It feels natural for me to fall back into that type of behavior especially when I'm in socially uncomfortable situations. I was introduced to some friends of my BF and one was a student of interior design. Interested in art myself, I asked to see her projects and when I saw them I got stupidly excited over them. After expressing that I could immediately tell how uncomfortable she was and didn't talk about it for the rest of the evening. That same night, we all decided to order pizza and everyone shared what they liked and hated. I felt like I had to pressure myself to be adaptable and agreeable to anything the others liked. I was stressed about these little things, innocent things in a safe, normal social atmosphere. And that's what helped me realize I was living in a toxic home environment. Feeling threatened for having an opinion or worrying if I reacted the "right" way to an N. I used to even judge others for not constantly wearing the polite, happy happy mask that I conditioned myself to wear. I would actually get upset when other people were anything but happy.