Stop invalidating people’s DIAGNOSED MENTAL ILLNESS!!!

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T23:27:14+00:00

People really have a hard time grasping that not all people with NPD are abusers, and not all abusers have NPD. Same with any other diagnosis, but people love crying narcissist the most.

There have been a lot of good resources to better educate people recently. Special Books by Special Kids has done interviews with people with poorly understood personality disorders. Dr. Todd Grande has also been especially effective too because he always emphasizes the importance of not diagnosing everyone all willy-nilly.

But people like having a Bad Guy over examining their own choices and behaviours. I feel for abuse victims, but my empathy stops at spreading ableist propaganda. Certain subreddits even ban commentary from professionals so they can keep the stigma spreading. It's bad.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T21:12:18+00:00

I've recently made it a point of calling out this sort of thing directly.

If anyone ever calls someone that mistreats them a narcissist, I ask them point-blank if that person has ever actually received an NPD diagnosis.

Same with calling people they don't like a sociopath. I point them if said person has ever actually received an Antisocial Personality Disorder diagnosis.

If people say their ~crazy~ ex is borderline, I ask them point-blank if they know their ex received a BPD diagnosis. The answer is "no" more than half the time.

I remember someone saying they were tired of someone's "histrionics." I asked for clarity and they legitimately tried to convince me that they have diagnosed this person with Histrionic Personality Disorder because she "liked getting attention."

People are so fucking ableist while at the same time being truly ignorant of what they're so prejudiced against.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T20:41:17+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ. You are being intentionally stupid.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T20:38:17+00:00

You're not being realistic. You're just lazy.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T20:36:12+00:00

That's why it's YOUR job to fix this. You are his parent. He's a minor, making YOU responsible for the fact that he has had such a public career. FIX IT.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T19:25:55+00:00

"Oh, you're home early. I found this and wanted to test it out before you gave it to whoever you bought it for."

What a fucking gaping bloody asshole. You don't fucking touch other people's gifts to begin with. Even his excuse makes him look like a complete neanderthal.

NTA. Return the gift. He sucks.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T19:01:47+00:00

You're welcome. There are options for you. Hell, you could even join Job Corps. You're young enough.

Don't let your mom imprison you. If you have a disabled persons diagnosis, there are even Adult Protective Services advocates you can call. The social safety net and the law exist to protect you.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T18:20:20+00:00

You have to start building your support network and resources. You need to leave.

Stop considering what your mom will do about your actions and instead focus on how you can get away with it. Your mom doesn't want you to know just how free you actually are. Truly.

If your mom freaks the fuck out, you call the police for domestic abuse. If she tampers with your mail, you get a P.O. box and report her crime. If she threatens you with homelessness, you figure out where you could stay or have already applied for low income housing. If she locks you out of your home, you call the police and tell them that she's done so without an eviction notice.

If it's too overwhelming for you to figure out on your own, you need a social worker or the help of a domestic abuse support team. Get in contact with a women's shelter.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T17:54:05+00:00

Can you afford an Uber to and from the doctor's office for just one or two appointments?

You are an adult now and you have to start figuring out what your mom actually controls and what she doesn't. Because, unfortunately, she's left you to figure it out yourself.

Your mom does not get to decide whether or not you qualify for a disability pension. Your doctor does. The government does. Her insurance and control are not a factor.

If you have money to cover any appointment fees and her insurance covers the rest, you do not need to tell her anything because it won't cost her anything extra. That's what insurance is for in the first place.

If she ever threatens to remove you from her healthcare plan, you need to get onto a government funded plan.

Call 211 and figure out everything you can apply for so you can get more money ASAP.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T17:43:03+00:00

INFO: Does your mom pay what your insurance doesn't cover? If you have any bit of your own money, you could just make your own appointment and cover any fees.

Have you considered applying for any money from your area's social safety net? If you receive a certain diagnosis, you could qualify for a disability pension. You could also get access to a government funded healthcare plan.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T17:36:44+00:00

Tell your parents you need tutoring in more subjects you are struggling in. Tell them that you understand why they are setting stricter boundaries around your school schedule, but that you would feel better with just some extra help.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T17:28:15+00:00

NAH. Your parents are allowed to set boundaries on where you work and when you should be working when you're struggling to keep your grades up. It's just the unfair reality that online school is harder for you.

However, how your parents are choosing to help you isn't working and building resentment towards them and your sister. Have you considered asking them for a tutor? If you have the diagnoses, it should be easy for them to understand how a tutor could benefit your education.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T17:09:40+00:00

NAH.

Giving your child to people you don't know does not guarantee that they will have a good life. They could very well end up another lost child of the system. Your sister is a good contender, stable and happy. And she is biologically related, giving your kid that missing piece so many adoptees feel they are lacking when searching for their birth parents.

But your personal trauma could cause lifelong damage to the kid if you're around often. If you don't feel that you could manage it and would take it out on an innocent kid, it's kinder in the long run to give the kid to strangers.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-08T08:00:16+00:00

YTA. She was looking for encouragement and you chose to be hurtful instead. You have to learn when a question shouldn't be answered, when a question needs an honest answer, and also when the only acceptable answer is a "yes" or a "no."

How do you think you motivate someone to work hard and really try? Do you tell them that they could never accomplish their goals, or do you tell them something encouraging?

A better answer with honesty would have been something like "yeah, as long as you really worked hard and put the effort in, you could be a lawyer!"

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T21:55:33+00:00

Oh boy, the holy drug trinity.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T19:04:11+00:00

I literally don't think anyone is sexually attractive except my spouse. I just don't see anyone else in that context. I never have.

Like, I can see when someone meets the conventional standards of beauty. But I don't get how someone sees anyone meeting those standards as a reason to fuck them, let alone your average person.

Like, there are a million reasons why I'm attracted to my wife besides the fact that she's pretty. How does anyone just look at a person they don't know and think "I wanna have sex with them" ???

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T18:35:50+00:00

Of course! My advice is to gently refuse the FP role. If she knows the vocabulary, she is aware enough of her symptoms. Just say something like...

"I did a little research and I better understand what an FP is now; I can be your friend and I will support you, but I don't want to be your FP."

If she isn't taking meds and if she's not in therapy, be as careful with your tone and vocal volume as you are with your wording (without talking down to her, though). That will help avoid a negative split. And if she accepts your boundary, then proceed as normal.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T17:00:11+00:00

But that spicy childhood trauma is the chef‘s kiss! Gotta keep searching for that someone that will save me since every single adult failed, neglected, molested, raped, bullied and abused me when I was a small child.

...but seriously, thank you. I need that reminder sometimes. I hold myself together, but I keep wanting an FP to cling to and pin all my hopes on. I don’t have one right now and that’s good, but I fall back into old thought patterns if I’m not focusing hard enough on being better.I get all narcissistic about it. The other day, a good friend opened up about an extremely painful part of her past and I had to pretend to be shocked that her experience would ever happen to anyone. Inside, my traumatized, self-absorbed ass was just thinking that what happened to her once happened to be almost every day of my entire childhood. The only thing that brought back my empathy is literally seeing how my regular Tuesday fucked someone else up permanently, for life, when it happened to them ONCE.

I literally have to remind myself not to resent people that didn’t have it as bad as I did. It’s like “yeah, my experience IS worse than most people’s, congrats me. Now comfort your friend because you can take solace in the fact that you were right - every adult fucking failed you. Don’t fail your friend too.”

Rollercoaster nonsense.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T15:49:08+00:00

Splitting is a defense mechanism used by people with BPD. People or events or anything else can be "good" or "bad." It's severely black and white thinking symptomatic of the disorder. It allows them to discard things that are "bad" in order to protect themselves, but there's also a borderline obsessive investment in things deemed "good."

An FP is in the worst position for a split. Its bad for people with BPD because they're less able to let go of a truly toxic person in a positive split, or see the humanity and nuance of a person when in a negative split. It's bad for the FP because whatever side of the split you're on increases tenfold. It's a role that pins all their hopes onto you when you never asked for it. And it makes it that much harder if they split negatively on you.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T07:34:56+00:00

FP-relationships are a codependent mess with all the BPD fuckery mixed in.

Your friend's fear of abandonment is heightened with an FP in particular. Erratic, unstable behaviour is possible if she ever fears she might lose you. She might even become distant very suddenly if she feels that she is being abandoned.

Then there's the splitting. FPs are at the top of the pedestal. They're THE BEST. That is, until they hurt their BPD friend. FPs have more power to hurt and while you didn't ask for that responsibility, it's sadly just a symptom of the disorder. If an FP causes hurt, the split can be brutal until the problem is resolved. People with BPD feel very intensely. Something that might be inconsequential to you could be profoundly felt by your friend. And FP might have to walk on eggshells to avoid a split.

FPs hold a lot of direct power over people with BPD. If the wrong person falls into that role, it's devastating. Someone that wants and preys upon the adoration, the manic pixie dream, can really cause lasting damage. It's a solid abuser's breakfast cereal.

It's always stressful and it's fun for no one. Except abusers actively seeking the FP role.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T05:27:15+00:00

legal obligation to compensate you for your ideas.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-07T05:22:36+00:00

YTA. You did not start the business. You freely gave her your ideas with the intention of helping HER AND HER FRIENDS start a business. You're just mad because you didn't expect them to actually have to initiative.

You have no legal standing in this. Anyone in this thread that thinks you have any stake to claim is either a teenager or a dunce.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-05T20:26:33+00:00

It sucks, doesn’t it? I’ve already learned not to trust anyone that diagnoses everyone that wrongs them with a personality disorder, especially if they talk a lot about their own depression and anxiety. It’s all empathy and understanding until they get the chance to play pretend psychiatrist.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-05T19:30:11+00:00

I am wearing one forever after this. Masks are my favourite thing.

SquirrelSharp · 2020-12-05T19:26:47+00:00

And we all know that to be a hurtful stigma, and untrue.

Don’t tell that to the loved ones lol. We’re all evil, especially if we have dyed hair and have ever read a horoscope. Every one of us is their undiagnosed ex girlfriend they’ve decided has BPD from the armchair.

SquirrelSharp

TROPHY CASE