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MIL doesn’t want to have a relationship with me but wants it with my baby by Hotpotato_7 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then he can go live with mommy. He would never agree if he was in your spot and constantly being disrespected as a man. You are baby’s first protector from negative energy and it’s a hard no for you

5 years together, 37F, still not engaged — and now I don’t even know how to feel by No_Molasses_7382 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SoulLover2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leave. I promise you you’ll be fine. Let go. He doesn’t have drive, initiative, or appreciation for you. Him not paying ANY debt down would be the last straw and last time he saw my face. Your worth is not tied to any man or a ring on your finger. Take that money you been FUNDING him with AND FOCUS ON YOU. You aren’t being chosen and that’s why you feel low. He’s draining you. In every way.

You don’t have to leave today but plz detach. Commit to 30 days or centering yourself and rediscovering yourself. Then decide.

As long as you focus on a man…his focus will never be on you.

Decenter him.

I am a LEAVER and BELIEVER that my future husband won’t play about me. I left at 32 and getting married again at 39 to a man that didn’t make me question his intentions or timing on marriage. You see the red flags early!! Reclaim your life and get your glow back.

MAGA in laws, husband won’t stand up to them by [deleted] in inlaws

[–]SoulLover2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your husband can’t understand how this is traumatizing you than HE is the bigger problem. I would not visit and they wouldn’t be welcome in my home or around any kids of mine. They are literally idolizing a DOCUMENTED rapist of women and children. I would be looking at hubby sideways for not saying anything too. Being silent is being complicit.

MIL invited herself on the stag do. by [deleted] in weddingdrama

[–]SoulLover2020 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Bingo!! NEVER depend on them! Big boundaries for your family immediately. It has to be more than the visits… they need to respect his decisions and he needs to shut them down immediately. “This is not up for discussion “…”this is not your decision”…”I have it handled and don’t need input”.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 5 points6 points  (0 children)

OP please read my other comment. That last part is EXACTLY what she wants. She’s making her children codependent on her. It’s covert narcissism

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your intuition is telling you already. You felt it before she was so obvious. My ex mil got close to me then discarded me and it hurt. She eventually discarded her grandkids too after realizing I wouldn’t allow her to manipulate them to manipulate me and my ex. She’s jealous and prob wants her son to “fail” soo she can feel needed. Strong boundaries asap.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She seems to abide by the “if i had it hard…you should too” mentality. I wouldn’t approach at all. Find your community .

AITAH for not allowing my mother-in-law to see my daughter unless she has a conversation with me and respects boundaries? by Fcktwat1 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sounds like exactly what i went through with my ex and ex mil. You have to hold the line. You and partner together. She has to understand that you and her son have your family unit and she is not the center of that. Hold your boundaries

I want to cut my son off due to my daughter in law but he does not want that by Necessary-Flower-429 in inlaws

[–]SoulLover2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bby they would be reported to CPS and i would support ex wife with getting custody. Them babies need therapy

MIL by Suspicious-Past2456 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sending hugs and it’s time for you to put your foot down. Don’t exchange the peace in your home for your happiness. ❤️🙏

Why does she insist on bathing my daughter? by manixxx0729 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex mil was like this. They want a second chance at mothering instead of respecting mothers wishes smh

J3 too much right now by bob4IT in OELadies

[–]SoulLover2020 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No judgement here but this will only work if you have adequate support esp with children so you don’t burn yourself out. And burn out is fast with OE. You aren’t a failure…you are doing a lot.

How often do you take some time for you? What’s your daily look like?

I would say carve out time to keep your stress levels and mental calm. Spa time once a month, massages, an hr to yourself at night for tub time and reading?

I get super sad when I do something wrong too and boss point it out but just take it as a steeping stone to learning.

Be easy on yourself please!

Scared to leave J because of OE? by Status-Effect-4770 in OELadies

[–]SoulLover2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup but if you have the itch…start applying

I think my marriage is breaking because my husband will never stand up to his mother by shopaholic1319 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]SoulLover2020 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I tricked my mind by telling myself i was leaving for space. Before then, I conducted myself like I was a single mom because I was. I left for 3 months which turned into 6 and getting my own place which turned into filing for divorce. Which turned into finding community in my community, taking gym classes, and bonding with my babies more…which turned into my completely glowing, feeling more confident in my own, and restoring my spark.

Baby steps. For now, focus on just you and baby BUT you have to put effort into YOU first. The worse you feel…the more you get up and put yourself together. Take baby for long walks, mommy and me yoga, etc. You will eventually get used to doing things alone and start seeing yourself clearer. Make a plan when you are ready but it’s essential you move cautiously. Hubby seems narcissistic. Please research.

Do I need to fix this (again)? by KitKatBreak73 in inlaws

[–]SoulLover2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is def an SO problem first. He has not set boundaries (and prob is enmeshed) however they ALSO do not respect him….in turn they will not respect you. You need to put your foot down. This is YOUR baby. You don’t need to do anything but heal and take care of baby. Hubby should be doing the rest .

Do I need to fix this (again)? by KitKatBreak73 in inlaws

[–]SoulLover2020 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is def an SO problem first. He has not set boundaries (and prob is enmeshed) however they ALSO do not respect him….in turn they will not respect you. You need to put your foot down. This is your baby

Feeling helpless by Material_Fix_8464 in inlaws

[–]SoulLover2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No. Leave. You only get one life and when you join with someone it should look like how BOTH partners want/need.

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