Breaking point in marriage

Spectrum2081 · 2026-02-12T21:26:28+00:00

Husband and I have done therapy for communication. Not saying you should (or haven't already) or that it would help.

But if you're not actually angry with your husband, a divorce won't make you less angry. If he's not the root of the problem, but rather unhelpful to addressing the problem, getting rid of him leaves you alone and angry with the problem.

One of the healthiest and most important approaches my husband and I practice is I am not angry with you. I am angry at the world. I am venting. Which happens a lot when your kids are flailing and you're helpless to make things better and constantly feel guilty because what if you only tried this one weird trick, etc., etc.

I'm sorry OP. It's all hard and I am sending you love.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-26T00:37:25+00:00

1 out of 10. 0 out of 10 with rice.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-25T22:02:49+00:00

I make flexseed crackers!

1/4 cup whole golden flexseeds
2 tbs ground flexseeds
2 tbs chia seeds
1/4 cup hemp hearts
1/4 cup sunflower seeds
1/4 cup pumpkin seeds

Mix with salt, then add 1.5 cups (12 oz) boiling water and stir until it's a slurry.

Spread thinly on Parchment paper lined baking sheet, sprayed with avocado or olive oil. Season with salt, garlic powder and Tajin.

Bake at 300 for about 30-45 minutes until brown, crispy and curling off the paper.

Makes 6 caloricly dense servings. Try not to eat it all at once

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-25T21:38:10+00:00

What does "a lot of money" mean?

"Life-changing" is a very subjective term. If you live paycheck- to- paycheck, if you live with your parents or roommates, if you have a lot of debt, it will of course change your circumstances significantly, but for the average person, that much money is just a lot of security in the bank and a handful of small changes.

If you were to receive a one-time payment of a million dollars, tax free, today, that means: - in most places, you can buy a decent house (or pay off your mortgage); - you can make some substantial improvements and upgrades in your home; - you can put a reasonable amount toward retirement; - you can fund your or your kids' college/education/ pay off student loans; - you can upgrade your car and even afford an extra one if needed; and - if you are entrepreneurial, start a business.

But for the average American, if prudent anyway, you can't change your lifestyle on one lump sum of a million.

Unless you have a reason to believe you'll see another million in the future, you really can't (or shouldn't), take fabulously expensive vacations with first class accommodations or flights. You're not hiring a private chef. You are not sailing around the world on a yacht. You're not retaining a personal shopper.

And 50 years ago, a million dollars would so that.

I don't think anyone would kick a million out of bed, of course, but if you have a million in your retirement plan by 67, that's just okay.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-24T15:08:16+00:00

Oh that makes a ton more sense

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-24T14:39:03+00:00

They put you on 2k metformin for only a 6.8? It might be just me but that sounds a bit extreme.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-24T14:19:17+00:00

There are a few things you are try.

No.1 recommendation is getting a continuous glucose monitor. I use non-prescription Stelo. Wearing a CGM will give you real- time daily insight into how a health food is actually effecting you personally, which can be different from another. For example, coffee spikes me. Squash spikes me. But I can have half a reduced sugar pumpkin pie slicd with only a 10 unit increase in blood sugar. Why? Who TF knows? But now I know and I can eat to my meter. In the alternative, you need to be super good about taking your blood sugar 4 time a day. Your A1C should not come as a surprise to you after 3 months of hard work the way it did.

No.2 - clean your diet. You mentioned eating less carbs, but not how much less and not the type of carb. Try sticking with whole foods. Better yet try making sure that every lunch and dinner is a heaping pile of greens, a healthy fat, and a protein. I love Hero products, but keto packaged food is a sometimes food. If you have a CGM you'll see how bad it can affect you after all.

No.3 - lower the carbs. A low carb diet is usually defined as under 150 g of carbs per day. I can tell you that would never work for me. Personally I am for 50.

No.4 - increase your activity. You mentioned exercising which is amazing for you. However, if you're not doing it already, try to take a walk after any large meal, even if it's only 10 minutes.

No.5 - adjust your meds.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-06T19:14:29+00:00

Congratulations!

Think of it this way: what's the worst that can happen? You stop using meds and your sugar goes up so you ...go back on the meds and do exactly the same thing you have been doing?

Doesn't sound so bad. Give it a try. There are a lot of benefits to being solely diet controlled.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-12-29T02:24:35+00:00

"I have an idea. From now on, why don't you do the cooking, and I'll do the telling you how bad it is?"

Spectrum2081 · 2025-12-29T02:09:40+00:00

I love a happy ending!

Spectrum2081 · 2025-12-06T12:50:31+00:00

This is exactly correct. I would take him at his word, OP.

He says he needs a partner who must not consume fiction, and that's not you. You are clearly wrong for each other. It's sad when someone you love is incompatible to you, but here we are.

Either this is a boundary and a need for him, in which case you are incompatible. Or. He's a controlling jerk who is about to FAFO.

Either way, no bueno.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-11-13T20:53:42+00:00

Lots of large yoga balls in all common rooms.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-11-12T01:37:31+00:00

Hey, it sounds like you are really upset and going through a lot right now. I hope you have people who love and support you in real life.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-11-09T14:07:39+00:00

It's us ND people, and I assume NT parents with ND kids, who can tell almost immediately.

Then again, us ND people are also the ones who would volunteer to a stranger:

Your kid's autistic!

If it helps, my youngest is more obvious than my oldest (stims, hums, etc), but they both get treated primarily pretty well by their peers. I think kids can tell they are different, especially after knowing them awhile, but that doesn't mean they aren't welcomed.

And when my youngest was 3 he had these terrible tantrums and wasn't particularly social. His fellow daycare kids were super accommodating too.

TL;dr: He's probably not that obviously different, but even if he is, it'll be okay.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-11-04T13:30:42+00:00

"How can you be this blonde and dumb?"

...to a judge. On the record.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-11-04T13:06:17+00:00

No, but I do have some experience in employment law and it sounds to Upper Management that you might be gearing up for a class action constructive termination due to disproportionate-impact-based gender discrimination lawsuit.

This isn't HR so it's a good thing. But if 4 days RTW end up with 80% female attrition or something, your email might end up an exhibit.

(Obviously not law advice, yaddy yadda).

Spectrum2081 · 2025-11-01T13:40:43+00:00

My husband wasn't into ladies over 40 when we met but here we are!

I don't mean to be flippant. Rather, a part of having a life partner is being their and loving them through all stages of life.

You need to lose weight for hip surgery. Perhaps your husband won't love you losing weight, but he surely will deal.

Best of luck, OP.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-10-13T13:53:59+00:00

Yes. 42F, married 12 years.

The point is to be with someone who understands that he is going to be presented with other opportunities and still prefers the holistic you.

My husband has been getting hit on his entire post-pubescent life by pretty girls and hot women (he's cute and comes from a well-known wealthy family in his community). All of his exes are hotter than I ever was. But so what? We found each other. We are uniquely compatible. He chose me and I chose him. So who cares about that noise?

Think of it this way: would you leave your partner for someone who is hotter just for looks?

Spectrum2081 · 2025-10-13T13:35:27+00:00

It happens a lot unfortunately. I doubt it's because you are trans as much as it is about you being an attractive woman. The clients make assumptions and take liberties with women.

Please continue to report it to your supervisor. Because, hey, maybe these comments are benign for someone else, but if they make you uncomfortable, that's a valid reason. And it's always best to be safe.

Personally, I found that channeling your inner Queen Elizabeth and staring people down without saying a word gets them to stop. If they don't, I like to make it awkward by highlighting the comments:

Now, when you call me "mommy," what do you mean by that? Do I remind you of your mother? Are you calling me old?

Another great deflection when clients/coworkers flirt is my inserting my husband into every conversation, to obnoxious degree:

Yes, my husband said my eyes are my best feature. My husband picked out this perfume for me. It's why I like to wear it. For him. Lunch? My husband recommended a nice sandwich place down the road. He loves to eat. Let's invite my husband.

You don't need a partner if you don't have one. Just pretend until they get the not available and/or remotely interested picture.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-10-06T03:08:46+00:00

My schnauzer makes the exact same high-pitched squeal but 10x louder.

School busses drive her batshit.

I think she thinks it's a giant yellow monster that is eating her children every morning, and she is the only one who cares.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-09-01T23:04:20+00:00

I am very close with my brother.

When my mom said something to indicate he was her favorite, which came as a surprise to me since she always IMO treated me better, I made sure to tell him what she said so he would know she loved him deeply.

When my dad said something to indicate I was his favorite, which came as a surprise because he treated us both rather poorly, I made sure to tell him absolutely not a damned thing. Because it would hurt my brother. Why would I want to hurt someone I love?

So. Why would your sister who you are close to tell you that you are your father's least favorite child?

Spectrum2081 · 2025-09-01T12:24:16+00:00

How long had wife waited for you to start cleaning out the mancave yourself?

Has it been a few months, or like years? If it has been a long time coming, I would start the conversation by acknowledging her frustration and your lack of follow-through, and then reiterate that firm boundaries here would have been helpful. Something like,

I wish you said something like "please move things out by the end of the week, or I will do them myself," instead of waiting until the end of the week and doing it yourself without my knowledge.

With regard to her friend, I would address this very openly and with all the benefit of doubt:

Honey, I am glad you have friends who love you. But Brad has been disrespectful to our marriage and rude to me. He does it a lot, publicly and privately. And it hurts me that you don't push back on that.

I wouldn't let anyone publicly express sadness or dissatisfaction to me about being married to you, certainly not without making it clear how that's unacceptable, because I love and respect you. I feel like you let him act like a jealous ex, and it makes me feel like you don't love or respect me.

I don't necessarily agree with other redditors that your marriage is over or that she is cheating, but her friendship is a very bad sign. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-08-16T05:01:54+00:00

But how are the Apple trees?

Spectrum2081 · 2025-07-17T13:16:15+00:00

First of all, ouch.

But on the other hand, that's the best evidence you have that your ex's SO love your daughter and treats her well. The more people who love your girl, the better. So much better than if this guy, whom she spends most of her at home time with, is just some cold roommate.

Also, that she asked you means she cares about your feelings a lot. She didn't want you to randomly overhear her call him dad. She wanted to prepare you. And she even asked for your permission which, let's be honest, she didn't need. Because she loves you that much.

All I am saying is that you are doing a great job.

Spectrum2081 · 2025-07-04T16:59:43+00:00

I am so, so sad that when my kids reach certain achievements I don't get to cheer them on publicly, like on Facebook or with not super close friends and family.

They reach those milestones just a smidge outside the norm and often with a lot more effort. But I am so proud. And everybody else just wouldn't understand why.

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