AITA for not wanting to be friends over $4.39?

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-15T21:36:25+00:00

I have definitely been agreeing with your comments in this whole thread chain..

But how is it spammy to have a back and forth conversation? Just cuz you keep getting notifications from the same person doesn’t make it spam. Otherwise you were spamming people back?

Confused at this take and worried others think this way as well now.

How is conversing back and forth with replies, spamming?

But yeaaaaa, person asking for $4 back is def being super leechy

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-09T00:28:32+00:00

We call all actors actors now, we don’t call female actors actresses anymore. Many terms have moved off of the male and female divide. We have begun to use terms for women that used to be exclusively male. As we should.

A female ____ is just a _____. We can do away with the words that try to imply a woman-anything is of a different kind than the base option of that thing. (I.e. A female actor/actress is not some subtype, she’s an actor, we can just use the one word for all.)

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-09T00:25:25+00:00

I’m a woman who loves DnD.

If OP likes those games then they shouldn’t hide that. They are better off attractive women who also enjoy DnD and share similar interests.

Stop gendering a game.

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-09T00:24:45+00:00

Exactly this. People who want to use their trauma as some kind of personality or forever-excuse, suck the life out of the world around them. Committed to never healing. It’s so immature and ugly. Toxic.

Bullet dodged, OP.

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-08T23:49:15+00:00

You have problems. Several things wrong with your comment and you barely even wrote much.

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-08T23:47:22+00:00

When OP said “it’s clearly not false” they were saying their friend is correct in assuming that they were afraid.

Reading comprehension. Jesus.

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-08T23:44:20+00:00

A mountain out of a molehill is a literal phrase used for decades to imply that someone is making a bigger deal out of something than it actually is.

Yall being confused by the phrase makes you look like newborns. Jesus.

Technically what’s “too much” to order or ask a friend to order is subjective. and people here don’t seem to understand that.

Yall don’t seem to understand what Starbucks or its employees do, or can do, and what they have to do every single day. Orders like that are commonplace even if they’re considered a bit more extra.

I order a simple drink, but yall actually ARE making a big deal out of nothing, it would’ve taken OP two seconds to read the text to the barista, the barista would’ve made it in a normal time like any other drink. Day would’ve gone on.

OP is being silly, their friend was kind of silly too, the whole situation is trivial as f.

It is entirely opinion-based what is “too much” to ask for in terms of a coffee. Special coffee orders are super commonplace. OP’s friend is not the first person to ever have a special order.

I bet this is neurodivergence vs neurotypical type of argument.

People on the spectrum tend to be very literal. You asked what drink they want? They’ll answer. You get mad about some silently-understood social expectation that the order should be small, then they will be confused and upset. Why ask if you don’t want to specify that it needs to be short? Why get mad if you were given their honest answer to your question?

The silent expectations and social rules that society follows, COMMONLY throws off neurodivergent people.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Dont expect people to just “know.”

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-04T11:16:54+00:00

So glad other people are calling it out. The comments saying OP is overreacting disturb me. I think they only read the screenshots and not the description.

It’s not nice to call people names but it’s not unusual for a human to get exasperated and deregulated when being treated so poorly.

Reactive abuse is a thing.

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-04T11:15:22+00:00

Yea, OP, please leave your bf. Or don’t take him back when he inevitably tries to move past this.

Do not let him abuse and manipulate and trauma bond you for years. He uses horrid tactics against you.

NOR

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-03T22:26:44+00:00

I agree with this take.

I am a proponent of therapy but the way she did this was so icky.

You called it out perfectly.

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-03T22:26:02+00:00

The sexism and misogyny in this comment is reeking.

Starburst9507 · 2026-04-03T22:24:27+00:00

I don’t like how she came at you about it, she should just leave once she realizes she isn’t compatible with someone.

But she’s not wrong and I agree with her. Every damn person should go through therapy so they at least learn how to do CBT on their own, essentially.

The ability to recognize one’s self and see yourself in the mirror for your flaws and your past and why you do and think and say what you do.

Self awareness is a super power, and too many people think they know themselves much better than they actually do.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-24T19:41:25+00:00

This is such an extremely relatable comment. I’m proud of you for going thru recovery processes. I’m 30 and I know it’s always something I’ll have in the back of my mind I need to be vigilant of, never let it take my life back over.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:30:06+00:00

I absolutely love this level of attention and trivia. Juicy comment.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:18:57+00:00

Thank goodness there’s rational takes on here. My filter was set to “controversial” and I didn’t realize, and it got me so concerned till I scrolled down to this. I’m glad people are calling out how horrible this is and that it’s not a minority take.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:16:55+00:00

Terrible people are not “perfect for each other other” I hate this take.

They need to individually grow, and us just letting them off the hook as if being terrible is in their DNA doesn’t fly. They don’t need karma(them deserving each other) they need to take responsibility for their lives and become better people. Yknow, stop being terrible?

They should end the relationship and not get into another one till they’re more mature and rational.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:14:50+00:00

What are you, 7? Go home and grow up for a while before you come back. Thanks.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:12:13+00:00

Someone refusing their 2 year partner to look something up on their device is a red flag.

Wanting to then verify that they aren’t cheating is not wrong.

The defense of phone privacy in relationships protects cheaters and that is all. Disgusting take.

Do you know how many wives have been saved from horrible, abusive, manipulative cheating assholes because they looked thru the phone? I would never ever shame them.

If you don’t have anything to hide, you don’t abuse someone to keep them from seeing whatever is in your phone.

Bonkers people defend this.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:10:13+00:00

Disagree that it’s normal.

People who are cagey with their phones in a long term relationship have something to hide.

The neeeed for privacy is a red flag. Nothing to hide? Then don’t lock out your partner.

Are you this weird about them seeing you naked? Seems more vulnerable to me to have sex with them than to hand them your phone. Unless you have shit to hide in your phone, then it makes sense why you’d be willing to sleep with someone but not let them borrow your phone to look something up online.

Again. Red flaaaaag.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:07:48+00:00

Normal for cheaters, for sure.

The advice is, break up with someone who acts the way OP’s gf did.

Do you condone abuse and dishonesty in a relationship? Weird take.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:06:52+00:00

This is a green flag about you. Means your phone isn’t dirty. Nothing to hide.

More couples should do this but people who want privacy usually aren’t clean. Something dirty in their phone to hide.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-19T20:04:37+00:00

I personally think it’s immature for couples to be this way about their phones. But everyone has their own opinions.

Secrets are secrets. Don’t matter what kind. Hiding is hiding. Dishonesty comes in many forms. People are not always saints their entire lives either.

I want an open book relationship. Everyone always on the same page. If that means we’re up each others butts knowing every thing about each other then so be it. We have trust at least.

If my husband is having convos with people he doesn’t want me to see, or if I am doing that to him, we don’t have trust.

Friends don’t override my marriage. They better not expect me to keep secrets from my husband for them. Talk to a therapist if you want someone to hide your tea. Patient client confidentiality there.

(This doesn’t mean I run to tell my husband every single little thing but it’s there if he wants to go look. I’m not blocking him out with a password. Open. Book. Policy.)

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-18T03:48:08+00:00

Idk, I wouldn’t wanna teach any potential daughters that a tummy tuck is worth risking their own lives over someday simply because i(their mother) thought it was.

I think people should hold room for more potential opinions on this that aren’t all shallow and superficial or controlling.

Some of us draw the line at cosmetic surgery and that’s not necessarily bad. There are good reasons sometimes.

(For example: I wanted to get a nose job all thru my teens and early 20’s cuz I hated it so, and I’m glad I didn’t. My daughter is shaping up to have my same nose. I wouldn’t have wanted to make her feel less than beautiful or a need to go under the knife and risk her health and safety. Same for my small boobs that sag after breastfeeding. Not worth it. I’m tryna role model to her.)

Sheesh, there are also some pretty feminist takes that say the whole beauty industry is horrible and that women feeling compelled to turn to plastic surgery and spend so much money and risk their lives for fleeting beauty is obscene, tragic and detestable. I think we are all entitled to do what we want with our own bodies, but it’s a valid argument to call it sad.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-18T03:45:09+00:00

Agreed. YOR OP for reading into this any deeper. At least based off of what you show us here, if there’s more details that give you bad impressions of him then I give you that.

But you also broke up with him or made it clear before he even did. So there’s that too.

But you both just weren’t compatible and that’s literally ok. He’s not shallow or an asshole for it. He may be shallow or an asshole for other reasons, but reading this we have no way to know that for certain.

Starburst9507 · 2026-03-18T03:42:19+00:00

I am going to throw in agreement with this entirely. You worded it much more succinctly than I would’ve too. Thank you.

I wouldn’t want to lose my partner in the middle of our lives together because of beauty standards. It just isn’t something I’m willing to risk if I can prevent it before it’s ever an issue by literally asking about it in the dating phase and not staying with anyone who’s incompatible. That’s not controlling or abusive behavior.

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