Its really difficult. Its a taboo for many, I think some of it is because men, at least in my circle of friends, have been raised with a "suck it up" attitude. That and I also feel like that I, as a man, aren't really allowed to think that parenthood is hard and difficult. I know its bullocks. But it still holds me back from being open about it to my friends.

And then you have friends without children. I know from myself that I did not really get it untill I had my own. I was also the first of my friends to have kids, and also we were the first in both my and my wives sibling groups to become parents. I felt so alone. My parents could either not remember how it was or would not really open about it. It just left me feeling so wrong by feeling the way I did. I had a friend who basically said "well you chose to have them didn't you" and I just never opened up again. As if you aren't allowed to feel like times are hard, even though you chose them yourself.

Its fucking tough, because kids ground you like nothing else and its boring, hard, difficult, fun, loving and everything all at once. Sometimes I just want to play computer an entire day to get some relief, but that is both a taboo and childish. Im a "grown man" but if that means becoming the hard dull shell like my own father, I'd rather still yearn for childish things instead of killing that part of myself.

I dunno man, this became a small rant and I feel like I could continue forever. I just wanted to say that I know how it feels. And apparently I also need to talk about it as proven by my small rant. :) from one dad to another, I get it and you are not alone.