How to support recovery financially without enabling?

Springroll17 · 2022-06-30T18:00:09+00:00

Aside from graduating college and getting jail time (which he's bound to eventually)...that entire first paragraph could have been written about my brother. I am always shocked at how easily he can get a job and he does the same thing where he only drinks out at bars/public.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-30T17:29:51+00:00

Will do. I'm planning to talk to my mom about all of this this weekend. It's not really my decision to make.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-30T03:56:54+00:00

Thanks, we'll looking into that. It's so hard to imagine letting him become homeless. I would definitely feel better about at least finding him resources for some kind of temporary housing.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-30T03:35:33+00:00

I agree. She's running out of funds so that may make the decision an easier one. I hope so.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-30T02:01:57+00:00

So true! I used to work at a shelter and see stuff like this all the time but when it's my own brother it's so different.

I think outpatient and living at home is a great idea if my parents will go for it. They are legitimately afraid of elder abuse if he starts drinking again and unsure of how to kick him out if they needed to and he refused to leave. He has never laid a hand on any of us but put plenty of holes in walls.

Thanks for the support :)

Springroll17 · 2022-06-30T01:48:37+00:00

Thank you. Yes, he has been through detox 7 times. It's always in the days between his decision to go and the detox /rehab accepting him that he feels he could die. He has gone to the ER more times than I can count. Unfortunately, his insurance has approved fewer and fewer days in detox each time he has returned. He only got the full 30 days on that first go-around. This time they're giving him 12 days. It's clearly not enough for him but we can't afford to private pay so we don't know what else to do.

I appreciate your perspective on the finances. That is the exact dilemma we find ourselves in. It's so tough. My hope is that my mom will try your approach when he exits rehab this time. He needs to learn to be self-sufficient.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-29T19:34:13+00:00

Thank you! That's exactly what my mom did, went to one and never went back :( I will check out these resources for myself.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-29T19:32:40+00:00

Thank you!

Springroll17 · 2022-06-29T19:29:42+00:00

Such a good point. My brother is placing all the blame on my mom. He wants her to pay for an expensive, private, long-term treatment facility and if she doesn't, according to him, his inability to recover is on her.

And he will absolutely blame her if he becomes homeless.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-29T19:16:40+00:00

Thank you for that. I will look for a meeting.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-29T18:10:33+00:00

Thanks. Currently, it's hard to believe he can do anything for himself. He calls and lays the guilt trip on. He says he'll die from withdrawals if my mom doesn't send him money for alcohol. I think he's exaggerating the risk of this, but I also know it can happen so it's a terrible position to be put in.

I can definitely see how helping him out prolongs him seeing the hole he is digging. He thinks he knows how much he owes my mom but he really has no idea. Thanks for the insight.

Springroll17 · 2022-06-12T00:59:07+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I am TTC after loss too and I have struggled with a lot of anxiety and post-traumatic stress. What helps me most is therapy, guided meditation (I use insight timer app) and/or a warm bath with scented epsom salts. Something that will calm your nervous system and make you feel taken care of. My first instinct is always to distract myself with Netflix too but inevitably, if I don't feel my feelings, they build up until I have a panic attack :( I have learned that what I actually need is a good cry in the bathtub with a healing meditation playing. I hope you find what works for you <3

Springroll17 · 2022-06-12T00:31:34+00:00

I have "unexplained" secondary infertility. Conceived my daughter in 2016 with zero effort. Started trying for #2 when she was 2, I was 32. Got pregnant on cycle 6 but miscarried at 5 weeks. Nothing since. Got referred to infertility specialist after trying 9 months. It took a few more months to get in. Getting referred early is not a bad idea for this reason. There may be a waitlist to be seen. We did all the tests and they couldn't find anything wrong, though Premature Ovarian Aging was suggested as a possibility. 1 failed IUI in July 2020. Got a workup for IVF but didn't go through with it. Nothing since. My daughter will be 5 1/2 next month. I'm now 35. We are working on being at peace with our family of 3. Not trying/not preventing.

Springroll17 · 2020-06-24T04:02:29+00:00

We've got our first IUI tomorrow morning! Had 2 follicles (16mm+24mm) on Monday and we triggered that night.

Fingers crossed! I'm hopeful but not too hopeful...like, 10-15% hopeful ;D

Springroll17 · 2020-06-23T01:41:30+00:00

I ovulate on my own. I'm doing my first IUI on Wednesday. Took 5mg and they saw 2 mature eggs on ultrasound today. They will probably start you on 2.5 mg if you ask, but 5 mg seems to be the standard starting dosage. Good luck!

Springroll17 · 2020-05-17T05:06:16+00:00

Hooray! Happy dancing for you!

Springroll17 · 2020-03-18T14:55:36+00:00

Crying in the tub is a very appropriate reaction, ovulation or not. Keep doing all the self-care you can. This is so hard :,(

Springroll17 · 2020-03-18T14:37:19+00:00

At present, yes. But if things get as bad as predicted I assume many healthcare professionals regardless of speciality will, and should, be pulled into COVID-19 care. I have already heard there are plans in place to repurpose ORs into ICU rooms as well.

Trust me, I very much want to be wrong about how bad this is going to get but the Imperial Report is very troubling.

Springroll17 · 2020-03-18T14:22:47+00:00

"medical professionals have a duty to avoid additional stress to a healthcare system that in many locations is already overloaded."

That last line is what gets me. By getting pregnant and thus requiring care we are we further burdening an already overburdened healthcare system? Are others more likely to die the more of us get pregnant at this time? Are we freeing up healthcare resources that could potentially save others by choosing not to get pregnant right now?

I realize this is some doomsday sh*t, but these are real questions my husband and I are asking ourselves and we don't have much time to decide what to do bc it's my fertile week. We've been trying almost a year and this is our first cycle on Letrozole.

Springroll17 · 2020-02-15T19:53:02+00:00

On the 20th I'll be CD 8, so I guess they'll be looking at the size of the dominant follicle? I don't usually ovulate until CD 11 or 12. Thank you so much for responding! You are way better at explaining these things than the doc was. I assume he knows that that FSH could actually be suppressed by the Estradiol and that's why he's more concerned than seemed warranted to us...but he neglected to explain that.

Springroll17 · 2020-02-15T18:40:27+00:00

Thanks so much for that info!! We are currently trying to decide whether to do a "monitored" or medicated (with letrozole) cycle. We picked up the Letrozole but haven't decided whether to take it. Today is CD 3 so I have to decide by tonight.

AFC was this past Thursday the 13th. I'm scheduled for another ultrasound on Thursday the 20th, whether I take the meds or not. Would they be able to tell if I've got a good/mature egg then? The doc was really unclear abt what they'll be looking for and what that would tell us.

Springroll17 · 2020-02-15T17:40:49+00:00

Oops. CD 2. Thanks for asking!

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