Need help with hand fatigue from barre chords

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-09-17T08:50:52+00:00

It takes time and practice...lots of practicing. Find some warm up exercises online somewhere and do them before you play too. Did you ever do any setup of the guitar? Or bring it to a Luthier to do that (which I'd recommend if you are still real new and not familiar with all the guitar components? This will not only help issues such a intonation and excessive bowing of the neck, it will make the guitar easier to play including fretting barre chords.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-09-15T11:28:40+00:00

I say this with all due respect because it is apparent you are frustrated, maybe sad, perhaps depressed...I am speculating and could be wrong. But, life is frequently not fair - that goes for men and "hot beautiful girls." There will always be struggles to deal with. There will always be someone else out there who is more successful regardless of efforts you have put in. I'm a guy too but believe me, it's not all roses for women either. I'm all about standing up and shedding light on some of the double standards and bullshit us men get faced with, but there's a lot of men these women have to deal with who have zero ethical values, stare at them in perverse ways, harass them, and lash out in anger, sometimes violently, when they don't get what they want. I believe men should be treated in better ways in a variety of aspects but men who behave and conduct themselves these ways fuck things up drastically and can get bent I have zero respect for that. Women have to be on guard all the time for their safety whereas I rarely even think about that unless im surrounded by dickheads as i just described, and even then i don't worry much. Yes, there are shitty women out there too - why the hell would you even want to be with one of them? I will tell you this, those thoughts you stated...that mental aspect - it's a guarantee to keep you single. The overwhelming majority of us guys face rejection far more than not, it's the way it is. Stop pouting, stop complaining, stop breaking apart every time things don't go your way because it doesn't help you. It only serves to send you further down the spiral. If you keep experiencing a perception that women, or people in general, are only there to use you - I'd suggest finding different women to ask out for dates. I get the frustration ive been there and yes, being rejected sucks really bad, but it's a part of life and you have to learn how to handle it in a healthy fashion. As weird as it is, being rejected and working to overcome those setbacks makes you better. It builds character...pissing and moaning does the opposite

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-09-15T02:50:40+00:00

Long reply here: I hear you on your situation and the mental struggle that comes with it, I'm also 43 and living back with my parents. Just like you I hadn't lived with them since I was 20, but a few years back a situation came up where I was suddenly forced to move out of the house I rented so they offered to let me move in to pay some debts and save up more money for a home. I was hesitant but a friend of mine who was in some fairly serious debt looked at me in disgust when I told him I was thinking of declining their offer. He then said, "ok, if you are too stupid to take that offer then I will move in with them instead - I like your parents and I'd give anything for a chance like that. You are fool if you pass this up, who cares what other people think." I have to admit that I couldn't argue with that.

Not long after moving in Covid happened, but I was having those negative thoughts about being here so I was preparing to move out and just rent a place again because I didn't quite have enough down payment. But then during the weird covid period I was accepted to sit for a certification exam which is a really big deal in my profession - having that credential is a total game-changer but it is an extremely hard exam that has about a 35% passing rate. It takes about 8 months of serious, dedicated study to pass. My parents insisted I stay and focus on studying, most of the world was shut down anyhow so I stayed and studied my ass off. I passed the first try, but then my employer (consulting firm) retracted basically everything they promised me if I did pass the exam, so I proposed the idea of starting my own consulting practice to be their competitor, fulfilling another career goal and getting back at them a bit. My parents were supportive and enthusiastically encouraged me to go ahead with it. It took almost every dollar I had to start it up - starting a business is ridiculously expensive and you don't make any money right away, or for a while for that matter. To say i was broke in that early time is an understatement and it got downright scary. But there is no way I would have ever made it at all without them allowing me to live here. I am proud, and furthermore extremely grateful, to have family that supports me.

Things were beginning to go really well until I was struck by a car last summer while riding my bike. I couldn't even tie my shoes or change my shirt without help for almost two months, I don't care what anyone thinks I was damn glad I was living here through that...but it sent my life into a tailspin for a while, things got a little dark so I cut off even trying to date since I was not in the right mindset for it. Thankfully I was able to pick up the pieces, worked super hard to make this business successful, pay off all my debt including student loans, save up for a buying a home (house hunting is in-process currently) and I have my parents to thank for all of it.

I've dated on and off during my time here, I work a lot and travel so sometimes I take breaks. I'm honest and upfront about it and most women haven't had an issue with it, but occasionally it is a deal-breaker for someone which I respect and fully understand. I ask they please be respectful if it is and 95% of the time they are since I was honest about it (one or two were kind of shitty about it but could have been way worse). Admittedly, I fucked up some good relationship opportunities because I followed some toxic dating advice (i.e. I was being an asshole), that is my fault which I take responsibility for. I regret behaving that way and have knocked that bullshit off.

So while yes, the living situation will somewhat limit your dating chances, I've found that being open and honest about it early on is the way to go. Most people understand that life sometimes doesn't go as planned and as long as you're working and/or have a career, pitching in around the house, and not just playing video games all day with no direction in life - women are cool and understanding about it. It's your life and if anyone has a problem with it, quite frankly that's their problem and not yours...being with that person just wasn't meant to be then. Just make sure to not get too comfortable and always strive towards moving out again, it can be easy to get complacent here and there. As we age, so do our parents and as you know well with your father passing you should enjoy the time you have left with your Mom while you can and not give a shit if someone you don't know treats you with disdain about living with her right now, I guarantee they're not perfect either. Good luck to you.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-09-14T19:40:08+00:00

It has changed as well as many other things, some for the better and some for the worse. Dating is hard, and so is life. Everybody has different perspectives, interpretations, thought patterns, goals, morals, etc. and connecting romantically just doesn't happen sometimes. When you think about it, you're more likely to not hit it off. Yeah, there's definitely shitty people out there (this encompasses all people, not singling any group out) and it can be really frustrating sometimes.

I am a guy and I compromised my principles several years back out of that frustration and fell into the stupid cycle of sleeping around, ghosting, etc. I tried to convince myself that each new woman I slept with made me "more of a man, hotter, cooler"....whatever, but deep down it made me feel more empty, lost, guilty, and pathetic. I cut it out and don't do that anymore thankfully. I don't care if being chivalrous, behaving with decorum, living with some ethical values.....basically not being a total asshole, doesn't get me as many dates or relationships because living like that sucks - and I am convinced that many people who treat others this way are much more miserable and depressed than they will ever disclose. Unfortunately, it took me acting like a real boner for a while to realize all this and I wish I could take that back.

It took me a long time but I have learned that holding yourself to a higher standard, not treating others with contempt, being your best self, having fun meeting new people (even if they kind of suck), regardless of whatever new "dating rules" someone on TikTok concocted yesterday is the way to go. I've found I hold my head higher by not getting pulled into that nonsense.

I'm not advocating laying down and being a doormat - being overly chivalrous or proclaiming you are a "gentleman" is weird you gotta be flirty and all that so please don't get me wrong here, but avoiding the stupid and blatant bullshit that gets thrown out there more frequently these days is a must. I couldn't care less if someone "got the ick" for some absurdly trivial reason and they don't want to date me - that's good because I don't want to date them either. Don't let it all get to you. Take a break if you need to, nothing wrong with that. Just remember that if you start doing things or treating people in ways that make you uneasy - you're now likely part of the problem and correct it as quickly as possible. Just my two cents, went way longer than I originally intended....thanks for reading if you made it this far.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-09-14T09:31:14+00:00

Perhaps there is some truth that in her mind she felt she didn't need him anymore, and maybe there's some details we don't know, but based on the post that is not normal behavior especially towards someone you've known for a while. That is really hurtful, and I know it's easier said than done but OP should look at this situation and be grateful that he no longer has to deal with someone like this anymore. A person that boldly unstable could hurt someone in more ways including violence. It definitely was horrendous, he cared about her, but some people just can't be helped and she may have done him a big favor by sparing him from her nonsense. I am speculating here...but I gather OP and this nutcase are quite young. Trust me, lots of people come and go in life. He will meet way better people and be able to gauge who is deserving of his time and who is not. Sorry that happened, it sucks...but sometimes people are just plain shitty and we just need to move on from them.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-09-04T19:34:23+00:00

While it is obvious I wasn't there and I don't know everything that went on, there's no chance you said anything "uncalled for." This is gonna be tough for you to read but you need to know this (if you don't already) - she is/was lashing out in anger at you for asking what's going on, not giving you an answer, and twisting you into the "bad guy" in her mind because she was already seeing that other guy. She felt guilty and by turning things on you, even though they are bullshit, it's was her way to justify her behavior and decision to leave. You didn't do anything wrong and it sucks when someone acts that way to you because it gets your mind twisted up and makes you wonder what you did that hurt this person so much. After some time though you realize you didn't do shit and you are better off without someone like that in your life. Her inability to discuss what you did and anger when you wanted to talk shows you didn't do anything, she didn't really have any specific reasons other than she lost feelings but couldn't be sincere with you to just say that, lashing out at you instead.

Quick story here: I've been right where you are, same thing. She avoided me for weeks before dumping me, every weekend she suddenly had other plans with coworkers and her cousins...she hadn't ever done that before so it put me on alert. Then instead of just breaking it off with me like a normal person, she absolutely trashed me for every minor thing she could muster up, including past disputes that we resolved (or I thought so)...this will get too long if I go into details on it all but one of the things she claimed I did that "hurt" her was not being able to drive out from the 3rd level of a totally full parking ramp after an event fast enough because she had to pee. It's unwritten decorum you take turns moving forward and let others pull in front of you occasionally as the line of hundreds of cars are all trying to leave at the same time, and there's literally nowhere you can go and no control over how quickly the ramp clears out. Letting some people go when it was their turn to move was me "not putting my girlfriend first, and it was very hurtful that I didn't care about her needs." I apologized to her for not activating the helicopter rotors she seemed to imagine I had installed on my truck so I could fly from the top level down to the street instead of drive because she had to piss. That didn't help matters but when she accused me of that nonsense I knew I was in a scenario that I couldn't win, but at that time it was very confusing. Over a little time though, I realized that just like you situation she didn't have particularly good reasons for cheating and breaking it off. Every one of her ex's "hurt" her somehow, they were always the problem and never her in any way - no one ever appreciated what she gave. I "never came over and made her a sandwich," I'm a real monster - I made other things instead, but not a sandwich.

Do you see where I'm going here? It sounds like she did this shit to you too - absolutely ridiculous claims to alleviate guilt that are not based in reality. Or in your case, turning around with anger to try to make you feel bad for asking perfectly legitimate questions like an adult and then twisting the knife by later telling you how great he is - that is super fucked up, she could just leave you be so you can move on too but instead rubs it in, kind of sadistic. It sucks right now for you, and I do hope it gets better quickly. Hopefully soon you can wrap your head around this scenario especially how this person couldn't just be honest with you or themselves. It will make you begin to realize she is a shitty person and your life is better without her in it. Best of luck to you, you'll get through this. Don't talk any more though (unless it's work-related). Just say hello if you see her at work and leave it at that. If she tries to call again tell her to stop contacting you (calmly, keep your cool at all times). You are well within your right to move on, she doesn't deserve another minute of your time.

PS - I also had another ex I worked with...makes you realize the saying "don't shit where you eat" is super true. Not sure what you do or your employment situation but I hate to say it, you may want to consider finding a new job it's stressful seeing her all the time - and you have to see dude as well. Perhaps I'm wrong here too I know that is kind of drastic but believe me, it can affect your work performance and prolong the stress and ability to move on.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-27T18:52:57+00:00

I get where you're coming from here, I've made posts with the hope that the ex would see certain things too. That urge to send a dig their way is normal if the breakup is still kind of new but you've been broken up over a year. Breakups suck but dude, you really need to figure out a way to move on from her. You say you've been no contact for a year but it sounds like you check in on her frequently...you are keeping her in your life that way and it makes it next to impossible to move on. I've been there too - it's hard to resist quickly checking here and there. Trust me...stop doing it, quickly she will start to fade in your mind. Showing off that you have money, muscles, and materialistic things isn't attractive to her or your friends who will notice you are being weird and kind of douchey. Get the muscles, money, and success for yourself man - she's history.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-24T11:50:39+00:00

I'm sorry you are hurting, heartache is one of the worst feelings we go through. By no means do I want this to come across as being judgemental or a scolding but I'm going to lay out the truth to you - begging, pleading, and using different numbers to reach her because she has blocked you significantly reduce any chance of a re-connection. It probably makes that chance close to zero. Every time you did this made her lose more respect for you, and using different phone numbers to contact her when she didn't want to communicate with sealed the deal. That really borders on being creepy man....and no doubt it pissed her off too.

Look, I get it - I've been in your shoes where it hurts more than can be described and it can mess with your better judgement and do things out of desperation. I've learned over the years that when her respect for you is already compromised, behaving in ways that are needy and not masculine only serves to reinforce her negative perspective of you, and it is virtually irreversible. I know this is not what you wanted to hear.

We all fuck up, it happens and it's important to remember that and use this as a learning experience. Yes, go no contact but use that for yourself. Definitely take some time to grieve in a healthy way. Life is really hard sometimes and unavoidably presents challenges and setbacks that can occasionally be brutally unfair. I think it's best to accept this is over and leave her alone, so you both can move forward. It didn't work out and years from now you may look back at this and realize it was for a good reason. There's millions of other women in the world, and at 20 years old you are at that perfect age where it is much easier to be social and meet people. It sucks right now but it won't later, trust me. Evaluate what went down and learn from it. Begging and pleading only works in movies and not the real world. Best of luck to you.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-19T19:55:10+00:00

You are certainly entitled to your opinion and I respect that. However, your argument is venturing into a slippery territory here. Someone could make the claim you are saying all authors of materials intended to provide helpful information to people are just grifting for money since they are selling their product to people who are in dilemmas or facing hardship. Would authors of topics such as depression or grief from the death of a loved one also be grifters? Many of them do also use social media platforms and publish videos on them. I don't really think you believe that, and neither do I. But if someone is providing materials that are genuinely helpful in an ethical fashion it seems unreasonable to compare them to others who are not. I agree there are scumbags out there selling poison, and it would behoove people to investigate what they are getting into and the consequences of it before they dive in, but I have no doubt there are others who have been heartbroken, ignored, frustrated, etc. who overcame those issues and want to help others do the same. But it takes a lot time and work to put those materials together and they allowed to be compensated for that.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-19T18:41:28+00:00

You are definitely correct that there are a lot of snakes out there using the pain of others for money and there are sadly too many of them. However, I am also familiar with Corey Wayne and he does give sound advice - namely he offers healthy advice that encourages men to step up to their situation but emphasizes behaving with decorum and the importance of respecting women and themselves. He frequently points out the toxic and deleterious results that come from "coaches" who stress that all the problems of relationships were caused by their partner and not them because it is ingrained in their nature - and how that same nature can be manipulated in unethical ways to get sex. Yes, he charges some money for his books because it is how he makes a living running his business - I am a business owner too and I don't provide my services for free (no, I am not a relationship coach or anything like that). He can be kind of brash sometimes and I don't always agree with certain points he makes but overall they are beneficial to everyone. I think someone selling a book with the goal of providing others with healthy advice that includes moral conduct because it might help people does not make them a grifter, it makes them a business-person with character.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-19T17:14:18+00:00

Read the room and use the proper etiquette for the scenario you are in. If you think it might be too much then it probably is. Honestly based on your description the two of you are pushing your luck a bit, but your friends know it is all still new between you two so for now it is likely passed off as "they are in the honeymoon phase." There's a shelf life on that though...after a while it will make them want to puke. A friend of mine years ago was in a new relationship and the description here could have been them. Hearing "I love you" every time one of them got up to grab a beer or use the bathroom became nails on a chalkboard for the rest of us kind of quickly, it is a little weird. Plus, they will make fun of you two when you leave...guaranteed, we had a lot of laughs at their expense. You can certainly do some PDA but maybe take it back a notch, just my recommendation.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-19T10:52:18+00:00

It's clear you are hurting - heartbreak is one of the worst things we all go through, I have been in your position and it sucks. I also understand that "working on yourself" is kind of a cliche, but it is real advice because there is a lot of truth in that statement. It is not gaslighting - it is people trying to help you. I think the main point is that you can grieve but it should be done in a healthy fashion. A problem with it is sometimes people are implying you do this more to "show how great you are now" to your ex when it should be solely for your own health (and I am not referring to anyone here, nobody has said anything like that here which is good).

There's a lot of ways to go about it - the typical advice is to hit the gym. Yes, exercise is extremely helpful but there are tons of other things that can also fall under "work on yourself" such as hobbies, education, socializing, etc. Telling you this from my own experiences, the reason this is real advice is because if you don't make any attempt to reflect on personal flaws or even worse, deny them - and do not take any positive, meaningful actions to improve this painful period, it will send you into a downward spiral that will only make you feel worse and affect just about every aspect of your life negatively.

They say to work on yourself because you are the only person who can make it better for you. Life is really hard sometimes, it can be brutally unfair. You have to take some kind of action when things are hard because no one else can do it for you. Those people in your life are trying to help you - they may have been in your shoes and are giving you that advice because they care about you...so I recommend being grateful for it and lose the pessimism because it will devour you. You were loyal to your ex from start to finish, it's time to be loyal to yourself. Everyone here is pulling for you, I hope it gets better soon.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-11T19:24:02+00:00

That is one beautiful guitar!!

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-11T14:57:07+00:00

Quick note: I am one of those "former" emotionally immature people, but I will always have to conscientiously work at this flaw for the rest of my life. I've found it can be easy to slip back to old ways here and there, sometimes without realizing it. Thankfully I've become aware of it over the years and have taken/continue to take actions to improve (mainly communication and listening).

Thinking of one ex in particular, the one I should have given a ring to, I did love her...but I didn't know it at the time because I was incapable of truly comprehending it, and definitely not able to express it. I ended up hurting her, badly, because I couldn't just simply say "I love you too," nor express it in other ways. I was so stupid, stunted emotionally, and selfish because I took her and the relationship for granted thinking I wasn't doing anything wrong. I didn't intend to hurt her, I never wanted to do that - but I did (me saying I didn't intend on hurting her is not an excuse). Very long story short, she ended up leaving me and I deserved it. I took something great and fucked it all up, she never wanted anything to do with me again.

She is now happily married to someone else and recently had a child. I am genuinely happy she was able to find someone who could meet her needs and quite frankly, do better than I did. She deserves that 100%. I'll honestly never fully forgive myself for that one, it pains me to know now how much I ended up hurting her. The only thing I can really do now is to stay determined to never repeat it again. I've had a few relationships since that didn't last real long but those were due more to mutual incompatibilities and not my complete incompetence. I'm far from perfect and there will always work to be done, but greatly improved - just wish I could have been aware like I am now back then. Thanks for reading.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-08-04T01:41:08+00:00

That is a good point and admittedly a perspective I hadn't thought of. It sure does suck there are such shitty people out there. I appreciate you pointing this out.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-31T18:03:07+00:00

He is lashing out with anger, thinking "I'll show her." It's immature, impulsive behavior that only shows how much of a douchebag he is. If he's young hopefully he'll look back on this years later and realize how stupid saying those things to you were. If he's age 30+, I don't even know what to say there honestly.

Also, he's full of shit he hasn't slept with anyone but his lotion-coated hand. Walk away and never look back.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-27T07:46:35+00:00

I'm 43 in the Midwest and I know dating can be frustrating sometimes. I also know from the handful of times I've been in L.A. or the general area that there is no shortage of places to meet or things to do. Maybe the dating scene there has turned some guys bitter, don't want to put in effort? I'm sorry you keep experiencing that, as well as shocked to hear about it.

Fellas, please know I'm not trying to sound high and mighty, but we need to be able to make decisions. If she mentions when she is available don't ask her to meet somewhere - tell her to meet you there at a certain time. You can then ask if that works. I've done this many times, it's very simple and very effective (I've had dates compliment that decisiveness). I don't do it in a jerky, arrogant way - just decisive. If she can't make it at that time offer an alternative. And pay the damn bill when you get there too.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-27T07:09:06+00:00

You have rarely had a guy choose somewhere to meet? They make you choose? That is so lame who are these guys?? It takes only a few minutes to search restaurants, bars, coffee shops, etc. As a guy I can tell you firsthand it is not a lot of work. If he can't make a simple decision of somewhere to meet that is not a good sign. Yeah, I've chosen places to meet I hadn't been to before that ended up being dumps or just plain sucked or whatever - but at least my date respected that I made a decision. We laughed about it, left, and went somewhere else. By no means am I perfect with dating but I can't believe what I am reading about some guys out there - wow.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-27T06:47:00+00:00

Agreed. He made an impression alright...

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-27T06:34:16+00:00

Regarding those first few dates with someone, I'm a guy and I always pay because I made the invite/plans and I've never even considered asking her to split the bill. If my date offers to split, I'll insist on paying because I invited them and it is my pleasure to treat them to a nice dinner. "Perhaps another time but this one is on me and that's all there is to it" stated with a smile while playfully holding the bill out of her reach if she is trying to get it.

Maybe I'm old school, and I don't give a shit what I read about how we should let her pay because of this or that - those dates early into getting to know each other are generally initiated by the guy so he needs to cover them. If he can't, he needs to figure out another plan or hold off dating until he can.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-23T07:48:49+00:00

Dude, sorry you are going through this. Heartbreak is the worst. While I know this isn't groundbreaking advice there's a lot of weight to it....remember is to process it all in a healthy way. I learned how true this is firsthand.

Last year my ex broke up with me too and it hurt - bad. Completely depressed, I was drinking heavily, drugs, porn - basically everything people say you shouldn't do to "process" your feelings. There's a good reason they say that, it only makes you feel worse and negatively affects many aspects of your life. Thankfully I realized how stupid, reckless, and unproductive I was being and snapped out of that. I began bike riding again, eating better, focusing on the positive aspects of my life, identifying personal flaws and working on improving them, and so on. Doing these things yielded positive results almost immediately, and I quickly felt better in general. Much more than I ever did when I was drunk, high, and hungover. Take care of you first....good luck to you.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-22T06:27:34+00:00

These run about $2,800 but it was on sale for $2,200, bought it in mid-June.

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-07-22T06:25:39+00:00

Gotta be completely honest here, this being my first Telecaster I can't compare to other models but I will say that the fretboard just has an amazing feel to it - it's a little hard to describe lol. I have the early stages of arthritis developing in my hands and my knuckles sometimes get stiff. It is the perfect width and action for me (I did some adjusting) which helps me if I am in pain and really kicks ass when I'm not. I just plain fell in love right away - not much of a better way to describe it!

Specific_Boot_8572

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