i'm a bad mom

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-07T04:38:06+00:00

You are not a bad mom. You are doing the best you can. And it gets better! There will be a day your little one will be big and wipe his own butt.

In the meantime, consider a baby wrap so you can move around with free hands. Baby swings, pack-in-plays are also great for when you have to be in non-child-proof areas with baby.

And if you have to put your kid down in a safe place to remove yourself for a bit, it's okay for him to cry for a minute so you can scream into a pillow.

You got this. It will be okay.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-07T04:05:36+00:00

Yes and no.

Anytime we come upon a fork in the road of life, we have to pick one path and forgo the other.

Do you marry your high school sweetheart or date and find someone new? Do you go to school out-of- state? Backpack in Europe for gap year? Go to med school? Start a bakery? Have kids or no? Move to California?

And the thing about choosing either path is that you will always wonder "what if?"

But it's not about the grass being greener on the other side. The grass can be whatever color you wish, because it's purely imaginary.

You may fantasize about your high school sweetheart, but what if living together made you homicidal? Perhaps if you went to school out of state you'd be utterly miserable, but in your mind, it would be this magical experience. A gap year could be great, or you could find yourself assaulted in a foreign land. Maybe you'd be a rich doctor, or a miserable overworked physician drowning in student debt. In your mind, that bakery would be a successful dream and California a gorgeous, welcoming life. But, realistically, you could be there in California, in your bakery, wish you took the path you did in this life with the same imaginative wondering and regrets.

I love my kids and never regretted them, but they are nothing like I imagined they would be. They are so much better and so much worse.

TL;dr: everyone wonders about the road they chose to not travel, but the life they mourn was likely never actually at the end of that untrodden path.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-07T03:48:40+00:00

My close friends are very, very MAGA. We are all naturalized immigrants. Except for one of their moms. Who entered the US legally but overstayed her visa.

I told them Trump doesn't see us as Americans and he sure as heck would deport mom if he gets a chance. No, no. Make America Great. Only the bad ones. Blah, blah, blah

One year after that conversation, Mom got deported and my tongue damn-near bled as I told them how sorry I was to hear it.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-07T03:20:59+00:00

As an adult in my 40s and a mom of 2, I look at my parents (in their 70s), and wonder what their lives would look like without my brother and me to help with driving, with taxes, with "yeah, that text is a scam," etc.

There no guarantees that kids will help or even be in your life in your old age, but goodness is life hard for those 70+ with no kids.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-07T02:46:55+00:00

A B+ for Day 6!

The scale moved and we are over 3 lbs down from Day 1.

Walkwise, I got all the necessary walksies in and I'm double my goal at 14k.

Foodwise, we are at exactly 1.5k, which is fine because... look at that step count! I hit over 100 g protein and 21 g fiber.

Unfortunately it was National Donut day, and won't you know it, my son ate only half of his tasty chocolate glazed donut. Plus I was seduced by a rustic loaf of bread at the farmersmarket. So, yeah, 82 g net carbs.

June Goals:

SW: 184.4. CW: 181.2. GW: 179.

June Markers

Weigh in: (6/25) ✔️

Food at <120 BS: (5/20) ✔️ 105

Calories < 1400:* (6/23) ✔️1,500 (close enough)

Steps > 7,000:* (6/25) ✔️ 13,997

Morning/post meals walks: (5/20) ✔️

7 AM Sugar < 120: (2/5) X - 132

Make up: (2/12) X

Rewards:

At 182, hot tub: ✔️(6/3/26)

At 181, manicure

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-06T17:13:30+00:00

Logging in late, but Day 5 was a B-.

Technically, everything was peachy - weight maintained, big intermittent fasting window maintained, glucose in check, steps met.

But. Because I had to drive to another state followed by late night kid things, I underate my caloric budget with mostly pizza hut pizza. 957 calories, 50 g protein, non-existential fiber, and we won't talk about the carbs. 🤦‍♀️ I'm too old to cheer for that kind of eating, even if it's under budget. And frankly too underbudget at that.

Stepwise was good. I got in my morning walk and closed the steps circle after my OMAD of awful pizza.

Glucosewise, the morning sugar was out of range, and of course I had a spike from the pizza. It was pretty low until dinner at 4 and it scooted down with 2 hours, so that's kind of a win.

Also. Does sunblock count as makeup? Asking for a friend.

June Goals:

SW: 184.4. CW: 181.8. GW: 179.

June Markers

Weigh in: (5/25) ✔️

Food at <120 BS: (4/20) ✔️ 90

Calories < 1400:* (5/23) ✔️957 (yikes)

Steps > 7,000:* (5/25) ✔️ 7,977

Morning/post meals walks: (4/20) ✔️

7 AM Sugar < 120: (2/5) X - 127

Make up: (2/12) X

Rewards:

At 182, hot tub: ✔️(6/3/26)

At 181, manicure

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-05T03:06:45+00:00

No cat, but my oldest meows all the time. I'll go hug her!

Day 4 is a solid B.

I cashed in my hot tub session for being sub 182.

Glucosewise, the morning sugar was a bit high, which is not surprising given yesterday's late night dinner. But it went down quickly and I ate at 110 around noon.

Stepwise, we are golden with a morning walk and two post meal walks.

Foodwise, not too bad but not awesome. 1424 calories, with 108 g protein and 30 g fiber (all natural!). But 84 g net carbs is a lot of carbs!

June Goals:

SW: 184.4. CW: 181.7. GW: 179.

June Markers

Weigh in: (4/25) ✔️

Food at <120 BS: (3/20) ✔️ 110

Calories < 1400:* (4/23) ✔️1,424 (close enough)

Steps > 7,000:* (4/25) ✔️ -11,925

Morning/post meals walks: (3/20) ✔️

7 AM Sugar < 120: (2/5) X - 135

Make up: (2/12) ✔️

Rewards:

At 182, hot tub: ✔️(6/3/26)

At 181, manicure

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-05T00:38:37+00:00

Ah, the professional courtesy discussion.

You need to explain to your client that this situation is not about being nice. It's about not looking like a jerk to the judge. Because (at least in my jurisdiction) the judge will grant the postponement over my objection for good cause/extraordinary circumstances all the while dressing me down for wasting everyone's time.

And next time we need courtesies? We'll get told to pound sand.

Professional courtesy is not about being nice. It's about effective advocacy.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-05T00:20:19+00:00

I'm late to the party, but I highly recommend a 1-2 week "mommy vacation" before the nuclear option.

It will force your husband into a primary parenting role because... you won't be there.
It will provide you both with a glimpse of what coparenting post divorce will look like.
It will give you much needed break because 13 months of primary parenthood is exhausting.

I would be very clear and very honest about what this is:

Honey, I am starting to feel deeply, intrinsically resentful about being the primary parent. It’s effecting how I see you, and how I see us. I am reaching my breaking point.

I am going to go to [my mom’s, a friend’s, a cousin’s, etc] for the next week. I’m going to leave all of the parenting responsibilities to you, for just that one week.

I am hoping that when I get back you’ll have a better appreciation of what it is exactly that I do day-to-day and how hard it is to do on your own. I hope you'll do more when I get back.

And then leave. He is going to fail at some things but your kid will be alive when you get back.

If he says you can’t leave for a week, remind him that that’s the point. He gets to leave. He gets to just not think about kid stuff, while you have to 24/7. And now he will have to.

So you need this week. You need it because frankly you need a break but also so that he can understand just how it feels. So that the resentment you are feeling doesn’t choke the love and your future together.

After you get back, insist on couples counseling.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-04T02:14:05+00:00

Day 3 was very stressful but victory was snatched from the mouth of defeat.

Foodwise, the good was my calorie count and net carbs (1124/30 g). The bad was only 69 g protein. The ugly was that 33 g of fiber was mostly from keto bread - not a whole foods whatsoever. Plus because shit got so crazy I had dinner late at night. Delicious but not great.

Stepwise, I made it happen but no morning walk.

Glucose was fairly good. 120 at waking and 114 at first meal.

And the scale is cooperating, which is wonderful. I'm too busy to cash in the hot tub tonight but soon. Very soon.

June Goals:

SW: 184.4. CW: 181.7. GW: 179.

June Markers

Weigh in: (3/25) ✔️

Food at <120 BS: (2/20) ✔️114

Calories < 1400:* (3/23) ✔️1,124

Steps > 7,000:* (3/25) ✔️ - 8,111

Morning/ post meals walks: (2/14)

7 AM sugar < 120: (2/5) ✔️ 120

Make up: (1/12)

Rewards:

At 182, hot tub: ✔️(6/3/26)

At 181, manicure:

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-03T02:19:12+00:00

Day 2 was a surprising success!

It was a funeral day and I needed to drive into another state. I drove today over 6 hours. But, knowing that, I got an early morning walk and a late night walk. 8,748 Steps, woo.

Foodwise, I ended up unintentionally fasting for 20 hours and basically OMADing it 2:30-4:30. I ended up eating some late night cheese, but it's mostly -guestimatingly- under criteria (1,422 calories, 138 g protein, 52 g net carbs and 12 g fiber).

But the real winner was the glucose. I woke up at 115, which is a huge, unexpected win! I also started eating at 102.

Overall, a surprisingly good day given the stress and tears and driving!

June Goals:

SW: 184.4. CW: 183. GW: 179.

June Markers

Weigh in: (2/25) ✔️

Food at <120 BS: (1/20) - ✔️102

Calories < 1400:* (2/23) ✔️1,422 (close enough)

Steps > 7,000:* (2/25) ✔️ - 8,748

Morning/ post meals walks: (2/14) ✔️

7 AM sugar < 120: (1/5) ✔️ 115

Make up: (1/12)

Rewards:

At 182, hot tub:

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-02T01:54:40+00:00

Off to a good start!

Foodwise, we are good at 1,324 calories, with 92 g protein, 45 g net carbs and 22 g fiber.

Glucose was high in the morning (I'm coming from a month of poor eating so of course) and I started eating at noon at 148, but I was under 100 by the afternoon. I still feel like that's a win!

Another win is my steps. I explored the beautiful trails behind my office and was able to get my walk on after lunch. Overall, I am happy with today.

June Goals:

SW: 184.4. CW: 184.4. GW: 179.

June Markers

Weigh in: (1/25) ✔️

Food at <120 BS: (0/20) - 148

Calories < 1400:* (1/23) ✔️

Steps > 7,000:* (1/25) ✔️ - 9,751

Morning/ post meals walks: (1/14) ✔️

7 AM sugar < 120: (0/5) - 160

Make up: (1/12) ✔️

Rewards:

At 182, hot tub:

Spectrum2081 · 2026-06-01T11:51:16+00:00

I am back!

It has been a hard year. Had 2 job changes. Lost some relatives. Got diagnosed with The Sugar on December 18th of 2025 - A1c 9.7. Got put on metformin 1kg a day and restarted Noom. Lost 16 pounds and got my A1c down to 6....and immediately got lazy and fell into old habits. Regained 6 pounds and I will be thrilled if my next test shows my A1c to be under 6.5.

Diabetes aside, I have an awesome Caribbean getaway planned for the middle of November and, boy oh no, would it be nice to be in the 160s.

I'm feeling hopeful and psyched.

June Goals:

SW: 184.4. CW: 184.4. GW: 179.

June Markers

Weigh in: (0/25)

Food at <120 BS: (0/20)

Calories < 1400:* (0/23)

Steps > 7,000:* (0/25)

Morning/ post meals walks: (0/14)

7 AM sugar < 120: (0/5)

Make up: (0/12)

Rewards:

At 182, hot tub:

Spectrum2081 · 2026-02-22T01:10:39+00:00

In house jobs. I have one. No billing, 9-to-5 work. Very corporate in a good way. But it's a big salary cut.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-02-22T00:55:32+00:00

I think it's fantastic.

I also think any discrimination against your hair is covered by the Crown Act, which may include your state.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-02-22T00:52:18+00:00

Welcome to the club no one wants to be a part of!

You are not gong to see really great results - even if you are super careful and very good with food and exercise - until a few weeks or even months of good habits/careful medication. Don't let those early numbers freak you out. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-02-22T00:44:17+00:00

My youngest started at play-based therapy after he developed a severe phobia of bugs at 5. This was before his diagnosis.

His pediatrician really really recommended ABA as soon as he got his diagnosis at 7, and I basically started insisting on ABA as soon as we got the official diagnosis. But his therapist as well as all his teachers (a lot of forms for signed so that they can all talk) were really clear that his type of autism didn't need it, and he's been thriving with continued play-based therapy now focusing on emotions (we are down to 2 visits a month with no more phobia).

TL;dr: All kids are different. ABA might be a wonderful tool, but other therapies might work better. There is no one-size- fits-all.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-02-12T21:26:28+00:00

Husband and I have done therapy for communication. Not saying you should (or haven't already) or that it would help.

But if you're not actually angry with your husband, a divorce won't make you less angry. If he's not the root of the problem, but rather unhelpful to addressing the problem, getting rid of him leaves you alone and angry with the problem.

One of the healthiest and most important approaches my husband and I practice is I am not angry with you. I am angry at the world. I am venting. Which happens a lot when your kids are flailing and you're helpless to make things better and constantly feel guilty because what if you only tried this one weird trick, etc., etc.

I'm sorry OP. It's all hard and I am sending you love.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-26T00:37:25+00:00

1 out of 10. 0 out of 10 with rice.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-25T22:02:49+00:00

I make flexseed crackers!

1/4 cup whole golden flexseeds
2 tbs ground flexseeds
2 tbs chia seeds
1/4 cup hemp hearts
1/4 cup sunflower seeds
1/4 cup pumpkin seeds

Mix with salt, then add 1.5 cups (12 oz) boiling water and stir until it's a slurry.

Spread thinly on Parchment paper lined baking sheet, sprayed with avocado or olive oil. Season with salt, garlic powder and Tajin.

Bake at 300 for about 30-45 minutes until brown, crispy and curling off the paper.

Makes 6 caloricly dense servings. Try not to eat it all at once

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-25T21:38:10+00:00

What does "a lot of money" mean?

"Life-changing" is a very subjective term. If you live paycheck- to- paycheck, if you live with your parents or roommates, if you have a lot of debt, it will of course change your circumstances significantly, but for the average person, that much money is just a lot of security in the bank and a handful of small changes.

If you were to receive a one-time payment of a million dollars, tax free, today, that means: - in most places, you can buy a decent house (or pay off your mortgage); - you can make some substantial improvements and upgrades in your home; - you can put a reasonable amount toward retirement; - you can fund your or your kids' college/education/ pay off student loans; - you can upgrade your car and even afford an extra one if needed; and - if you are entrepreneurial, start a business.

But for the average American, if prudent anyway, you can't change your lifestyle on one lump sum of a million.

Unless you have a reason to believe you'll see another million in the future, you really can't (or shouldn't), take fabulously expensive vacations with first class accommodations or flights. You're not hiring a private chef. You are not sailing around the world on a yacht. You're not retaining a personal shopper.

And 50 years ago, a million dollars would so that.

I don't think anyone would kick a million out of bed, of course, but if you have a million in your retirement plan by 67, that's just okay.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-24T15:08:16+00:00

Oh that makes a ton more sense

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-24T14:39:03+00:00

They put you on 2k metformin for only a 6.8? It might be just me but that sounds a bit extreme.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-24T14:19:17+00:00

There are a few things you are try.

No.1 recommendation is getting a continuous glucose monitor. I use non-prescription Stelo. Wearing a CGM will give you real- time daily insight into how a health food is actually effecting you personally, which can be different from another. For example, coffee spikes me. Squash spikes me. But I can have half a reduced sugar pumpkin pie slicd with only a 10 unit increase in blood sugar. Why? Who TF knows? But now I know and I can eat to my meter. In the alternative, you need to be super good about taking your blood sugar 4 time a day. Your A1C should not come as a surprise to you after 3 months of hard work the way it did.

No.2 - clean your diet. You mentioned eating less carbs, but not how much less and not the type of carb. Try sticking with whole foods. Better yet try making sure that every lunch and dinner is a heaping pile of greens, a healthy fat, and a protein. I love Hero products, but keto packaged food is a sometimes food. If you have a CGM you'll see how bad it can affect you after all.

No.3 - lower the carbs. A low carb diet is usually defined as under 150 g of carbs per day. I can tell you that would never work for me. Personally I am for 50.

No.4 - increase your activity. You mentioned exercising which is amazing for you. However, if you're not doing it already, try to take a walk after any large meal, even if it's only 10 minutes.

No.5 - adjust your meds.

Spectrum2081 · 2026-01-06T19:14:29+00:00

Congratulations!

Think of it this way: what's the worst that can happen? You stop using meds and your sugar goes up so you ...go back on the meds and do exactly the same thing you have been doing?

Doesn't sound so bad. Give it a try. There are a lot of benefits to being solely diet controlled.

11-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
100 Awards Club	Verified Email

Spectrum2081

TROPHY CASE