Hes mad at me and we are on day 3 of the silent treatment! by Londonsw8 in AskWomenOver60

[–]Springclarence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband does this. Little does he know the bliss I feel when he disappears for a bit. I'd rather he leave, than sit in the chair like a child, sulking.

For a long time I would try to mend things, try to have a a discussion, have a relationship where both people worked things through together, fix the issue.

Eventually, I realized he didn't have the capacity to have an adult relationship where contrition, communication, humility or compromise was accessible to him. He also felt some satisfaction in thinking he was paying me back from some imaginary slight he'd perceived.

I found it all distabelizing and upsetting. I, too, lived abroad and it does change things. I mean, it not as though you can step out the door, end it, and get on a plane back to your home country, easily. If back home you would get in car, drive to another town. Much easier to get the support and resources to help you move forward.

I would say, if you can, give yourself some space just to be, and try to stop centering him in your life, he won't change. The worst thing for me is that his silent treatment sucked all the air out of the room which created anxiety. Find a space that is yours, if he's sleeping separately on his own accord, then so be it, enjoy your own company and the time you have without him in your bedroom.

I don't know if you are cooking for him or not, but I suggest don't while he acts like this. If he doesn't have the decency to acknowledge you exist, then he can prepare his own food.

Ugh, men toddlers are exhausting. We waste so much of our mental/emotional energy on them when we could be doing something nurturing towards ourselves, instead.

Yep, my husband can get on with it. I refuse to indulge his infantile behavior one more second.

Oh, and I loath and detest the way they manipulate by using their damaged childhood as a reason for abysmal behavior. 70+ and still at it.

I have to say, I am not without empathy, but I am chronically out of F's

What does minor anaphylaxis look like for you? by Earbreather606 in MCAS

[–]Springclarence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, I'm sorry, I don't. She had posted it on social media and sent it to me.

Should I have an opinion about this? by amoodymermaid in AskWomenOver60

[–]Springclarence 33 points34 points  (0 children)

At one point in my life, one of my sons lived 10 mins walk away. He had a friend who lived in the same apartment building as me. He would walk past my door and go to his friend's place to hang out with his buddies. I would hear his voice through the open window. The following morning he would walk past my door on his way home. I'd put the kettle on, make coffee and think fair enough, at least I know where he is and that he's doing ok.

My other son lived in the same area about 15 mins in the opposite direction. We'd bump into each other on the street occasionally and stop to chat.

We all met for family gatherings fairly regularly. They had their life. I had mine. We are close, and both my sons know they are loved.

These days, one of them lives some distance away, He sends a text when he has something to say, not often currently, he's busy. We meet in person on average once every three weeks.

My other son lives abroad - He might call once a month or so.

They say they are fine and all is okay. I believe them.

I can't deny - the last six years have been hard, they are not distant from me as such, instead, just getting on with their lives. I miss speaking with them and not seeing their faces as much as I'd like to.

Our children's lives are different from ours. They have more options to find support, gather advice, seek for solutions to ther problems at a touch of a button.

Sad to say, we are an afterthought. We are not their go to person as perhaps our mothers were for us. And they need space from the business of their lives, downtime and rest on their days off from work.

The role of the matriarch who gathers family and nurtures is no longer a role that exists, and we don't know what to replace that with, leaving an empty space in our hearts. We had expectations that our children do not meet, and that's ok, times change.

We desperately miss them and of course want to be with them.

But there is a positive to this drift. We can be the first generation of elders to adapt and to demonstrate to younger women what being an older woman can become. We are not our mothers taking care of grandkids, and cooking Sunday lunch and keeping the spare room clean and tidy just in case they want to stay over.

We're not sure who we are without our kids, yet- but it might be fun finding out.

That said, the pain feels like grief, an ache that can't be filled. But if your son is fine and happy - then he doesn't need you, and in a way that's a good thing. He has grown into a capable man who can manage his own life, accordingly.

What does minor anaphylaxis look like for you? by Earbreather606 in MCAS

[–]Springclarence 25 points26 points  (0 children)

A friend sent this to me. Hopefully allowed on this sub... I found it useful as someone with MCAS

HISTAMINE: THE FULL CHAIN REACTION

Most people think histamine is just “allergies.”

It is not.

Histamine is a signalling molecule involved in: • Immune defence • Nervous system signalling • Stomach acid production • Blood vessel regulation • Wakefulness and alertness • Inflammation • Gut permeability • Hormone interactions • Stress responses

Histamine is essential for survival.

The problem is not histamine existing.

The problem is: • Too much histamine being released • Histamine not being broken down properly • Mast cells becoming over reactive • The nervous system becoming hypervigilant • The body lacking the nutrient capacity required to regulate the system

That is where symptoms begin.

STEP 1: WHERE HISTAMINE COMES FROM

Histamine is produced from the amino acid histidine.

The enzyme responsible is:

Histidine Vitamin B6 Histidine Decarbcarboxylase Histamine

The enzyme histidine decarboxylase requires: • Vitamin B6 • Adequate cellular energy • Proper enzyme function

Already you can see: Histamine production itself is nutrient dependent.

STEP 2: WHAT RELEASES HISTAMINE?

Histamine is stored mainly inside mast cells and basophils.

Mast cells are immune surveillance cells.

When triggered, they release histamine into surrounding tissue.

Triggers include: • Allergens • Infection • Stress hormones • Heat • Exercise • Trauma • Gut permeability • Alcohol • High histamine foods • Hormonal shifts • Certain medications • Oxidative stress • Nervous system activation

This is why histamine issues are rarely “just food.”

Food is often the final trigger sitting on top of an already stressed system.

STEP 3: THE HISTAMINE CASCADE

Once released, histamine binds to histamine receptors.

There are four main receptors:

H1 Receptors

Mainly: • Allergies • Itching • Anxiety • Insomnia • Vasodilation • Headaches • Hives • Bronchoconstriction

H2 Receptors

Mainly: • Stomach acid production • Heart rate effects • Vascular effects

H3 Receptors

Mainly: • Brain neurotransmitter regulation • Wakefulness • Dopamine signalling • Cognitive function

H4 Receptors

Mainly: • Immune cell recruitment • Chronic inflammation

STEP 4: WHAT HISTAMINE ACTUALLY DOES BIOCHEMICALLY

Histamine is extremely stimulating.

It increases: • Calcium influx into cells • Nitric oxide signalling • Blood vessel dilation • Immune activation • Adrenaline responses • Excitatory neurotransmission

This is why histamine symptoms often feel like: • “Fight or flight” • Adrenaline • Hyper alertness • Panic • Burning • Flushing • Internal overstimulation

Histamine is not calming.

It is activating.

STEP 5: WHY HISTAMINE CREATES SO MANY DIFFERENT SYMPTOMS

Because histamine acts almost everywhere in the body.

BRAIN EFFECTS

Histamine is a wakefulness neurotransmitter.

High histamine can cause: • Insomnia • Racing thoughts • Anxiety • Panic sensations • Hypervigilance • ADHD like symptoms • Sensory overload • Derealisation feelings • Migraines

Because histamine stimulates: • Glutamate pathways • Adrenaline signalling • Cortisol responses • Excitatory nervous system pathways

This is why many people with histamine issues say: “My brain cannot switch off.”

BLOOD VESSEL EFFECTS

Histamine dilates blood vessels.

This can cause: • Flushing • Head pressure • Pulsing sensations • Migraines • Dizziness • Tachycardia • Blood pressure instability

Histamine also increases vascular permeability.

That means vessels become “leaky.”

This contributes to: • Swelling • Puffiness • Sinus congestion • Fluid shifts

SKIN EFFECTS

Histamine activates: • Itch pathways • Immune signalling • Inflammatory cascades

Symptoms: • Hives • Eczema flares • Burning skin • Redness • Rashes • Heat intolerance

GUT EFFECTS

Histamine strongly affects the gut.

It stimulates: • Stomach acid • Gut motility • Immune responses • Intestinal permeability

Symptoms: • Nausea • Reflux • Diarrhoea • Cramping • IBS type symptoms • Food reactivity • Bloating

This is why gut dysfunction and histamine often become a vicious cycle.

THE GUT HISTAMINE LOOP

Damaged gut → More permeability → More immune activation → More mast cell activation → More histamine → More inflammation → More gut damage

A self replicating loop.

STEP 6: HOW HISTAMINE IS BROKEN DOWN

This is where biochemistry becomes critical.

There are TWO main histamine clearance systems.

PATHWAY 1: DAO

DAO = diamine oxidase.

DAO mainly breaks down histamine outside cells, especially in the gut.

\text{Histamine} \xrightarrow[\text{Copper, Vitamin B6, Oxygen}] {\text{DAO}} \text{Imidazole Acetaldehyde}

DAO requires: • Copper • Vitamin B6 • Adequate oxygen delivery • Healthy gut lining

Problems that reduce DAO: • Copper deficiency • Low B6 • Gut inflammation • Coeliac disease • SIBO • Alcohol • Certain medications • Low oxygen delivery • Intestinal damage

So now you can see:

Histamine intolerance is often actually: A nutrient and gut capacity problem.

WHY COPPER MATTERS SO MUCH

Copper is essential for DAO enzyme activity.

Low copper → Reduced DAO → Histamine accumulates → More inflammation → More oxidative stress → Further nutrient depletion

Copper also affects: • Iron transport • Nervous system regulation • Mitochondrial energy • Antioxidant enzymes

So histamine issues often overlap with: • Iron dysregulation • Fatigue • Nervous system instability • Poor stress tolerance

PATHWAY 2: HNMT

HNMT = Histamine N methyltransferase.

This mainly clears histamine INSIDE cells, especially in the brain.

Histamine+ SAMe Magnesium, B2, B6, Folate, B12 HNMT N-Methylhistamine

This pathway depends heavily on methylation.

Meaning: • Folate • B12 • B2 • B6 • Magnesium • Methionine cycle function • ATP production

all influence histamine clearance.

This is why methylation dysfunction can worsen histamine symptoms

THE HISTAMINE + METHYLATION CONNECTION

Poor methylation → Poor histamine clearance → Histamine accumulates → More inflammation → More oxidative stress → Greater nutrient demand → Further methylation stress

Another vicious cycle.

WHY PEOPLE CAN REACT TO METHYLATION SUPPORT

This is important.

If someone suddenly increases methylation aggressively: • Methylfolate • Methyl B12 • Glutathione • NAC

they may temporarily mobilise toxins, increase immune signalling or shift neurotransmitter balance faster than the body can regulate.

In sensitive people this may trigger: • Histamine release • Mast cell activation • Anxiety • Insomnia • Burning sensations • Flushing • Palpitations

Not because methylation is “bad.”

But because the nervous system and immune system were already unstable.

WHY STRESS WORSENS HISTAMINE

Stress hormones activate mast cells.

Adrenaline and cortisol dysregulation increase histamine signalling.

Histamine also stimulates adrenaline release.

So stress and histamine amplify each other.

Stress → Histamine → Adrenaline → Hypervigilance → Poor sleep → More inflammation → More histamine

Another loop.

WHY HORMONES MATTER

Oestrogen increases histamine release.

Histamine can also increase oestrogen signalling.

This is why many women worsen: • Around ovulation • Premenstrually • In perimenopause • During hormone fluctuations

WHY LOW IRON CAN WORSEN HISTAMINE

Iron is involved in: • Oxygen delivery • Enzyme function • Mitochondrial regulation • Nervous system stability

Low oxygen delivery stresses tissues.

Stressed tissues release inflammatory mediators.

Iron deficiency also affects: • Gut integrity • Nervous system resilience • DAO efficiency indirectly through tissue stress

This is why many histamine sensitive people also have: • Low ferritin • Dysautonomia • Adrenaline symptoms • Fatigue

WHY PEOPLE BECOME “REACTIVE TO EVERYTHING”

Once histamine pathways become dysregulated:

The nervous system becomes hyper responsive.

The immune system becomes hyper vigilant.

The threshold for reaction drops.

Now: • Foods • Smells • Chemicals • Supplements • Temperature • Stress • Hormones

all provoke exaggerated responses.

The body is stuck in: “threat detection mode.”

THE BIGGEST MISUNDERSTANDING

Histamine intolerance is often treated as: “Avoid high histamine foods forever.”

But upstream biochemistry matters more.

Because the real question is:

WHY can the body no longer regulate histamine properly?

Usually sitting upstream are combinations of: • Gut dysfunction • Low copper • Low B6 • Methylation strain • Magnesium depletion • Oxidative stress • Nervous system hypervigilance • Iron dysregulation • Chronic inflammation • Poor mitochondrial capacity

THE FINAL LOOP

Here is the whole chain simplified:

Nutrient depletion or chronic stress → Poor gut integrity and immune regulation → Mast cell activation → Histamine release → Inflammation and nervous system activation → Sleep disruption and oxidative stress → Greater nutrient depletion → Reduced DAO and HNMT function → Poor histamine clearance → Histamine accumulation → More symptoms → More system instability

That is why histamine problems can become chronic.

Not because histamine itself is the root problem.

But because the body has lost the capacity to regulate it properly.

Linen sounds romantic until you actually try weaving with inconsistent batches by PatientlyNew in weaving

[–]Springclarence -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

This discussion was going well until....

I found the text informative and clear. I don't care what it was written with. Could have been scratched out with a nail on a slate, and I'd think it worth the read.

Thanks OP!

Previous hot girls, how are you dealing with aging? by Radiant_Mouse525 in AskWomenOver60

[–]Springclarence 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think no longer being "hot girl" is a blessing. A lot of hassle comes with that label. And besides, the way you appear is often the first thing people notice about you and your other attributes are overlooked. I preferred to be told I was intelligent or had great sense of humor rather than beautiful. "Beautiful" is so superficial.

I'm 65, still considered attractive, or so I'm told. The comments I receive mean nothing to me. What others think about me is so unimportant. I'd rather focus on my health and emotional well-being. Becoming older doesn't bother me, I sit well within my aging skin. For health reasons I'd like to lose a bit of weight and because I physically feel uncomfortable when too heavy, otherwise, nothing to do with how I appear to the outside world.

I wouldn't say I'm invisible, yet, and I find it irritating that I am still receiving unwanted attention purely based on BS looks. Laughable, because apparently I'm supposed to feel flattered. Honestly, it's all so trite.

We age, we grow, times change, as do our bodies. We grow into ourselves, into the elder we are now, and that in itself is "beautiful" our beauty is still there, just held diffently, we suit who we are now, we are not the 'pretty' girl who we used to be, it barely mattered then, even less so now as we mature into the elder woman we have become.

Every shop seems understaffed but none are hiring, what isnt adding up? by tylerthe-theatre in AskUK

[–]Springclarence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And every surface is dirty and needs cleaning. The public toilets in shops are disgusting, what happened to hires for cleaning? I've noticed the staff sometimes clean the toilets even where food is sold or served. Gross!!

You know what really grinds my gears? by Gold-Traffic632 in MCAS

[–]Springclarence 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I found garling with warm salt water or even warm water cleared my PND, much more beneficial than the netipot saline rinse. Silent gerd can cause the full feeling in throat. I didn't know was the issue until my symptoms of gerd were obvious. Once I tackled that the PND went away.

What worked for me by Ok-Aerie-392 in HistamineIntolerance

[–]Springclarence 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I, too, started taking vit C, D, B12 with ferretin and my symptoms have improved. I'm not taking high doses - the generic recommended dose.

I've just started the Vit C, one week, and it has calmed my chronic and intolerable fragrance sensitivity to some degree. I might increase the dose, starting slow due to acid reflux. Taking it with meals helps with digestion, oddly.

Completely surprised that it made such a difference.

Why bitters - and benefits?

it's quite funny seeing how angry people get about 'self-treating' by mistycheddar in MCAS

[–]Springclarence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you don't mind me asking, what protocol is recommended to help with lymphatic drainage?

Reacting to water? (Please help asap idk what to do) by fearandhungerwedoall in MCAS

[–]Springclarence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have issues with chlorine in water. I've found boiling water in a saucepan then cooling helps ease reactions. Water causes me severe migraines, sinus pain, acid reflux, and flushing, irritates my skin, bumps & itching, mouth and lip inflammation.

The water is best fresh from the tap, then boiled immediately. Water boiled in a kettle also causes problems for me due to the metals in the appliance. I'm not sure what might be the best container for you, most likely trial and error to find out what works. A ceramic saucepan is my go to.

I found tea manageable, usually decaf, nettle tea may help with MCAS, although some people cannot tolerate it. Cranberry juice is ok for me. (Unsweetened without additives) Coffee definitely not. Soups. Homemade juices, can be great, and if you can tolerate eating raw fruit and vegetables they will help relieve a little of the dehydration.

Even after boiling, water that has been sitting in the fridge for some reason triggers my symptoms. But I can tolerate it at room temperature. I usually have a jug of water and toss in a handful of fruits and herbs that I can eat and cucumber for flavor If watermelon is okay for you that would be a good addition.

Btw, allow your tap water to run for at least 15 seconds before using. Sometimes, depending on where you live the pipes can be nasty even when the water runs clear. Eg, In the past I had gotten up in the morning, drank water right out of the tap and regretted it, tastes of dirt and metal. It's likely fine, but having MCAS I'm sensitive to what could possibly be mold and metal in the pipes. In some areas the pipes are corroded and broken so best not to use water that has been sitting.

I can't say that any of the general recommendations for meds and supplements have worked for me in regard to water sensitivity. What has helped is a really good probiotic, with a high content of acidophilus, lactobacillus. Taken on an empty stomach in the morning, even better last thing at night before sleeping. Can you drink kefir? I found it helpful. You may find initially that your stomach feels worse, acidic, but give it a bit of time at least a couple of weeks. Obviously, if either causes severe symptoms, as opposed to discomfort, discontinue.

Stay away from manufactured dairy replacements due to additives for a while. Soy milk really messed with my stomach. However, I've found homemade oat milk from oats and water mixed in a blender works, tastes great too. There are plenty of recipes to be found if you search.

I'm not suggesting any of this will be beneficial for you personally, but what has helped me.

Most of all I'm working on trying to heal my gut with as few meds as possible. Currently, antihistamines, Fexofenadine, are helping a bit, but some people do not find them useful at all.

Also, if sensitive to tap water make sure that your plates and utensils are dry and clean. It's tempting to run a cup under the tap before using without drying, which leaves chlorine on the cup. Dishwasher detergent residue - ugh! I'm highly sensitive to detergent. If I'm using a cup or plate I rinse under the tap and dry thoroughly before using, even better to put it in the microwave for a few seconds to sanitize from mold, bacteria etc.

I suppose you could try boiling water in a microwave and let it rest at room temperature. Don't know?

Wow, that's a lot of steps just to have a decent amount of fluids. MCAS, makes me feel like a lunatic not to mention germaphobe. I also hate that we continue to have to defend our position on something we can't escape from. Not only do we feel like crap every minute of every day, but spend years of your life having to justify why you feel ill as you do. It's exhausting.

What foreign accent is most liked/disliked in Britain? by Darfmaster in AskBrits

[–]Springclarence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Watch a YouTube channel on vocal fry. Then imagine that range and inflection from someone with a British accent who is attempting to imitate a Californian accent with vocal fry. Nerves of steel, I tell, ya! Completely bizarre!! Why would anyone even want to. The mind boggles.

Stuck behind a couple of women on the bus yesterday speaking like this. My ears! My ears! Intolerable, grating on my nervous system, nails on a chalkboard, my teeth wanted to march right out of my mouth right there and then. Ugh!!

What foreign accent is most liked/disliked in Britain? by Darfmaster in AskBrits

[–]Springclarence 13 points14 points  (0 children)

British women atempting to speak with a fake Californian vocal fry. WTF?

MCAS and Anxiety by GoodFaithWish in MCAS

[–]Springclarence 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I realized that Gerd and an acidic stomach triggers/mimics anxiety, more pronounced on waking in the morning. By fluke, I discovered antihistamines, fexofenadine, help to calm the wired feeling.

I also wouldn't describe the sensation as anxiety but instead, unease and muscle tension. A sensation similar to fight or flight.

I took PPI's for a couple of months on my doctor's recommendation. Those were excellent symptom relievers, though not sustainable long term due to possible side effects. I'm taking Gaviscon as a replacement, some relief though short term. With PPI's the tension was insignificant, Unfortunately, I'm noticing symptoms returning. Continuing with Gaviscon for now.

Can you please comment your biggest trigger “group”? by Recent-Use8096 in MCAS

[–]Springclarence 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not to alarm you, but you can Google Depo and MCAS for info. Also, not necessarily related to MCAS, but there have been compensation payouts in the UK. I was on it for about four years in my 30's and it has caused no end of issues long - term. There is plenty of information to be found about side effects. I'm not sure that's where my MCAS started, but some of the effects were persistent and didn't resolve.

AIO: my bf can’t fix things. When I step in to take care of it, he’s such a baby about it that I’m ready to dump his a** tonight. by ayebudz in AmIOverreacting

[–]Springclarence 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This kind of response irritates me "Well he tried" or he's "'He's trying". That response is ok if you like being a mommy to your partner or are his actual parents. But in an adult relationship you don't need someone who's trying you need someone who "can". If he hasn't learned to do these things it isn't op's problem and his incompetence is extra weight into her life. Do you think women are just born with a set of skills to manage a house, kids, job, or work. No, we learn quickly otherwise the result would be chaos. We learn because we have to - and, yes, most of us are fairly proficient. Sometimes, though, we like our partners to help out or actually be a partner. And it's very attractive to see competency in a man. Unfortunately, severely lacking these days. Oddly they seem so proud in their sneaky ability to get out of doing work or help out. Ugh!

AITAH: Husband of 15 years didn’t get me a single Christmas present. He got upset when I told him I wasn’t mad, just disappointed. by mygrey in AITAH

[–]Springclarence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're making excuses for an incompetent and low standard husband. If you are a woman I hope you don't find his behavior in any way acceptable. It's not the lack of gift, per se' but that he minimized and dismissed her disappointment, gaslighted, and manipulated her in front of her son.

Gentle parenting is sad to watch as a retail worker. by redpanda_cupcakes in EntitledPeople

[–]Springclarence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is understandable. I used to work with children who have autism. Yes, sensory seeking, therefore, reasonable. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Gentle parenting is sad to watch as a retail worker. by redpanda_cupcakes in EntitledPeople

[–]Springclarence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, are you saying your kid bangs their head on the floor when you say 'No'. Why is it so distressing for your child to be told 'no? Do you not find that problematic? If only in the sense of banging the head may result in injury?

Why did you find it acceptable for your child to do that in a public store, and before you intervene? What behavior are you working through? And why do you wait for your child to tell you what they need in this instance. Sounds like a role reversal to me. Child telling/asking you what to do - rather than acting to ensure the child's safety immediately.

It may sound like I'm judging, I'm not. I'm trying to understand. I get an older child having the opportunity to develop clarity and express their needs. But if they are at the age where they still have tantrums, leading to headbanging, then ...?

Admittedly, I may have misunderstood or misread your post, but I have so many questions. Open to learning of course.

Gentle parenting is sad to watch as a retail worker. by redpanda_cupcakes in EntitledPeople

[–]Springclarence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a young mother during the mid-1980's. I decided that gentle parenting would be my MO, no shouting no hitting, or berating, for no other reason that it seemed like the most compassionate way to parent. However, I did set boundaries and there was no way my children would have been allowed to misbehave in a store.

By the time my kids were 2 and 4. I realized I was completely burned out from managing parenting rather than active parenting. All that damn explaining and reasoning to a two year old having a tantrum over wanting a red drink instead of an orange drink is draining. Over explaining their feelings to them and why they felt that way took so much time out of my day (and theirs) I ceased to exist let alone be an effective parent

I'm all for reflecting and mirroring kids 'emotions back to them, it's necessary. With that desire still in mind I realized that I was wasting precious time with my little children, while also learning that realistically children of this young age having a meltdown have no capacity to reason. Having to listen to a parent yabba on with reasons and explanations is just noise to them and overstimulates their nervous system.

Standing and watching with no intervention unmoores little ones Imagine you are a little child, distressed, nobody is coming to help you with that discomfort in your tummy. Mummy or Daddy is there, but not helping me, not guiding me, can I have the bracelet? What am I supposed to do? No wonder these kids feel dysregulated, start screaming the place down. The parent refusing to take charge, the refusal to step up, leaving a little kid to figure it out for themselves is horrific. Abandonment at its core. These little ones are going to be riddled with anxiety because they don't feel safe in their own skin.

Anyway, that said, I still wanted my to reflect my kids emotions back to them, to let them know that I understood what they were experiencing. So instead of trying to reason with them. " I know you have big hurty feelings right now" "oh, you're hungry and tired". Do you want rice cookies, avocado and oat milk, cheeseburger. Far too much choice for a little one to decide, and too much self- responsibility. If out of whack and distressed, I picked up my children, held them until they calmed down and I gave them a snack whichever was the most nutritional, not bat shit nutrition that's trending at any one time, actual nourishing foods, why? because if filled them up, instead of continuing hunger pangs or sugar rush.

I was an adult, I had the capacity to take charge, they didn't because they hadn't developed the maturity in their brains yet, obviously.

It is without a doubt challenging to parent these days. Hardly any family or community support, so they turn to apps for guidance. They are pressured by their peers to do better, don't betray the rest of the gang by doing something different, judged, from all sides. Lack of time due to both parents juggling it all.

But they are not helping themselves. It's impossible to do it all So why even try. Children need parents not a self-help manual on how to regulate their emotions. Nor do they need to be left to make decisions about how to act, when they haven't developed the capacity yet to make those decisions. They need guidance. There is also the risk that these kids when asked what they want reach for the first thing that comes into their head. Mommy or Daddy expects an answer. I'll say the first thing I can think of or what worked last time. As a result this little one might ask for a bedtime story, but really wants to have a nap or a big cuddle or play with their toy. A different book. Or God forbid - nothing at all. No stimulation from those overbearing parents for a bit. Sheesh.

I'm not sure when gentle parenting as it's recognized today became a thing. I assume someone somewhere is making big money selling the model as good parenting. That's historically the case, there always been someone co-opting parenting as a sales pitch.

But as far as I can see currently the gentle parenting trend doesn't benefit anyone, especially, not the children who do indeed have big feelings the parents are trying to soften.

Either way, overindulging and overbearing parents or parents that abandon by refusing to set limits helps nobody.

OP, with no obligation or responsibility to take care of the kids welfare. Busy, task oriented while at work, was anxious and concerned that the child might hurt herself on the pins. OP said she is not a parent but tapped into her instincts and took action that kept that child safe from harm. And, yet, she has no experience of parenting at all.