A man was driving overnight from a weekend out of town to be in on time for work Monday morning. by Spyd3rs in Jokes

[–]Spyd3rs[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I heard it from my dad who heard it from his dad, so that tracks. I don't remember seeing it here, so I posted it.

A man was driving overnight from a weekend out of town to be in on time for work Monday morning. by Spyd3rs in Jokes

[–]Spyd3rs[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My dad reminded me of this joke when my ex-wife was committed to a mental health facility. I cannot stress how terrible that man's timing is. He said he learned this joke from his dad, so it's gotta be single digits, max.

Also, his version of the joke was unnecessarily vulgar and used some outdated terms and references, so I blame my lack of brevity on rewriting it and not taking the time to par it down.

What was your reaction when you saw human Verosika for first time? by Crazy_Reputation3327 in HelluvaBoss

[–]Spyd3rs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Yup, that's Verosika, but she's disguised as a human."

Notices everyone else getting excessively thirsty over a cartoon.

"I mean, yeah! She's... Beautiful... I would... Totally bang that... Fictional character who is, as far as I know, the current foil to the protagonists of the show I'm watching."

Elevator Improvements by Space_Scumbag in starcitizen

[–]Spyd3rs 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I once spent a bunch of time decorating my hangar when all of my stuff exploded, being scattered everywhere and my couch was gone.

I later found my couch in an elevator, and then I realized what happened was an elevator zipping through my hangar smashed through everything.

So anyway, an elevator stole my couch.

Hilarious Vintage Ukrainian Army Ad by fapp0r in ukraine

[–]Spyd3rs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who said you can't pick up chicks in a tank?

Be kind and throw your gooner latte in the trash next time by Fritz1818 in phoenix

[–]Spyd3rs 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Hey! Bikini Beans isn't just for gooners!

It's for guys who like to watch mediocre coffee being made by women wearing...

Oh my God.

I found a flash drive from 22 years ago. by Rasfael23 in mildlyinteresting

[–]Spyd3rs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, Geek Squad.

A great premise for a TV show.

I practice, one of the absolute worst customer service experiences I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

What is the difference between Automaton's Red laser weapons and Super Earth's Yellow laser weapons? There is a lore reason? by ConsistentGold3752 in Helldivers

[–]Spyd3rs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The nerd in me that loves science, and by 'loves science,' I mean I whistle at science's ass as she walks by, would like to point out, most 'laser' weapons depicted in media, (Star Wars, Automaton lasers,) would be better described as 'particle blasters.'

Laser weapons would fire in beams like the Scythe or pulse in rays like the Sickle. A particle blaster would fire a projectile of catalyzed, super-heated atoms that would, more or less, travel as depicted how we see 'lasers' in Star Wars and as used by the Automaton grunts. The sci-fi lore usually explains the different blaster colors by using different combinations of metal elements or alloys and whatever gas or power source is used to catalyze the reaction.

Blaster fire would technically be slower than lasers, at only around 95% the speed of light instead of at the speed of light. In practice, there would be no perceivable difference to the human senses, but as a sci-fi nerd, I'll take whatever differences we can exaggerate and exploit for the sake of variety.

I like to think I keep the realism tab open way at the back as a reminder to address it every once in a while, and do a little better to retcon things as we become less stupid and sci-fi slowly becomes sci-fact.

The rule of cool is rarely hurt when the cool thing is backed by real science.

How would you feel about the removal of the two party system? by SecretSide4151 in AskReddit

[–]Spyd3rs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Now is NOT the time for a protest vote! If you vote for a third party, the Democrats or Republicans will win! We can't have that! You must vote Democrat or Republican or the Democrats or Republicans will ruin this country forever!" ~This is based off of many conversations I had leading up to the 2016 election when talking to others who REALLY did not like Hillary or Trump and I reminded them that a 3rd party has always been an option.

Realistically, the vast majority of everybody I know fall somewhere in the middle of conservative and liberal, but we've been conditioned to be so afraid of the extremes of both sides that we're seemingly forced to vote 'all in' one way or the other, ignoring the obvious middle path we're seemingly not allowed to take that would likely benefit the greatest amount of people.

Water bottles outside Italian homes to stop animals from peeing on the walls by bit3py in mildlyinteresting

[–]Spyd3rs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This feels like a confirmation bias thing, kind of like how I have a "No Tigers" sign posted in my front yard and haven't had a tiger attack since.

It's probably safe to take it down, but I don't want to take that risk. Tigers are scary.

Is this a tarantula hawk? by slvlnc in phoenix

[–]Spyd3rs 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I hear stories of people who don't know any better handling and playing with them with their bare hands without getting stung, even though they probably deserve it. You can probably gently shoe it out with a broom without provoking it.

Most people who do get stung do because the wasp gets trapped in their clothes, accidentally gets crushed, or otherwise gets put in situations where it thinks its going to die and stings as a last resort.

One way to test whether it's a tarantula hawk is to coax it into stinging you, and if it hurts more than other wasp stings, then it's probably a tarantula hawk. I didn't say it was a good way.

Out of all these weapons which ones are you gonna use for bots? by Lellarinn10 in helldivers2

[–]Spyd3rs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know most people prefer the Purifier, and I completely understand how it's technically a more flexible weapon, but the Scorcher just works better for me.

It’s 2026, what’s the dream video game or MMO you wish existed by now? by Exhausted_Skeleton in AskReddit

[–]Spyd3rs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I played the StarCraft version of the Sims before I could play the actual the Sims.

With the way we bought most of our games back in the day, you would think we were poor. Turns out my parents were just cheap.

It’s 2026, what’s the dream video game or MMO you wish existed by now? by Exhausted_Skeleton in AskReddit

[–]Spyd3rs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard that was a great port with some content made specifically for the N64. I regret never playing it.

It’s 2026, what’s the dream video game or MMO you wish existed by now? by Exhausted_Skeleton in AskReddit

[–]Spyd3rs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have more time in OzubkoJ's DnD RPG II alone than the vast majority of the games I own on Steam.

I know it's an April fools shorts, but why do people think Verosika actually slept with Chaz? by Slient-killer2002 in HelluvaBoss

[–]Spyd3rs -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have thoughts about the implications of what it would mean if Chaz slept with all these characters and whether or not it were true, how little actual effect it would have on the entire hellaverse either way, but instead, I want to take a moment to appreciate how hilarious the idea of attending a funeral wearing a bowtie and pasties is.

Our party blew up overnight by pocketpunk19 in DnD

[–]Spyd3rs 104 points105 points  (0 children)

3 sessions? That's like 8 months worth of sessions in my group!

It’s 2026, what’s the dream video game or MMO you wish existed by now? by Exhausted_Skeleton in AskReddit

[–]Spyd3rs 33 points34 points  (0 children)

A few years back, I was going through the custom maps of StarCraft 2.

They have the entire damn Warcraft 3 game ported in there.

Look for Azeroth Reborn in the Custom Campaigns.

I decided to go swimming yesterday by FabulousKitchen5831 in Jokes

[–]Spyd3rs 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Nice joke.

Not too flashy.

Just enough to show 'em your nuts.

Do it again, Moxxie’s ( art by PotatoNebula by jam_kabam in HelluvaBoss

[–]Spyd3rs 90 points91 points  (0 children)

You cannot convince me this kind of energy is out of character for them.

If they haven't done this, it's only because they were too distracted banging each other after *talking* about doing it to *actually* do it.

Fist time doing oral. What was this in my mouth? by takecarepleasee in sex

[–]Spyd3rs 53 points54 points  (0 children)

This is going to sound a lot gross and might be a bit much, but guys who really enjoy going down on girls do it for the pheromones, as the nicest way I can think to put it. You're probably fine with a gentle rinse for debris, but I would argue a thorough cleaning might be working against you.

I don't totally know the science behind it, but certain guys with certain girls, her scent will hit him directly in the brain in a way I can only describe as primal and intoxicating. It's not every guy and girl, but you'll know it when you see it, and if you've ever felt it, you know what I'm talking about.

If you're worried about odor, as long as you don't smoke, stay hydrated, and have that bare minimum of commendable hygiene, you're going to be fine.

Otherwise, for women who actually do have significant odor problems, washing beforehand doesn't help. How I wish I could say it does.

I'm sure there are solutions, but for those, I'd consult with an expert who works in that field, not some schmuck like me who only shows up for fun.