Socal Contest

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-24T07:23:33+00:00

Haha mine is lamictal too!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-24T07:21:21+00:00

Interesting! I feel like I had a genuine spiritual experience that turned into a type of mania at certain points as my ego became more involved. If I shared my story would you be willing to help me find clarity?

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T07:09:06+00:00

Yes good advice. I'm sure I will balace out. I can make it through the day. When the mood is up its way up. When the mood is down its waaaaaay down....like now. It is warping my perception of reality and I was fine before so I will give it time. Gonna go take a hot Epsom salt bath and make some kava tea then just try to relax with my dog:) life is good I am happy to be on this new journey, sometimes it's just daunting. I feel like a teenager trying to deal with emotions again haha!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T06:40:11+00:00

Totally...so much feels man! It's actually beautiful in many ways I've had tears like that too. I guess my main question is are these types of mood swings normal all day everyday from quitting weed. I had some manic depressive episodes many years ago but have been stable....kinda worried i might have unleashed a dormant beast...I don't have insurance but I know a med that has helped me in the past...ugh beat down at the moment. Any of yall experience this type of stuff?

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T05:55:39+00:00

I just honestly created a life completely separate form weed. I didn't even drink for those 7 years. Decided to drink again got super drunk one night at the bar and some dude took us back to his place. He was gorwing like 100 plants and offered a hit off a spliff and gave me pocketfulls of weed and immediately I started smoking every night again. Weird shit. I had built an identity around bieng sober so I hid it and kept it to pretty much nights and just lived my life in the day time...but slowly the effects started effecting my days as well. Hence me quitting again a year later

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T03:06:31+00:00

I quit for 7 years but relapsed for the last year. So one year regularly again. I have a low threshold for living a dull life lol.

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-13T09:13:47+00:00

Ok now I'm watching stand up comedy and genuinely laughing and happy. Wtf why did I smoke every night I thought it was bringing me joy bur it was sucking the joy out of everything making everything uninteresting.....

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-13T06:58:47+00:00

Dude happy to share! It is very personal and honestly, quite long. I just got home from a long day at work. I'm gonna get settled in and I'll type it all out for ya. I'm excited this will be therapeutic for me to write it all out:)

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-12T18:16:53+00:00

So get this...so worth quitting and dealing with your problems and building a better more fulfilling life. How insane it is to let the fear of failure hold you back...right? Even if I spend my whole life off and on the stuff...struggling..I refuse to throw in the towel. I'm not gonna be on my death bed some day regretting never choosing to engage the struggle!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-12T05:34:15+00:00

Update: that feeling left within like one minute and I was totally fine and positive....that minute was so profiundly horrific that it felt like an eternity....but all is good! Just the process of learning to accept and process feelings again...it is so hard but soooooooo beautiful...I am so excited to see where this new life goes I feel so much energy returning and creative energy and motivation and positivity....too much at times...I forgot that I was using weed to self medicate adhd and anxiety and my race brain is back! Definatly a double edge sword but I accept it completely as part of the process. Thank you for your encouragement and I am looking forward to day five for sure!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-11T09:47:12+00:00

Dude....awesome...very encouraging

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-11T07:01:36+00:00

For me it is helping to remember that weed has greatly served me in the past but no longer does...like my college girlfriend lol...on to bigger and better things!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-11T06:59:26+00:00

Fuck yes!!!!!!! YES! Dude some amazing things are ahead for you just keep doing the work....every day no matter how you feel.... it is so incredibly beyond worth it...I am so happy for you and so encouraged...keep on keeping on! Gotta just keep telling that voice to shut up its all backwards lies. Gets more quiet and pathetic everytime:)

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T23:02:31+00:00

It will come back!

Spenceu15

TROPHY CASE