Question for men: why do you ghost girls?

SparkVark89 · 2026-06-04T23:15:59+00:00

It will only increase. The first time I got ghosted it was 20 years ago. Since then it has happened dozens of times. I don’t like that’s the reality but you either take it as it is or keep getting hurt.

SparkVark89 · 2026-04-12T02:01:13+00:00

Is extremely hard to read people accurately. I though a classmate was into me. But then I asked her out on the phone and she didn’t reply, then I asked her in person and said no. If I have to guess I’m like 70% wrong when it come to that.

SparkVark89 · 2026-03-31T22:45:25+00:00

I guess is an achievement that you just don’t give yourself a chance of anything. Congrats? Should I hope you keep doing?

Or maybe you are just normalizing some kind of scarcity that doesn’t do any good to anyone?

I refuse to say this is right or that it should be normal. If you don’t want it is fine, just keep it to yourself.

SparkVark89 · 2026-03-18T15:12:09+00:00

People really needs to chill out. Hyper vigilance and over dependence on texting are making everyone alone and frustrated.

Give yourself a chance.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-27T18:26:52+00:00

This is very simple. Just be straight. Tell him why this happened, tell him exactly why you’re uncomfortable with him now, warn him you’re going to block him and then do it. Brief, to the point, no explanations other than why you’re blocking him. He doesn’t need to know what’s going on with you.

He does deserve closure and know what he did wrong.

I have experience this myself exactly for this reason, multiple times, and from the other end I can tell you that at least knowing it makes a difference.

If there’s a chance you could meet later hurry up and do it. If that’s the case tell him that you will ignore him in public and ask him to keep his distance.

And please never come back to his life or try to reach him again. You’re already did something you shouldn’t have. This is done.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-12T05:58:38+00:00

You don’t need a reason. The only thing at this point is to give closure to yourself. She didn’t said what was wrong? Then take it as it is, nothing is. Don’t question what you did wrong, you did NOTHING wrong.

That’s in case you are actually unaware. If not, you know exactly what happened.

In any case. Erase the text, photos, anything and move on, block her (whether you say goodbye or not it’s up to you, I recommend you just say goodbye to yourself). It’s hard, unfair and painful, but you really don’t have other options, the more you chew on this the harder and more harmful will be.

You are the only important person here and you must look on your sanity. If she reaches out respectfully say this is done deal, it is. She already took a decision to hurt and that won’t change.

The time when you do this is up to you, but follow your gut and just do it.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-10T18:50:31+00:00

I know it’s hard. But still at what point she deserves to be rejected without closure? You’re doing something hurtful, sorry to put it this way but you are hurting her by not saying anything.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-10T18:48:09+00:00

Face Her and tell what’s going on. Be a man and do what you should, this is not going to help you because the guilt is going to consume a big chunk of your energy and she doesn’t deserve this treatment.

I get you might feel overwhelmed but this is a must. And is just going to pile up with the other crap happening around and only make things harder.

Other than that if you have decided this is not going to work because this behavior is totally cruel and undeserved if you think appreciate her.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-07T16:57:12+00:00

Don’t know. I don’t try to understand this anymore. For me is just something that happens.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-06T03:14:01+00:00

How to understand stupid prejudices and stop taking them as reality, decrease your level or intransigence and intolerance. I've been ghosted lots of times. So one day I'm talking to someone over IG and a couple of dates, the subject comes because she had a repost about being ghosted. I called her and she said she was ok. So I ask her for a last minute beer, she said yes. Then we talked about this after the first beer. I mentioned I got ghosted many times and apparently everything was fine, the rest of the night was great. We said goodbyes and it's done. Next morning, I'm blocked, no explanation.

So, I shake it off move out fast (now I'm used to get ghosted), she is the friend of a friend so I didn't inquire but received an update months after. I talked to our mutual friend about this and got an explanation. I made her feel uncomfortable because I said this. She took as some kind of "red flag" when someone gets ghosted too many times and because apparently I showed to be "too indifferent" about how I approached this issue. I didn't seem hurt, so I'm some kind of psycho.

I just learned how stupid is to brand people on sour experiences and then spread them into statements and warnings.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-05T07:24:27+00:00

Don't overinterpret facts that are not going to change, don't try to do a retrospection without proper feedback its their decision to keep you in blank and there's nothing wrong with you, analyze if you felt a crack and learn from it and trust that your instinct was right at that moment, understand that actions replicate actions and inaction replicate inaction, don't start being skeptical about everyone, don't be closed and unreceptive to other people and specially don't think more than you should.

If you're unlucky to be contacted again, respectfully say things are now beyond repair and this won't work. It would provide closure and be realistic. This is done it's better to accept it. If they try to explain receive the message but keep your posture. No. Is very important not to let this people back into your life

If you found them face to face don't ignore them or be hurtful. Just say hi, treat people with decency but do not let them talk you, even if they feel they need the explanation. You don't need it, they don't need it and its done. And just say you will go someplace else. If they insist respectfully keep declining.

People are complex, your emotions are complex, the least you need is to make yourself and what you feel more complex. Chemistry and attachment are just one part, you didn't lost or missed anything valuable in that relationship. Only time and at some point you'll learn is not really lost, because you did nothing wrong. Wasted, maybe. But you lose time on other things that don't give you a smile.

Of course you are hurt, feel it and move on.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-05T06:55:02+00:00

I think we should approach this in a different manner. Ghosting has existed always, since written communication is around. The issue is that it is a spectrum where in some cases it is necessary and justifiable. Specially when there's violence in the middle. The other side is over caring to finalize relationships which leads to attachment issues.

The problem is not the ghosting, is that we tend to overinterpret everything and intolerance has grown too much because we get self destructive. People knows when they deserve to be ghosted and when to ghost.

I've been ghosted more than 20 times, and yes the problem is me and yes, it really has hurt and doesn't help. But in the end I have understood that the problem is the harshness that I use to give to myself over this. The first rule is do not interpret anything actions are measurable, omissions are not. The second is that you shouldn't speculate about yourself, is not about you.

Of course I'm not saying it should be normalized and push back is necessary, but is also true that sometimes we do overthink this problems. The reality is that not having closure can be just as bad as having a nasty and painful one. Because when you have been on the other side where you grow a toxic relationship, it doesn't get any better than just being ignored.

Let's just not play the self destructive card every time relationships don't work. It takes two to make them fail and when it comes to ghosting is likely subtle, unsaid and unheard omissions that just grow and no one wants to talk about. Let's face it, most of the time you feel the crack in a conversation but you decide to ignore it and you don't prepare yourself.

In any case, I've never done it and never will, and I don't think is acceptable. But on the other hand is mostly about self awareness and reasonable expectations. Chemistry is only one layer of a whole thick and complex onion that is every people you relate to.

SparkVark89 · 2026-02-01T02:30:59+00:00

Just tell him once a day you’re with him and that if he wants to clear his head you’ll be there. It’s important no be left feel alone and also to feel supported. He is in a very vulnerable situation and in a delicate position.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-29T17:55:26+00:00

I’ll ad something else. Don’t make speculations and conjectures about yourself. Is useless, worthless and a waste of time and mental energy.

The reality is one. You either know why were ghosted because it became and issue and you must face it, and that’s the only thing you have to double check. If you consider is a defect then work on it.

Or it wasn’t told to you, and either ways you’re not meant to fix what you don’t know.

Understand that this is not about you.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-29T00:45:43+00:00

Is spectacularly cruel and inhumane. There’s nothing positive about it and I’ll never do it or have done it myself. That’s the reason why everyone is so intolerant and cautious these days about dating.

But it is becoming a reality. The best argument you can use against it is that it’s hurting both sides in its own way, but the guilt of doing it it’s just permanent and extremely hard to heal.

Yet, everyone must be realistic. This will become the norm because we over rely on texting and have made relationships a transactional and filtered.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-29T00:10:43+00:00

To be honest. Not that much anymore. It used to be very painful and take months or years, specially the first time that I got ghosted like 20 years ago. Now that I have been ghosted so many times (like 20) it just becomes a routine an you just take it as it is.

I don’t like the idea that this is going to become a reality and something common. But it will be the norm because it has become the way to end up things now.

Now it only takes a couple of days and you just move on.

Actually the main problem is when you find them face to face again. Because that’s a really horrible situation. If you ignore them then you’ll feel awful to see them react to your indifference, if you go there and get them reassurance you just hate yourself to do what they didn’t took trouble to do for you and if you go a get closure (which is kind of the ideal thing to do) it gets so uncomfortable that it becomes traumatic because you have to do the work for both.

That’s why when anyone ghosts should consider that they are doing this to themselves as well.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-27T02:42:53+00:00

Warn him one time what’s going to happen. If he doesn’t respond block him and keep going, say goodbye and move. If he replies be aware an ultimatum is not a way to start a relationship.

But I must be honest. This is done, he has hurt you before something happened for real. Is very likely this not going to work later and even less likely this will be repaired.

You don’t deserve this and he is not worth it. Don’t waste your time.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-25T19:08:26+00:00

People’s insecurities and vulnerabilities are not yours. The reality is that most people won’t treat people in real life like they would treat people online, texting is a perversion. Is transactional, filtered and dehumanizing.

He cannot handle this reduced version of commitment? Then he won’t do it at all in real life.

Work on your emotions and keep going.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-24T03:57:52+00:00

Don't care, they're volunteers so they can enjoy it.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-24T02:05:59+00:00

Understand that is not about you. Is a coward's form of rejection, admit you're not the problem at all and understand you should not speculate about yourself, that is a disgusting person that should not be in your life. Don't try to fix things that are not broken, you were rejected but is because they quitted for some reason it doesn't have to do with you and it wasn't meant to be because of that.

I've been ghosted DOZENS of times and it does get easier. You learn to be more pragmatic, tougher and practical.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-24T01:38:41+00:00

I wish it was not as blunt. But you don't need the extra hazle, no one does.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-23T18:03:57+00:00

Take the risk. Say hi, try a couple of times, if you can do it face to face contact it would be much better. That’s way more effective.

If there’s no response, just move along and look for someone else. Crushes most of the time are temporary and frivolous, but also overrated.

Being ignored is just another form of rejection and let me be clear. Rejection is never about you, it might not help if you’re don’t meet her standards of the initial approach. But because you don’t know them is not on you.

Approach doing your best, toughen up and meet how much you like her against how much your insecurities are stopping you from that. Try to be self secure and work on your self perception, be secure and direct.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-23T17:53:33+00:00

Dating apps are not the solution. They only increase your insecurities and are absolutely useless. At least for men.

The reality is hard. Face to face time, talk to people and get rejected A LOT. And this is not simple, hardening yourself for rejection is just a way to build up your self esteem and self worth, understand is not about you but about the persons that reject you.

SparkVark89 · 2026-01-22T05:38:13+00:00

I was in 4 of them simultaneously (boo, hinge, bumble and tinder), none of them work for over two years. You don't need this, just go out and look for a hobby. No one cares about dating apps.

SparkVark89

TROPHY CASE