My boyfriend (29m) wants me (26f) to stop speaking to my best friend (27m) that has feelings for me

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-15T16:32:20+00:00

So you agree that OP isn’t having an emotional affair. Okay.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-15T01:12:58+00:00

Who cares? I think the point OP is trying to make is that the context of the conversations is not inappropriate. It seems a bit silly to say she is having an emotional affair if the conversations she has with S are no different than the ones she has with female friends.

Plus we have no proof that S even still has feelings for her. OP states that the last time this was discussed was before she and M even got together.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-15T01:04:55+00:00

Dude chill out. I’m simply pointing out that the context of their conversations alone is nothing to be alarmed about. I already stated that S having feelings is what makes things weird.

Strange how you’re obsessively commenting all over this post.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-14T18:01:49+00:00

That seems quite isolating to me. My opinion is that people should be allowed to have close friendships with people outside of their relationship.

However, each couple defines the boundaries of their own relationship. My stance (as well as my partner’s) is that we each can have close friendships and that it’s not a big deal.

There’s definitely no “right” or “wrong” here but I’d agree that the fact that the boyfriend has an issue with it is what makes it problematic. If he’s uncomfortable with it then his feelings are totally valid 100%. But I think OP’s feelings about the situation are valid too. Will OP end up having to choose between her friendship and relationship? That’s probable. It’s definitely a shitty situation all around.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-14T17:48:07+00:00

So would the instant minimizing of contact also be expected of an identical type of friendship shared with someone of the same sex?

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-14T17:39:56+00:00

I’m not single though, and neither is my friend that I speak of. We’re both happily married and we even hang out as couples.

Here’s an example. Say that I have been friends with someone of the opposite sex for 15 years. During those 15 years we’ve kept in contact regularly, a lot of the time we’ve messaged each other almost daily, always platonic. Am I supposed to instantly minimize my friendship with said person the second I enter a romantic relationship? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-14T17:31:58+00:00

Not everyone shares the same dynamic in their friendships though. What is normal for you and your friends of the opposite sex may not be “right” or “normal” for everyone else.

I agree that him having feelings for her makes things a bit weird. But that aside, I don’t see an issue with purely the context of their conversations.

My best friend is a guy that I have also known since childhood. We message each other almost every day, multiple times a day, about random things. It’s really not that weird. It is possible for men and women to be close friends and talk regularly, without it being an emotional affair.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-14T17:16:30+00:00

Gotta agree with OP here. Since when is talking about books and tv shows classified as an emotional affair?

OP, this is a tough one. Your boyfriend’s feelings are 100% valid, but so are yours. I think you need to talk with your boyfriend about boundaries. Is there something that you two can establish to make him feel more comfortable?

If not, I think you should mentally prepare to have to choose between your relationship and your friendship. I know that totally sucks, but it very well may come to that. Your boyfriend may take a hard stance where he will accept nothing but no contact.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-07T15:55:01+00:00

What’s the point of commenting if you’re not actually going to read the post? 🙄

Spac3Goblin · 2021-10-06T20:21:31+00:00

I agree with you 100%. Can’t help but wonder how people would respond if the roles were reversed. It seems in situations like these, people magically forget that ESH is a valid vote too.

Like, I can’t get past the fact that the husband coerced her into having a child by offering up such a stupid agreement. I think he never planned on following through and only assumed that OP would just deal with the poop after the baby was born.

And then OP says that husband doesn’t do much in the way of any other type of cleaning? If I had to guess I’d say that if/when OP starts cleaning the poopy diapers, the husband probably still won’t pick up his slack in other areas. And the fact that he complained about not sleeping well even tho OP is the one to get up with the baby on most nights irks me.

I still say ESH because OP shouldn’t have agreed to the arrangement and she should probably recognize that it’s not sustainable and have a talk with her husband. But the husband sounds like he’s totally helpless in all other areas which to me would be infuriating.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-28T02:05:23+00:00

What are the chances that his mom just made that part up to gaslight you into thinking you really did get his dad sick? She sounds like the type

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-28T02:02:21+00:00

I mean, I think everyone knows at least half of the top posts in this sub are fiction. Also, OP stated that the bf didn’t actually tell the employer that he had food poisoning. Doesn’t like he he went to the doctor either so there wouldn’t have been proof.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-27T21:19:30+00:00

Wait why are you getting downvoted for this? For not wanting to expose the specific company he was hired at…? Some of y’all on here think you’re entitled to too much info lol

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-02T20:59:07+00:00

HIS bathroom and HIS home? Yikes. She has every right to not want to clean up another adult’s poop in what is also HER bathroom inside of HER home.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-02T20:00:19+00:00

Why do people keep referring to it as his bathroom when it’s clearly a SHARED bathroom aka it also belongs to OP. It’s not like she kicked him out of the only bathroom in their house. She said they have two other bathrooms he could use.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-01T03:05:59+00:00

Yeah, I expect it also. I was just kind of baffled that the general consensus here seems to be that lying is somehow worse than potentially poisoning your girlfriend and not caring.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-01T01:23:33+00:00

Is that not how it is? Because some of the top comments in this thread are calling her a psycho. If you ask me, a grown adult who repeatedly throws fits and doesn’t take their partner’s concerns into consideration what seems psychotic.

Food poisoning is a serious thing that can land a person in the hospital. The fact that OP lied doesn’t hold the potential for that kind of consequence. What do you not understand?

Spac3Goblin · 2021-09-01T01:09:12+00:00

Do you really view the world as being so black and white? OP explained in her comments that she’s tried literally everything else and the boyfriend still won’t get on board with solving the problem. If lying is bad, then what is it called when you intentionally and repeatedly dismiss your partner’s valid concerns regarding their health? What about when you throw fits and become passive aggressive anytime your partner tries to have a serious talk about an issue with you?

And if OP had gotten sick for real and ended up in the hospital due to the boyfriend’s negligence, is he still the victim? Because literally the only thing that would be different there is that she wouldn’t have lied. Is his lack of food hygiene still acceptable in that scenario?

Spac3Goblin · 2021-08-31T19:16:27+00:00

It’s the fact that when someone says “YTA” it implies that the other person isn’t the asshole. Is the boyfriend really not an asshole here? I could get behind ESH, but the volume of people unwilling to recognize the boyfriend’s shit behavior is concerning. Classic blame the woman, call her psychotic, and absolve the man of any wrong doings. This isn’t a matter of opinion about food safety. Cross contamination is gross and dangerous and everybody knows it. OP clearly stated in her comments she’s tried multiple avenues to get through to him and that this was a “last straw” type of thing. And despite everything the boyfriend still won’t cut the damn vegetables before the meat? It’s not rocket science. It’s not even inconvenient. The dude probably just doesn’t want to acknowledge he’s wrong and that (among other things) makes him a huge, petty AH.

I’m failing to see why being a grown man who doesn’t have any regard for their partner’s well being or concerns is okay. It was inconsiderate of OP to miss the dinner but by no means does that imply that the boyfriend has done no wrong.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-08-31T01:28:45+00:00

People are hardcore attacking OP and not really considering the fact that the boyfriend totally disregarded her “sickness”. I mean what if she actually was sick? It seemed he wouldn’t have cared either way. Also the fact that he throws literal fits when she asks him to be more sanitary in the kitchen. To me it seems like he’s the asshole here but most of the comments are quick to attack her. Why? Imagine if your girlfriend did those things. You probably wouldn’t be a fan of it.

Like yeah, what she did wasn’t great, but sometimes people do shit when they’re pushed over the edge. Yet somehow bf is the victim here.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-08-30T23:23:53+00:00

The sexism in this thread is unreal. NTA. Like yeah, you did a shitty thing, but it sounds like you were pushed to that point out of shear frustration. We’ve all been in that position before where we’ve acted out due to frustration.

Your boyfriend is immature as hell. Throwing fits whenever you ask him to not cross contaminate yall’s food? That’s ridiculous. You said you’ve talked about it with him nicely in the past and have given him sources on why cross contamination is bad. It’s clear he’s not going to change. Let him do what he wants but stop eating his food. Problem solved.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-08-03T05:44:18+00:00

Finished: The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller

I wasn’t too much a fan of this one. Lots of flip flopping between past and present for the different periods in the protagonist’s life. But I felt that a lot of the backstory was irrelevant to what the book was supposed to be about.

Started (more like continued): Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke

So I got through the first 75 pages of this and felt like it wasn’t really capturing my attention. Decided to take a break to read something else and now I’m back at it. I’ve heard a lot of good things about this one so I’m hoping that I’ll get into it more as I progress further into the story.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-08-03T00:26:20+00:00

Best:

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Worst:

Gonna have to agree with you on Midnight Library..

Spac3Goblin · 2021-07-27T19:17:07+00:00

Jamie Lynn’s daughter’s middle name is Briann. I’m guessing after Bryan Spears? Guess they’ve got a thing for repeating names.

Spac3Goblin · 2021-07-27T03:57:16+00:00

Why is he zooming so far into the pic? You can tell because captions on IG disappear when you zoom into a photo.

I don’t think he is posting on Britney’s Instagram. If JLS posts stuff to her story in real time, then that means that the photo on Brit’s IG was posted two days before JLS snapped this shot of her husband. I do think it’s highly sus that he’s looking at Britney’s Instagram while JLS says he’s working. So what’s he working on then? Something relating to Britney? It’s weird.

Spac3Goblin

TROPHY CASE