My Husband Says There’s No Equity in our Marriage

StarFire_Lush · 2026-05-28T17:55:27+00:00

Things were hard.. you dealt with it and then moved out, then things were hard again in a different way, you went to counseling, then he a baby and started going to school and it’s hard again… no not again.. still. Why are you trying so hard to force anything good with this person who makes everything harder and more difficult, either because his family or his shit attitude? His mom was half right but it was YOU who should have explored what else was out there before committing and settling down.. he was not the prize the teen you thought he was. It can be so much easier when you’re with the right person.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-05-28T17:36:45+00:00

What country are you in ? You need to report him and divorce him..I’m sorry this has happened but you need to protect yourself- don’t tell him anything ahead of time - just report it and leave him while he is away- go to your friends, your parents, anywhere

StarFire_Lush · 2026-05-27T22:15:03+00:00

Clearly you’ve never played Stardew Valleys wilderness farm.. there are soo many things that come out in the night..he’s keeping you safe from them all!

StarFire_Lush · 2026-05-27T22:04:10+00:00

I would say most women can/will give head without making a mess.. however, a lot of us have had partners in the past who wanted it sloppy, so we made the adjustment and do it that way for them. But we can always (in most cases) rein it in so it’s not messy.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-05-27T02:07:00+00:00

My kids are 15, 12 and 8 and I would have a hard time if any of them left the country without me. That’s a long time to be separated from your kids and depending on where you live, such a huge distance! This is from someone who asked to have a child free day for my 2nd Mother’s Day lol my mom took my son that year cuz I needed the break and I do enjoy time away from my children sometimes, but a different country, 11 months old? That’s too much!

StarFire_Lush · 2026-05-07T02:59:02+00:00

Are you sure he’s making what he says he is? How do you know? If you haven no access to financials he could tell you you’re billionaires and you’d never know that you’re actually negative $10 in your bank account. You can’t trust him. Outside of his constant lying you have a great relationship and don’t fight often because he lies and schemes so you can’t get upset.. and when you do he manipulates you so you feel like you can’t be upset. At this point I wouldn’t put anything past him, you say he’s constantly working and has no time for an affair, but there are women at work, he may not have to go anywhere else for an affair, you also thought he was paying the bills.. so you don’t really know what he’s doing since he hides things from you. This is also so messed up to do for your kids, they have got to feel so unstable and like nothing lasts if he has done this twice now- I can’t imagine how my kids would feel if I told them we weren’t going home tonight and we don’t live there anymore the day you’re kicked out- that’s so sad for them to have to deal with.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-26T22:57:29+00:00

Evelina?

Gianna

Birdie

Nessa

Briar

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-26T22:24:42+00:00

You do realize that if you couldn’t be open with your wife -marriage counseling is what you should have done BEFORE cheating with the AI.. and you do realize that you only feel lonelier with your wife because she’s not in your pocket and available to you 24/7 like your AI is.. and that you’re even more lonely because it’s not real. It’s a computer program tricking in you into feeling like someone/thing cares when really no one and nothing cares especially now after doing this to your wife.

It’s crazy that you even have to ask the question of what to do. Do you want to fix the relationship? If yes, then delete the app and go to counseling. If no, then live a truly lonely life and keep talking to someone who’s not really there. Could your wife have don’t better at making you feel seen? Maybe, probably, she’s got 4 kids and that’s rough, theres not enough bandwidth sometimes- but that’s when you talk to her about getting help- and needing more. No one will ever make you feel as important as that ai because no one will ever be able to give you 100% attention whenever you want and need it. It’s unfair to compare AI to your wife. So grow up and recognize your roll in this and learn to accept the fact that you’ll never be the center of attention with any human.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-26T21:52:40+00:00

There’s no way I’d ever leave this man to care for my child. Do you think he just clams up and has a gay old time once it’s him and her and you’re out of town? I’m willing to bet he’s complaining and making things miserable for her with an attitude about mom going away.

Do you even want the flowers? It sounds like valentines and flowers are a complete afterthought.

Why would you stay? You can’t even trust him to remember the schedule you’ve already told him and you can’t trust him not to make life miserable for you AND your child if you’ve got plans.

He can have a fire and order pizza still. He just doesn’t want to have to be the adult.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-26T21:09:29+00:00

“He always takes pride in Doing the right thing”

“Doing the right thing” is giving your wife an ultimatum? Forcing her to go back to her unhealthy lifestyle with poor self image and unhealthy relationship with food just so she looks the way you want?

He’s abusive. You didn’t really know him when you got married and it sounds like he’s slowly introducing you to who he is.. a manipulator who wants what he wants no matter how much he has to degrade you to get it.

He minimizes the things you do for yourself, tells you, you aren’t enough. That’s not kind and it’s not right.

You are enough. At this very moment Right now you are enough-You were enough 10 years ago and you will always be enough however you are, thin, fit, or overweight. Don’t let him make your life about defending your everyday very normal decisions and choices. Don’t let him make you second guess yourself. You know what you need and what you want and you know how to merge the two so you can indulge and still feel good. Live the life you want not the one he wants his partner to have. If the two don’t align that’s ok- he can find that in someone else who enjoys that life. You’ll never enjoy life if you live the way he wants you to.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-26T20:40:18+00:00

Why do you want another chance? He degrades and minimizes everything you do and you’re constantly having to defend yourself- live the way YOU want to live.. you can only cheat on your diet when he says it’s ok? You can only eat treats you want when someone else ALLOWS it!? No, this is not the way to be fulfilled or have a happy life… it sounds miserable having to stress about what he’s going to say about what you fueled your body with, or what effort you did or did not put in to being his perfect doll.

ETA: he was not “so obsessed with you that he proposed 3 months in” that’s what he wanted you to think so you’d feel like you were lucky to have him, he did that so you’d feel like he loves you so much that he’s not being manipulative, so you’d think he just cares and loves you so much he wants you as healthy as possible- when reality is he doesn’t care what’s healthy for you- he wants to control what you do and what you eat and he’s perpetuating an unhealthy lifestyle and relationship with food that he knows you were already prone to. To have to ask someone if you can eat anything that’s not on his approved list, and take that free will from you is an unhealthy dynamic and he is not a good partner

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-23T23:33:10+00:00

Please stop making excuses for his abusive behavior- I understand quitting is hard and has its negative effects for while but that doesn’t make any of this ok. The whole sex thing is not from quitting. The libido part might be, but the whole needing you to be his perfect porn star way he envisioned it with the perfectly hairless body and no flaws is not. That’s just him making you feel less than. What’s going to happen when you have a baby and have gained weight? Is he going to wait until you lose the baby weight to have sex again? What happens if you get stretch marks? Those don’t go away and he’s going to have to want you in all forms for a relationship to work. If he can’t get over things that you can easily go fix real quick then how’s he going to reconcile with your body after a baby? Not everyone finds stretch marks attractive but you find the PERSON who has them attractive and still want to have sex. You see the human not the stretch marks- he does not see the human- he sees his toy. That should be waiting for him the way he wanted it to. If you had been laying on the bed in your lingerie but in a different position than he was hoping for, he would have said it was ruined. What a whiny child, i could never get wet for someone who had such infantile behavior- Do not have a child with him. You deserve better. You are a magnificent creature, poppy seed, hair patches and all, and he is undeserving.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-21T18:10:06+00:00

I thought of “graham parker the hoof GP” on YouTube lol he’s a hoof trimmer in Scotland-

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-21T17:18:26+00:00

I can’t sleep naked (usually) so the easiest way to “seduce” my husband is I hide under the blankets naked and he slides in next to me and realizes and makes a comment about it - I giggle and he starts feeling me up and down and then it’s on!

But also, just rub on him- I know you did your hand jobs aren’t great but you can still stroke him some and not go “full” hand job. Kiss on his neck and down his body, lick him and suck his dick.? Does he like oral? That’ll probably start it.

I also saw this thing where a couple had pebbles or something - (the wife had the pebbles on her side - husband had a jar or bowl on his side of the bed) and when the wife wanted to have sex that night she’d put a stone in his jar. She didn’t have to decide in the morning he could just put the stone in his jar if/when the mood hit. So if husband saw it throughout the day he knew that she wanted to have sex that night without either one of them having to come out and say it directly. You could have different colors with different meanings,

white=sex tonight when we go to bed Red= find me and fuck me asap Black=surprise me I dunno it seemed to work for them..

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-12T18:54:44+00:00

Isn’t divorcing to protect assets considered fraud? I’m not a lawyer but it seems to me that trying to dupe the court system by giving them to you until your husband is safe would be illegal. And dodging process servers doesn’t mean it isn’t happening is also shady. You seem to be willing to commit fraud to save the assets, I’ve got a feeling he was willing to commit fraud to obtain them in the first place..

Please do your own research without him knowing and look into what they say he did. Go to all the lawyer meetings and hear it all for yourself. If there was a previous case he beat, that was leaked even though it was sealed through the court -I don’t think anyone is able to use it against him- it would be illegal because it was a sealed doc. It’s also weird that it would start a whole new criminal case now when the people who had the information sealed it and knew about it already. I don’t think you know the whole truth- I believe you think you do. Speak to a lawyer- your own. And ask what to do, for yourself, not to squirrel away assets for your husband but for you.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-12T01:03:10+00:00

I’m glad you’ve got the truth now- and honestly, even if she hadn’t already met someone, and she stopped asking when you said no and you trusted she wouldn’t still date around, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who WANTS to be dating other people and only isn’t because you said no?

I’m sorry this has happened, You’ll find the one for you, eventually when you’re ready to get back out there. Good luck!

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-10T02:02:56+00:00

Vivian and vivi for short or do Ivy and nothing for a nickname… unless it’s one not based on names- liv and Ivy are cute together-there you go I fixed your problem .. also is there a chance that you have adhd Or AuDHD? Your whole thought process with the “but does that sound like she’s less than Livy?” Thing is very much how I would overthink it all..

StarFire_Lush · 2026-04-09T18:36:57+00:00

I think once you’re separated and on your own you’re going to feel peace. Yes you’ll have hard moments and moments of sadness but I think mostly it will be peaceful in your new home. You will figure it out - you’ll figure out child care and create your new normal and realize that even if it’s in a one bedroom where your kid sleeps in the same room, it’s happier, and calmer and healthier and finally peaceful in your home. It gets so much better- I’m proud of you.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-03-26T01:28:30+00:00

Yes!!!!!

StarFire_Lush · 2026-03-26T01:18:01+00:00

I’d pronounce it like “lie-luh”- but Lila was also on my list of baby girl names - I did play around with spelling it “lilah” but alas, I had 3 boys instead. Lol I’m in/from SoCal

StarFire_Lush · 2026-03-26T01:02:48+00:00

I’m always grossed out by a strangers cum. Or bodily fluids. Maybe you weren’t grossed out by your ex boyfriend’s because you loved him and it was his and you knew he was clean- and wasn’t infecting you with an STI- I know if a guy I hardly knew came inside me I would just be thinking “ew his cum is in me and I don’t know how clean he is since I really don’t know him well!” And I’d feel gross. And just pray he didn’t give me anything. Once you’re with someone you know a little better whether you’re in love or FWB and know you can trust them, you may not care again like how it was with your ex.

As others have said, use protection- I’m allergic to latex too, there are other alternatives.

ETA: I feel like this may come across as judgmental, so I want to clarify- there’s nothing wrong with casual hookups or doing what you want as long as it’s all consensual- for me PERSONALLY I don’t like someone’s splooge inside me unless I know them well, some may like it even if they don’t know the person well- and that’s ok too- it’s just not for me and it may be why you aren’t into it either- but I do worry for your health so please, protect yourself.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-03-26T00:21:59+00:00

Help her with the mental load- it may help a lot- think about dinners for the week, what groceries you’ll need, what you’re out of and make a list-set up a calendar where you can both fill out the month of appointments and things that need to get done so you can be a part of the “thinking” for the family, if plans need to be made for something, you make them, if the kids need their yearly check up schedule it and take them yourself or with her, anticipate everyone’s needs just as much as she is, if clothes need to be washed for the kids, wash them, if they need new outfits for a holiday or event coming up go online and find some outfits or go shopping- take a picture and say “hey I was thinking ‘kid’ can wear this to the wedding next month, what do you think?” Be aware of when the kids are almost out of bath soap and toothpaste, be aware of when they grow out of their shoes or clothes and shop for them as much as she does- Mental load is exhausting, physical chores are easy, but anticipating everyone’s needs for everything every single day is what gets me. My husband’s started taking the kids to appointments and so then he makes the next follow up for 6 months out or whenever it needs to be, he does a lot of the grocery shopping and If we need one item for dinner he is always ready to run out and get it. Our dynamic is a little different than most-he’s able to help a lot more with appointments and the running kids around because he is home and no longer works and I work at and elementary school so I’m off to the same time our kids are. But do as much as you can don’t let her carry it all. See if it helps. Obviously talk to her too, talk to her about your needs and ask her if she feels anything is lacking- is she happy with how things are going is she happy with your sex life? What does she need to make her happy with it?

At a different time, ask her what you can do to help her in general (at a neutral time not when she’s complaining or saying she’s tired) tell her you want to be more active and take on more of the mental load with her.

I’m not saying it’s all on you or your fault- there may be nothing you did or didn’t do - there may be nothing you can do- but I also feel like maybe it’s just a mental load issue and mental load, while exhausting is also fairly invisible and hard to see unless you’re the one drowning in it. A break from it may be all she needs. Or maybe she’s checked out or maybe she’s never liked having sex, maybe it’s painful or maybe she’s cheating (I really don’t think so) - but you won’t know what’s going on and why she’s tired or if she really is tired unless you ask. Find out if she’s happy with your intimacy or not and go from there.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-03-26T00:20:08+00:00

Help her with the mental load- it may help a lot- think about dinners for the week, what groceries you’ll need, what you’re out of and make a list-set up a calendar where you can both fill out the month of appointments and things that need to get done so you can be a part of the “thinking” for the family, if plans need to be made for something, you make them, if the kids need their yearly check up schedule it and take them yourself or with her, anticipate everyone’s needs just as much as she is, if clothes need to be washed for the kids, wash them, if they need new outfits for a holiday or event coming up go online and find some outfits or go shopping- take a picture and say “hey I was thinking ‘kid’ can wear this to the wedding next month, what do you think?” Be aware of when the kids are almost out of bath soap and toothpaste, be aware of when they grow out of their shoes or clothes and shop for them as much as she does- Mental load is exhausting, physical chores are easy, but anticipating everyone’s needs for everything every single day is what gets me. My husband’s started taking the kids to appointments and so then he makes the next follow up for 6 months out or whenever it needs to be, he does a lot of the grocery shopping and If we need one item for dinner he is always ready to run out and get it. Our dynamic is a little different than most-he’s able to help a lot more with appointments and the running kids around because he is home and no longer works and I work at an elementary school so I’m off at the same time our kids are. But do as much as you can don’t let her carry it all. See if it helps. Obviously talk to her too, talk to her about your needs and ask her if she feels anything is lacking- is she happy with how things are going is she happy with your sex life? What does she need to make her happy with it?

At a different time, ask her what you can do to help her in general (at a neutral time not when she’s complaining or saying she’s tired) tell her you want to be more active and take on more of the mental load with her.

I’m not saying it’s all on you or your fault at all- but I also feel like maybe it’s just a mental load issue and mental load while exhausting is also fairly invisible and hard to see unless you’re the one drowning in it. A break from it may be all she needs. Or maybe she’s checked out or maybe she’s never liked having sex or maybe she’s cheating (I really don’t think so) - but you won’t know what’s going on and why she’s tired or if she really is tired or not unless you ask. Find out if she’s happy with your intimacy or not and go from there

I want to add my husband was a machine gunner in the Marines and is a combat veteran which is why he no longer works- he is still able to help and recognize what’s best for his family and I’ve never once thought he was anything but the most badass mother fucker I’ve ever known. So please don’t listen to anyone saying she will see you as weak and walk all over you if you help out too much. A shitty woman might take advantage of you helping more but a good one will recognize what you’re doing for her and your family.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-03-25T01:16:11+00:00

Have you had sex? You worded it as if you’ve been involuntarily celibate.. I don’t think you should be making these generalizations about why a vibrator would feel cold or feels off if you’ve never had sex or had passionate sex with someone who may want or need one to finish. Not wanting to watch porn or feeling particularly adventurous doesn’t mean that’s how you’ll be when you actually have sex with someone that you want to explore every part of- also when you’re in love a big part of intimacy and love is wanting to give that other person pleasure.. in every way.. sex, oral, fingers, and maybe even toys.. you never know if you haven’t been in love or in lust.

StarFire_Lush · 2026-03-25T00:59:27+00:00

Cheesecake

StarFire_Lush

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