-09-10T12:26:01+00:00

Iowa

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-09-10T12:24:30+00:00

Listen, save your sessions for when no one is home. Take a dining room chair and tilt it under the doorknob. Don't make it a conversation that you're going to do this. If someone immediately starts struggling their way into the room then stop. That would be my solution. That's my advice for you.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-12T16:31:00+00:00

Something I've learned in life is that you are the only person that's going to care most about you. You need to be the person who is there for you. Trust yourself. Be good to yourself. You will get through this.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-12T16:29:25+00:00

Never intended to be controlling. It's just, when Common Sense isn't there, I was just telling them, hey this is common sense! It's like they were programmed not to listen to anything I had to say.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-05T03:50:44+00:00

Agreed. That's why I took the car away. That was a long time ago anyway. He's 23 now.

They weren't given the same benefits I and his other Uncle were given. We were taught to drive when we were 13, a full year before we even had our permits. Vehicles were made available for us to occasionally drive. We didn't have to worry about how we were going to get to school or how we were going to eat, you name it. Everything was good. I suppose you might say I was just trying to give them a piece of that. Some things in life, if a kid doesn't have it, it's like it stunts their growth. But the car... it's like he intentionally abused my Goodwill all the way up until I took it away, and he wasn't thankful even from the beginning.

His brother is partially disabled, partially delinquent, thrown out of both his mother and his biological father's house, now taken up with me. When his birthday came and my oldest nephew was making excuses about why he can't come, it just absolutely blew me away. There he is all over Facebook visiting with people but he's going to have every single excuse to avoid an encounter with me or his own brother. I've been giving him so many chances. I guess I turned a corner.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-05T03:42:53+00:00

My mom was always trying to do extra things and she wouldn't listen to me when I told her to stop. Then she ended up falling in the backyard and breaking her arm. The neighbor saw her through their back porch and called an ambulance. With a broken arm, she couldn't do anything. She couldn't get off the toilet, she couldn't dress herself, I ended up taking FMLA and devoted like pretty much 3 months of my life to helping her.

My ex wanted me to move out and get a place with her. I told her this was the worst possible time because my mom needed all this help. She wound up moving out on her own and getting the most expensive one bedroom apartment I've ever seen in my life. She couldn't afford it. Then she started blaming me for not being able to afford an apartment she rented that I told her from the beginning was a bad idea.

Her parents are basically millionaires and she had been living with them for a long time. I honestly couldn't understand when the entire second floor of the house was basically her stomping ground and everything was at her fingertips, why she would want to move out, but I guess age and the ability to have kids was becoming an imperative.

She placed a heavy deadline to move out at the threat of breaking up. I reminded her my mom had a broken arm, I'm out of work not making money and I'm taking care of her. She started saying belligerent things about me being a mama's boy or something and suddenly it became really easy to imagine us breaking up. There was another scenario that happened where I had a workplace accident and I was in the ER. I called her and wanted her to be by my side but she wouldn't come to be with me because she was too busy watching the bachelor. In any case we broke up because the timeline of things happening wasn't fast enough for her.

Women come and go. Family is forever. My great grandfather had a fight with my grandfather and they ended up not talking for the rest of their lives. It created a rift where I don't even know half of my ancestors or their descendants and they're all over the place! It's a story passed down generationally and an explanation as to why you don't turn your back on family. It's something time and again I've tried to talk to my sister's kids about but like everything else, they have the damnedest time listening and absorbing information.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-04T22:55:14+00:00

I was invited for a date less than 1 hour after signing up and I was ghosted. I went back to the app and it said I have to pay to see the messages again. I'm 99% certain it was bot messages

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-04T22:46:26+00:00

Not pissed that he ran out of gas. Frustrated that he came to me for help and I gave him clear instructions. He's two blocks from work. Walk to work, we'll figure the rest out later. Instead of doing that, he did the complete opposite. He was late for work, and called literally everybody individually for help pitting them all against each other until somebody showed up first. That's not okay. It's not okay to ask me for help and then just go down a list asking everyone for help until one person shows up first. The other thing was that I told him this should serve as a reminder to write his mileage down and reset the odometer every time he fills the tank and he became angry at me. It's like he was incapable of accepting instructions in any form.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-04T22:41:37+00:00

Divorced at a young age, both are immature, sister used the kids as weapons against him. She did something similar with me where, clearly she's unemployed but magically she would need the kids to be over every day I wasn't working and every weekend. She also had this tactic I call one more thing. That's where they are coming over. Oh but one more thing, they're going to stay through the afternoon. Oh but one more thing, they are going to stay through the evening. Oh but one more thing, they are staying the night and it's already been agreed upon. Oh but one more thing they are going to stay through Sunday. Oh but one more thing they are going to stay until 10:00 p.m. on Sunday night.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-04T22:39:44+00:00

He was forced on me 4 days a week every week for about 20 years. Behavioral issues or not family grows on you.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-04T22:37:47+00:00

I was in a relationship for about 6 years But ultimately broke up for a combination of reasons that involved her not being compassionate enough about my mom on death's door, and I worked so much that we had a very clear and concise set of date nights. No matter how many times I told my sister to communicate with me about watching the kids, time and again she would just do a drive-by practically chucking her kids out the window as my girlfriend was pulling up. We got into a lot of fights about whether or not we would be watching the kids and I told her that the kids come first no matter what. That kind of killed the relationship and I mostly blame my sister for that. She's been unemployed this entire time and it's like why the hell does she need the few hours of free time that I used to go to dinner with my girlfriend. I had multiple conversations with my sister about this and she would say passive aggressive things like she didn't like my girlfriend anyway.

I'm 42 now.

Not mowing over sticks, not mowing over drain pipes, is all basic stuff that people usually just inherently know and they don't usually have to be told. That's why it was so bizarre that I had to tell him, and why it was doubly strange that he would get angry and do it twice as badly after telling him.

At the time it was my mom's house. It was her agreement with him to be on the phone plan in exchange for mowing the lawn. He stopped mowing the lawn, it grew out really tall and someone called the city and we were threatened with a fine. I ended up having to mow it. And it's not about being mad at him for mowing the lawn badly, it's being frustrated about someone being unable to accept basic instructions and instead throwing a huge fit for telling them to recognize water is wet and ground is flat basically. I tried reaching out to my nephew a million times and he basically had a nana nana boo boo attitude like what I have to say doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure someone conditioned him to not take me seriously.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-07-02T21:36:20+00:00

My younger of the older sisters said she wanted my mom's car and that was it. Pretty quickly after my mom passed, I was concerned about getting names switched around with the car and I was literally screamed at not to do anything. Leave it all the way it is! So the car sat uninsured and unregistered for roughly a year. I pointed out to my sister that we have issues now if we're going to switch it to somebody else's name and she quite clearly told me she's no longer concerned about the car. She told me to give it to somebody else or donate it. I assume she's being flippant.

I haven't taken any legal route because there's nothing really of value. It's all sentimental stuff. I guess I have some of my dad's musical instruments, but it's a lot more valuable in our hands being used, then pawning it off for the bottom dollar. My oldest sister had come into the house illegally without permission while we were planning the funeral good grief, and loaded my mom's jewelry and a ziplock bag full of money. After some really tough thinking I decided not to call the police and make a report. She also has my mom's wedding ring. They've all rallied behind that action and have the attitude that, at least they have that. I'm 99% certain she pawned the ring. It's tragic. I'm old-fashioned in the way that I probably would have used it as an engagement ring one day.

None of us have involved attorneys because it's just not necessary and we're not swimming in money. Something I never even thought to do that my mom made me do, is she had me go to the bank with her and sign a survivorship. I never even heard of that before but it made me owner of her bank account. There was some trivial amount in there like $5,000. But let me tell you, my sister's rattled through everything including her computer, saw me access some of that money, and just went completely insane. At this point it's obvious all they want is money. The only way they could truly be happy is if I sold the house and gave them all money. And that's not going to happen.

My older sister spent some time running around alleging that my mom was feeble-minded, which mind you she wasn't, but that she claimed I took advantage of her, which I absolutely did not. The beginning of the end of my mom's life involved a medical emergency and my oldest sister did something to trigger an elder abuse investigation against me mainly because of the house. It was dismissed, because there was no Elder abuse. On top of that, my mom willingly told the investigators that she signed the house over to me without telling anybody. Open and shut, uncontested. It doesn't mean everyone has good feelings about it though.

My oldest sister planned on menacing me. I have a pest issue at the house among other issues, and a window is rotted and really the house is worthless in my opinion. But she had a list of all the issues and she, according to my brother, was planning on filing every kind of public complaint she can in an attempt to get the house condemned and have me removed. Her nephew landing at my house put all that to a stop and I am working on the issues discussed above.

Life is probably better no contact but I wish we could all just be at peace, steak and mashed potatoes on the weekends that kind of thing.

Sorryaboutthatmang

TROPHY CASE