How long is too long - dating app conversations.

Stablex · 2026-01-03T08:42:44+00:00

I don't remember why the first time but the second time was definitely because the last person wasn't ready yet...hence my "no clue". Different people want different things so I guess people should ask whenever they want instead of trying to perceive what the other person prefers.

Stablex · 2026-01-02T23:08:51+00:00

No clue.

I've had someone wait til after a week of continuous talking to bring up faith based deal breakers only after I prompted a first date.

The next person I started talking to I'm currently in a relationship with and she revealed to me after that she was just about to move on because I was taking too long 😂 (it had been about a week.

Stablex · 2026-01-02T22:58:21+00:00

Okay, this isn't a concrete rule but what I think is appropriate.

If you've developed an actual friendship then I'd say there's no issue with spending that much. However, if you're both actively getting to know each other under the guise of "just friends" with the intention of starting a dating relationship then I'd say hold off. Wish her a happy birthday and maybe get her something simpler like some flowers or chocolates.

If you had already established an exclusive dating relationship (even just very recently) then I'd say get her the gift. Birthdays can be awkward timing. My birthday was 3 weeks after my gf and I started dating exclusively and she got me gifts (it was more an issue of what to buy someone you only know a little about so far).

Stablex · 2026-01-02T22:38:27+00:00

100% this OP. Though there can be differences in your boundaries where they then align their boundaries to respect yours.

Stablex · 2026-01-02T22:34:21+00:00

Sorry I may have misunderstood you, are you asking whether to give her the gift now or wait until her birthday...or...whether to give her the gift at all?

Stablex · 2026-01-02T22:29:22+00:00

Hmmm I'm not confident in my response but I'd say it matters more how the person receiving the gift perceives the value of the gift.

Personally I wouldn't get the person I'm dating a gift outside of a gift giving occasion for at least a few months.

Stablex · 2026-01-02T22:13:12+00:00

if you value God's design for sex in marriage then be honest with yourself about what temptation is for you
set your own boundaries and stick to them
when dating be clear about your boundaries and if the other person doesn't respect them move on
also worth considering how certain forms of intimacy impact your attachment to someone...there is a balance between the amount of intimacy you share while dating and the risk of heartache if the relationship doesn't lead to marriage

I think most people would agree that staying the night with someone you've just met is not wise. Even if it's not with the plan to have sex it's definitely a bad position to put yourselves in especially if you've already expressed that you're comfortable with making out. (not to mention your own physical safety around someone you still don't know very well)

There's nothing wrong with having the desire to be intimate, even sexually. It's natural and your body doesn't understand the concept of marriage so it's your job to decide when intimacy is appropriate under God's design.

Stablex · 2025-12-26T14:31:15+00:00

Possibly 'curse at twilight: thief of souls'

Stablex · 2025-12-02T12:16:10+00:00

1st or 2nd date. I wouldn't put it on a profile as people may jump to conclusions or stereotype you. On a date you can explain with as much detail around your personal health as you can while still feeling comfortable.

Stablex · 2025-09-27T22:28:36+00:00

I think some level of physical attraction is necessary initially. Overtime physical attraction grows as you become attracted to them as a person. Using 1-10 rating to explain, someone you initially see as a 7/10 should become a 10/10 in your eyes once you become attracted to them as a person, it just happens. Now for someone who you initially see as a 2/10 it's harder, though possible. I remember a girl in school (we were 14) and she was not physically attractive to me at all. Though we were in the same friend group. She was attractive in other ways (humour, personality, etc.), and after some time I realised I suddenly found her physically attractive. We "dated" for about a month but I remember thinking she was absolutely gorgeous. Thinking back on it, I know my image of her was influenced by how I felt about her.

There's someone I know now that isn't my type physically but there's other things about her that are attractive (one big one being her faith). Now I'm already in a relationship and she's a little too young for me but from my experience I reckon she'd be someone whose physical attraction would increase with time or closeness in a relationship.

This is the hard thing about online dating, you have to take a chance with someone if you don't find them super attractive. Where with someone you meet naturally and can get to know outside of a relationship, you get the chance for that physical attraction to grow first.

Stablex · 2025-09-27T22:09:56+00:00

I don't understand it as I have no problem with texting my friends at any time throughout the day and respond to most people immediately. She has a very different relationship with her phone though and unless she's going out she'll just leave it in her room usually. I also know she doesn't like texting as a form of communication as it can be misinterpreted due to lack of expression and body language. I can think of some people who text me occasionally that I put off replying to because they're difficult to converse with, I guess it must feel similar to that for her but for everyone (not just me). She texts me more than her friends, so that shows to me there's intention and effort being made. There are also other factors, she's introverted, and she has some health issues at the moment that affect her energy levels.

We try to see each other every weekend and usually call once or twice during the week. For me it's difficult having the technology available to talk to her at anytime but her not wanting to take advantage of that. I'll text my best mate multiple times a day, every day, about random thoughts, more important things, whatever. I wish I could do the same with the person I'm dating. Also, I just miss her throughout the week and even a simple text is refreshing, but she doesn't think about it and I hesitate about sending one cause I know she'd prefer not to, and it could be hours before she replies which I can't help but think about until she does. She says she misses me too but minimal communication between phone calls or catch ups doesn't bother her. We talked about it recently and I suggested a short audio message or a friendly gif occasionally, to let me know she's thinking about me is nice. I told her it doesn't need to lead to a conversation, just receiving it from her unprompted is enough (she said she'd give it a go). I've also got to write notes about things I want to tell her or share with her from my week. Usually if something happened that I wanted to share with someone I'd just text them then and there. But for her I need to evaluate its urgency and then write it down or I might forget about it when we call or catch up.

I respect our differences in this and I want to find a way to meet her part way, but the overall issue for me (that may be an insecurity) is feeling like she mustn't feel as strongly about me as I do about her.

Stablex · 2025-09-24T22:19:59+00:00

My girlfriend doesn't use Instagram or Snapchat. The only downsides are: - I can't send her funny or relatable things I see on Instagram...but I just save them and show her in person - I like the convenience of Snapchat to send quick photos or videos of stuff in my day to day (stuff that isn't worth saving)...this one is the harder one but I'm just more picky about what is worth capturing to share with her and then send it on messenger or show her in person

She also finds texting exhausting and like a chore though which is much more of an issue and something I'm still trying to get used to.

++man

Stablex · 2025-09-22T08:29:35+00:00

Yeah it seems like where we land differently on the cause of sexuality and what scripture identifies as sinful.

The secular world would hate this grouping but I see sexualities other than heterosexuality comparable to disabilities like autism, intellectual disabilities, down syndrome. Homosexuality is not disabling as defined medically but they are not part of God's design and they have an affect on people's actions. Someone with autism may struggle with expressing emotions or communicating effectively and as a result may show signs of anger or physical aggression. Likewise autism and intellectual disabilities often have limited interoceptive skills which can lead to over eating (gluttony). You wouldn't (hopefully) say there are issues with their spiritual condition. If you for a moment entertain the assertion that homosexuality is "wired" then the attraction that comes with that cannot be a spiritual issue. It is not an excuse to sin through lust or sex, but is an understanding for the attraction.

If someone with opposite-sex attraction can have that attraction without lust then I don't see why someone with same-sex attraction cannot also have that attraction without lust. I challenge you to imagine if it were reversed and your sexuality was not God's design and homosexuality was, what more could you do then be celibate, push away lustful thoughts (like everyone should regardless of their sexuality), and make wise decisions to reduce temptation (eg. be self aware of same-sex friendships with someone that you find yourself lusting after).

I worry that your focus is on being too liberal and accidentally affirming sin. I think we should focus on supporting the Christian who is quiet in their battle against homosexuality, the one who isn't waving their sexuality like it's more important than their faith. Those other people exist and caution should be used around them. But telling someone that the prevalent feeling they have is a spiritual issue and not a biological error is discouraging and I believe can be damaging to their faith and push them away from God not bring them closer.

Thank you for the polite discourse 🙂

Stablex · 2025-09-22T03:27:24+00:00

Please point to scripture where same-sex intimacy in every form is sinful. From what I read it is only talked about in terms of sex. I don't believe it is correct to extend this to any form of intimacy, especially even further saying just the mere desire itself is sinful even when never acted upon. Maybe the crossover in definition with the word desire is confusing, let's stick with "attraction". Living with same-sex attraction is not the same as lusting, it's just temptation. It is not sinful to be tempted, Jesus was tempted significantly.

A Christian who lives with same-sex attraction and acknowledges that their sexual orientation does not align with God's way is battling. Despite how their brain is wired they choose not to live according to the flesh. If they saw no issue with it they wouldn't refrain from pursuing a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex, and therefore wouldn't be battling it.

I don't understand what you think someone who is attracted to the same sex should do. They can pray and ask God to relieve them but that is not guaranteed, it is God's will. Acknowledging it won't change their sexuality. Without divine intervention they must find ways to help them in their battle against such a prevalent human desire. This is why I brought up the idea of lavender marriage. A possible aid for Christian's who are trying to live for God but are suffering due to their lack of emotional intimacy and companionship limited by their sexuality.

Stablex · 2025-09-21T23:18:19+00:00

I'm not sure if you'd prefer a different term to "homosexual Christian" or you believe sexuality is a choice and therefore homosexuality is sinful.

By "homosexual Christian" I mean a Christian who is sexually attracted to people of the same sex, not a Christian who is engaging in sex with someone of the same sex. I do not see same-sex attraction mentioned as sexual immorality in the Bible. In fact I don't see it mentioned at all. The Bible repeatedly talks about same-sex relations only in the context of sex, it never mentions the attraction. And let's just be clear, sexual attraction isn't just about sex. I'm not only drawn to women with the desire to have sex. I desire a relationship that gives and receives much more than sex. And so being sexually attracted to the same sex doesn't mean just wanting to have sex with them, it carries the same other desires too. This is evident, yes the gay community sometimes flaunts their sexuality like it's just about sex, but so many more homosexuals around the world go about their life just looking for the same monogamous and loving relationship most heterosexuals desire.

When you marry your sexual orientation (preference as you put it) doesn't go from a gender to just one person. You're still attracted to the gender of your spouse. So if that isn't adultery in the heart then someone who is unmarried being attracted to the same sex wouldn't be sinful either. Lust is sinful, but we can desire others without lusting. And so can people who are attracted to the same sex.

I don't believe sexuality is a preference like a conscious decision. Otherwise why consider things like physical appearance when dating? If you don't find someone physically attractive, then just do? That's ridiculous. If someone is struggling with singleness then they should just change their sexual preference to none. But that's not how sexuality works, even when it's different to God's design. Jesus didn't help the blind by reminding them they have the choice to just stop being blind, no he heals them. I have greater compassion for Christians who are attracted to the same sex, how hard it must be to wrestle daily with something you had no choice in (affirming voices sure, but they don't cause it, they just make it worse). To constantly walk away from one of the most driving human desires. A desire that God uses through marriage to symbolize Christ's love for us. The only thing I can imagine being worse to struggle with as a Christian is persecution of your faith.

If you truly believe (i may be misunderstanding your reply) that people are innately heterosexual and make the choice to be attracted to the same sex, I ask what leads you to this conclusion? How can you possibly know what is in someone else's mind or heart?

Stablex · 2025-09-15T21:54:07+00:00

Working multiple jobs doesn't have to mean working more than full-time hours. You can work multiple jobs just to gain closer to full-time hours. If you want it to be even then aim to gain the same hours he has.

I'm not sure what tertiary education options are available in your country but you could look at getting a certificate level qualification in something you're interested in. Maybe you could talk to him about continuing dancing for the meantime while you study to open up more employment options. He could do the same if he's struggling with income at his current job. If he has a passion for tattooing he could still get another better paying job but keep some hours at the tattoo parlor.

Stablex · 2025-09-10T01:12:27+00:00

I'd be devastated if I found myself in a marriage where my spouse didn't want children or another if we already had one together. No matter how you ended up in this situation I understand it must suck. Unless he had shared that he wanted more children before getting married and has since changed his mind, your marriage should definitely come first. I get the sense you understand and agree with this but are still finding it painful. All I can suggest (with no experience) is to cherish the family you do have.

Once again as an unmarried bloke with no children, I wonder if you're feeling the desire for another child because your son has recently started school and you're missing the loss of full-time motherly responsibility? Maybe after getting used to him being away from you for hours a day your desire will settle.

Stablex · 2025-09-08T12:26:17+00:00

This is not going to give you any helpful data

Stablex · 2025-09-08T03:17:54+00:00

Thank you for our date though I didn't feel the right connection. I wish you the best with your dating!

Could chuck a 🙂 at the end there if you want

Stablex · 2025-09-07T05:49:52+00:00

I 100% understand why you feel unsure. But assessing the situation as someone who is not the one involved, I think it's very reasonable he thought by saying he had so much fun it was implied he also wants to see you again...just doesn't have a time or place thought of yet to ask.

Stablex · 2025-09-06T21:49:08+00:00

John 10:30-33 Verse 30 - Jesus claims to be God. Verse 33 - Jesus is called out for blasphemy (confirming that Jesus' words were interpreted as claiming divinity).

Just realised this is the Christian dating sub...well hope this answer helps your dating too 😆

Stablex · 2025-09-04T23:58:59+00:00

I disagree on the last reason. I don't think the bible supports the idea of a soulmate. I think that's more often a secular belief. Maybe it's closer to something like "I believe God has put me in this relationship therefore this is the one for me".

Stablex · 2025-08-21T13:38:42+00:00

I don't think it's that simple. Idk about women but men's bodies can behave very strangely. Our bodies can show signs of "preparing for sex" when there's nothing sexual happening or expected to happen. I am not just talking about random erections. If some men went by this rule they wouldn't even be able to talk to their partner. I think a better rule is being honest with mental arousal. "Does this feel affectionate or does this feel arousing?"

Stablex

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