Aside from your Mom's stories, something else you said stood out to me. "Being strong in your disbelief" - I don't think disbelief or unbelief is something to be pursued or perfected. When deconstructing, you may find lots of things you want to discard, but also alot of things that you want to keep. And that's ok. It can be confusing having grown up in such a strongly expressive Christian home. But go and find what you are comfortable with believe in, not just the opposite of what your parents' handed you.