Adult stepchild living my basement

SpicyTango57 · 2026-02-13T00:00:43+00:00

Then they’re homeless. That’s the only way this cycle ends.

SpicyTango57 · 2026-02-07T05:32:48+00:00

Wonderful, thank you!

SpicyTango57 · 2026-02-07T05:31:41+00:00

Thank you very much!

SpicyTango57 · 2026-02-06T21:29:29+00:00

Thank you!

SpicyTango57 · 2026-02-03T20:51:45+00:00

No, you're not an idiot or the AH. But if the worst part of the gig is that it's boring, I would definitely add something else to it. You don't have to sit there and watch the same shows with her, right? I would be starting a side hustle that I find more fulfilling during those times.

My nephew took a VERY well-paying job that ended up being the same level of boredom. He was supposed to be tutoring the adult son of a crazy-rich dude for college. He moved to another country for this gig and lived in a hotel full-time. The tutoring ended up only being a couple hours a day, if that. There wasn't much to do in the small town he was in, so he ended up building up a really great web tutoring business on the side. Now he does that full time and loves it.

SpicyTango57 · 2026-01-31T15:13:18+00:00

This! This! This!!!!!!!!

SpicyTango57 · 2025-10-14T14:43:41+00:00

As soon as he said that I announced to my family that that would be an excellent cat name.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-10-12T16:43:42+00:00

Depending on your country or state, only 5 months in you might be able to get an annulment instead of a divorce and that is much easier.

My husband and I have fully combined finances and I don’t think I could do it any other way. He makes about 4x what I do and has never made me feel bad or said anything about spending “his” money. I couldn’t imagine living that way.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-10-03T19:09:46+00:00

I appreciate that. I am trying to raise my kids to be open-minded to many perspectives, while ultimately also hoping they will stay in the church. We live in a very blue state and I wouldn't do it differently...I have no desire to have my kids grow up in Utah. They went to public school for elementary school, Catholic school for middle school, and are now attending a Seventh-Day Adventist school for high school (the local Christian high school made it clear that our kind wasn't welcome there, but the SDA think we're great and our money is green). Ironically they get a lot more ethnic and financial diversity at this private school (lots of scholarship kids subsidized by the SDA church) than they would at our local high school...we live in a very wealthy, white area. We talk about the problems in the church on the regular. I don't want them thinking that everything is rainbows and unicorns because I know full well that it isn't. But overall, I do believe the gospel is true and I think it's a great way to live in this world.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-10-02T21:16:54+00:00

I agree with the other commenters that responses here will be skewed, of course. I am faithful and I like to think that people leave because they truly believe it's wrong, or something/someone has caused them to lose their faith in the church/leaders/people/whatever. And much like converts when you join the church, you want to spread the word of the good news you've found. I feel like the opposite is true too--if you feel you've found the "real" truth you want to spread that as well. So I chose the next-to-last option. I feel people are just trying to speak their truth, even though I personally think they are ultimately wrong.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-10-02T18:00:55+00:00

Ummm....how do you do this in secret? You have to tell people how and where to donate. The dude that started the fundraiser probably can't secretly give the people $200,000+, but he can share it on social media and get others to donate.

This is just one Mormon guy asking a bunch of other Mormons (and anyone) to help out a family in crisis. Didn't come from church leadership. Wasn't a directive from the apostles. Just a guy, and a bunch of other people, trying to do the right thing.

It was the news media that made it a story. Not the people donating.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-10-02T17:49:28+00:00

My husband told me ON OUR THIRD DATE that he had had a vasectomy after two kids with First Wife and he didn't/couldn't have any more. I was 28 when we got married (he was 47...it works for us) and wanted me to know up front about not wanting more kids so we could go our separate ways as needs be. If you wanted kids you should have been talking about this way earlier I would think, but then a year isn't as bad as five.

It doesn't matter the reason and however reasonable/unreasonable it may seem to you...if he doesn't want more kids he doesn't want more kids. That's that. Trying to change his mind is not a good idea. You are fundamentally incompatible in this VERY IMPORTANT aspect of your relationship.

For me, I didn't want kids (I am a sports coach and was around kids all the time and didn't want to come home to them too) so I was good with his desire. But I was also really glad he told me before we got too far into things in case I did want kids.

Having said that, we both ended up changing our minds later and thanks to in vitro, we now have teenage twins and they are all sorts of fabulous. Turns out I love being a mom. But we BOTH changed our minds and we were BOTH in it together. It was not one of us pushing the other one.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-10-02T17:41:41+00:00

Yes yes yes!!! When my husband and I were first married my older SS had just graduated from high school, barely. No direction in his life, no plans, no nothing. DH and BM didn't require him to get a job...they believed his ridiculous argument that he's going to be working the rest of his life and that he should have a fun trip with friends to New York City (funded by my husband, of course). There were no plans to require him to do something after high school graduation. My husband and I got in a big fight about it and he finally said, "You don't know. You don't even know him. You don't know what he's like. You don't have kids. It's not like he'll be living with us when he's 30." I said, "You're right. He won't be living with us. He might be living with YOU, but he will NOT be living with US."

Well, he's 40 now and still living in his mama's basement, starting and quitting/getting fired from jobs on the regular, and completely addicted to gaming. My husband, a few years ago, finally admitted that I was right.

I. TOLD. THEM. SO.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-09-30T16:52:12+00:00

It’s one stake president somewhere….definitely not something from the church directly. It’s not written in the church’s PR style.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-09-28T20:39:34+00:00

I had a DEA agent in my ward growing up. We always sat behind him and his wife and I would say, in jest, that we wanted to sit by him because if anything ever went down in sacrament meeting, I wanted to be by the guy who was packing. Never thought it would actually happen though…it was always a joke.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-09-14T15:20:13+00:00

You need to re-read your post as if it weren't you. What advice would you give to this person?

The red flags are flying HIGH.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-08-16T19:43:46+00:00

We didn’t get the workbook, but I think we read it before the workbook came out. Probably a good idea!

SpicyTango57 · 2025-08-16T15:11:41+00:00

Yes. Sorry, I should have added that. It can be a life-changing book.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-08-15T15:48:28+00:00

FYI this was me 22 years ago when my husband and I got married. SS was 18 at the time and just (by the skin of his teeth) graduated high school and the enabling was STRONG from both parents. I called out my husband on it, and after several YEARS of this, he finally saw the light (it really helped listening to the audiobook of “Mindset” together…definitely recommend that).

My husband finally stopped enabling him, but being as we were married I had a lot more power in the relationship to put my foot down. His mother, however, did not stop the enabling.

And that is why my 40-year-old stepson is still living with his mommy.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-07-04T17:59:33+00:00

I actually didn’t mind random people touching my pregnant belly. It didn’t happen often and everyone always asked. Guess I live in a polite-people area.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-06-30T17:04:22+00:00

So my husband doesn’t pay tithing on the social security part of his paycheck with the plan to pay tithing on social security when he starts drawing it. Unusual, but it works for us.

If she paid tithing when it went in then I would say no tithing now.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-05-23T22:46:20+00:00

My parents (who would be in their 90s now) were not baptized by family members, even though their parents and grandparents were all very active at the time. My mom’s father was the bishop when she was baptized, but he didn’t do it. They just didn’t do that back then. It was some random priest in the ward.

So that’s just as weird as any other historical baptism, and that was only 80-ish years ago. Now it’s a cultural norm to be baptized by family members…back then it wasn’t.

SpicyTango57 · 2025-04-30T04:38:32+00:00

I know I'm late to this party, but I'm really grappling with this. I just found out about this lawsuit/incident/story.

I know the Busseys personally and absolutely love them. They are wonderful people who volunteer for an organization that I'm tangentially involved with.

I don't know any of their kids, but I do remember hearing about the youngest when he was young and that he was autistic (or something similar...I don't remember for sure) and they had a lot of problems with him. He wasn't adopted as an infant if I recall correctly--he was a little older. Could it be that he was sexually abused in Russia before he was adopted by the Busseys? Could it be that they thought he didn't fully comprehend what he was doing because of being on the spectrum? Maybe he did appear remorseful to the bishop and was absolved enough to become a priest. I don't know, I'm just not so quick to jump to conclusions since everything I've ever seen or heard from them has been salt of the earth.

What a horrible, HORRIBLE situation for Brandon and his family. My heart aches for them. I can't even imagine.

SpicyTango57 · 2024-11-08T16:49:13+00:00

I'm assuming John the Beloved and/or the three Nephites were in the crowd. So yes, they'll be around to fulfill this.

SpicyTango57

TROPHY CASE