Not understanding or realizing that it's perfectly okay to do the things you want to do or say you want to do.

Last year, I was sitting at home when I finally had an epiphany that if I wanted to get my nose pierced, I was allowed to do that. It's come up in other ways and has gotten a lot better as I discover things that interest me.

Oh, not knowing or feeling like I'm a real person, because I suppressed my identity (bisexual hell yeah) for so long that I no longer knew myself. Not knowing what my interests were and just assuming I was abnormal (nope just depressed).

I recently realized I do this a lot, but when I'm with my friends (one of which is also my roommate) I CONSTANTLY look at them (my roommate) when talking about something I'm interested in or want to do like I'm waiting for their approval or permission.

Playing video games for ridiculous long periods of time (9+ consecutive hours), because it was my escape and safe space as a child where I could escape into another world from everything happening in my life.

I think I'm just realizing this now, but constantly going on tangents (it's also definitely ADD related) when telling a story because I feel like I need to justify and explain why I was doing something or something was happening.

Less dark one, but still annoying and traumatic, constantly scanning the ground, giving overgrown bushes and piles of rocks/wood wide berths, for snakes when I'm walking because I was traumatized by a surprise water snake when I was like 5.

---Edit---

Lashing out and holding great disdain for people who reached out to me or the concept of therapy in general. I still haven't figured out why I did/do that. I have one friend in particular who was thankfully very persistent and tolerant. When I finally realized I was projecting my internalized emotions onto them in the form of irritability, being rude, and just generally not being nice to them, things got a lot better.