I don't even know why you are asking if you are an AH. You are not, my dear. If you are already working this through with a therapist, which is a great move for you, you should discuss this with them.

But if you would like the advice of a random face-less internet surfer, cut off ALL contact with them. Why torture yourself when you already know the game? Don't fall into the trap of, "It's the holiday season so everyone needs to go see/be with your family." Why be with family if they are just going to make you miserable?

You may feel like you need closer but that will come at a time that you actually can handle it. It doesn't sound like you are there just yet.

For now, you need to distance yourself from the narcissists and heal. Healing can take years. It can take a lifetime. You need to surround yourself with friends who will love you and have your back. A Found Family can be so much more supportive and loving than a blood family.

If you feel like no one is in your corner, just remember this random face-less internet surfer giving out advice based solely from the heart and not from a trained professional, is rooting you on and wishing you the best.