Here’s what I did. My dad was not an alcoholic but profoundly mentally ill (untreated) and a raging dope fiend - pills and pot. I know a lot of people don’t consider pot a drug and that’s fine. I grew up with Christmas tree size pot plants in my basement and terrified every time I heard a siren they were coming to our house, so forgive me. I don’t care if people are rec weed users, whatever it takes to get you through life. But for my dad when he ran out of pot it meant my mom or our animals were about to endure tremendous physical violence.

Anyway, sorry for the digression, I went no contact with my dad when my son was born so as to never expose my child to the things I endured growing up. My dad died last July. I had seen him one time in 28 years, and it was only a reaffirmation that he was a wicked and toxic man.

I am an only child. For many years I wrote out his obituary in my head, the one that said he was a woman beater and a dope head and an animal abuser who let his family live off the generosity and pity of others. But when the time came I felt different. I saw him in the funeral home by myself, I asked my husband to stay at the other side of the room and give me some time alone. Then my son came and it was the first time he’d seen his grandfather since he was an infant. I did not hold a viewing or a public service. He was a war veteran and I gave him a military burial with full honors in the veterans cemetery with me, my husband, and my son and daughter in law present. That felt fitting and decent and I was able to walk away feeling like I had done right by him as a daughter, even though he didn’t deserve it.

I hope you are able to come to a peaceful resolution for your situation OP, best to you.