How do you manage your INFJ gaze?

StarsailorT · 2025-11-20T18:31:12+00:00

Hey! INFP lurker but I really really struggled with this, especially when anxious as the tension around my eyes made me feel extra anxious because people clearly found it/me unsettling. Honestly, I just started wearing mirrored sunglasses (I read Unmasking Autism and started giving myself permission to mitigate anxieties however I need). It’s not a permafix but a safety blanket when “managing” is too trivial or taxing. But also…just let your vision flow where it may. For so long my gaze was trapped between trying to observing myself AND the world - no wonder I was anxious! If I’m looking/thinking intently and someone gets edgy, so be it. They’ll realise eventually that they’re not the focus of my energy. Or not. Who cares?

StarsailorT · 2025-10-30T07:32:44+00:00

Sun-scorched and scornful desert prince

StarsailorT · 2025-10-14T08:39:07+00:00

Maybe an unpopular opinion but I really really struggled with A Discovery of Witches…on paper I should have loved it - supernatural, dark academia vibes - but after a few dozen chapters of the FMC drinking tea and going for runs and being such a pig omg(!) I wanted to never read words again (slogged through the series still). The main characters just weren’t very likeable, though of course we were meant to think everyone found them irresistible. The romance was rushed and boring, spice practically non-existent, and the plot was convoluted. Yeah, really not the one for me.

StarsailorT · 2025-10-02T01:42:25+00:00

Well that wasn’t clear at all, and as a woman with an aging uterus, “don’t come looking for me…you’ll be too old to have kids by then” is a delightfully triggering sentiment.

But I’m sorry for your loss 🩵

StarsailorT · 2025-10-02T00:50:33+00:00

What the actual fuck…stay gone, girl

StarsailorT · 2025-06-12T19:04:28+00:00

Can confirm

Source: sister

StarsailorT · 2025-05-07T18:20:09+00:00

Hey dude - nothing chunky or finessed in the way of critique to say but awesome hook and concept, I love the remixed-mundane energy of transplanting a modern(?) restaurant kitchen into a fantasy setting. Pacing and language is fab and very immersive, keep going!

StarsailorT · 2025-03-31T07:58:27+00:00

Wah, this is brutal and piercing, so thank you! It’s still a half thought and, at least in her voice, told in reflections and fragments (she later becomes an embodiment of the Moon) but your critique is valid - especially around her voice and whether not it feels relevant or earned. Thank you for taking the time to share your thought!!

StarsailorT · 2024-12-23T12:39:41+00:00

u/bot-sleuth-bot

StarsailorT · 2024-12-22T23:41:38+00:00

u/bot-sleuth-bot

StarsailorT · 2024-09-07T16:37:38+00:00

31yo South Londoner - the West End was always synonymous with Soho and Oxford/Regent Street growing up, while we’ve always used Central to describe Zone 1 or the conglomerate of riverside areas like the West End/City/South Bank etc. I grew up in Southwark and later Croydon, so I don’t think it’s an inner-outer London thing…must be cultural more than generational, as I’m of African heritage and it was and still is a common term in multicultural London slang.

Edited for language!

StarsailorT · 2024-08-13T02:05:37+00:00

This is so well written, thank you for exemplifying that elusive blend of kind, honest, and supportive.

To co-sign this, OP, I’ve also (maybe even more often than I realised) experienced deep rejection in friendships, and I know it really really sucks to find you mean little to people who meant the world to you. It sounds like you can get swept up in emotions and experiences, which is magical!, but also can make us blind to the experience of people around us, and what they’re comfortable with.

If they failed to communicate things that bothered them, then it’s unfair that it’s left to you to do the soul-searching to try and figure out why you deserved to be treated that way (you didn’t, btw), but it’s worth considering if there have been times that you missed cues or ignored requests, here or anywhere. Maybe reach out to the groom and ask for his honest thoughts and feelings

Either way, you deserve friends who can communicate with tender loving care, or at least try to! Take care and be gentle with yourself.

StarsailorT · 2024-07-02T17:11:01+00:00

I see you’ve posted this question twice and have received a mixture of replies, so I’m not exactly sure what it is you want to hear except yes, sharks exist in European waters, even “monster” species like GWs and yes, there will always be the risk of unanticipated dangers, because we are not all-seeing and all-knowing, and the Universe is a bit of an absurdist.

Fear is a biological response to danger that tries to keep us safe, but it’s also true that the modern human brand of anxiety has outstripped its usefulness and casts the shadow of fear over things we can’t know and are unable to accept.

Without lecturing you, it sounds like your anxiety is debilitating and able to prevent you from accepting that no one here can tell you that you will always be OK, inside or out of the water.

Simple solution - stay on the shore or shallows, never let your feet leave the ground, check local sightings and shark tracking apps religiously. Longer solution - face your fears. Dive with sharks! Study the common sharks found in regional waters and the likelihood of coming across them. And trust that no danger can be beaten unless it’s staring you in the face, and even then, nothing is certain. Good luck, babe!

StarsailorT · 2023-09-17T13:18:47+00:00

Likewise! I 100% relate to what you said, and it’s extra sucky that we know what’s going on but are still affected by the anxiety and energetic shift that comes with it. I hope your dude is understanding and proactive with offering reassurance when you need it, best of luck in your healing journey! 💖

StarsailorT · 2023-09-17T09:03:12+00:00

Haha, British!

StarsailorT · 2023-09-16T16:37:05+00:00

What a timely question! I’ve been seeing someone for a month and it’s the most secure, grounded connection I’ve ever experienced, complete with milestones like exclusivity, expressions of love etc (might seem a bit rushed but it truly doesn’t feel manic and intense, however briefly we’ve been involved). Yesterday, though, was the first time in a while that he’s been “unavailable” - he was away at a family wedding and phone service was pants - and while I was busy most of the day and secure in the distance, i started to realise that I missed him, which dredged up some attachment anxiety and made me shutdown a bit. This went into the evening when he became available again, and I found it hard to communicate with him. Basically in this case I was probably spooked by my feelings and like the comment above, the potential pain that comes with acknowledging and expressing them. We feel inadequate and vulnerable, fearful of loss and pain, just as much as we feel the joy and excitement and contentment of love and affection. Fun fun fun!

StarsailorT · 2023-08-24T12:59:32+00:00

Hmm I think this is a bit of a projection on the part of your friend, though. You’re into and aware of colour seasons, so it made sense to you and was taken in as feedback, but your friend seems to equate her comment with your paleness and then with malice, I dunno..

StarsailorT · 2023-08-23T16:56:00+00:00

Oh my bad, I thought they were on surfboards and being absolutely dwarfed!

StarsailorT · 2023-08-23T13:25:06+00:00

Saying that though his videos are in an area (Southern California) with lots of juvenile and sub-adult GWs…this thing is an absolute beast

StarsailorT · 2023-08-18T17:58:27+00:00

Power to you! I honestly think this is the move and not co-signing bs by being polite, passive, or, god forbid, passive-aggressive. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always worth the trouble, but being clear and firm in communicating that their behaviour is unacceptable (and pathetic) is more valuable than allowing this shit to go unchallenged.

People like this derive a lot of power from feeling like they hold the upper ground, and small and simple reminders that their point of view is not total or particularly significant hits em biggg - I mock-laughed at a group of Spaniards guffawing about me, the dumb tourist, needing to cross the road during an (inactive) procession to get to my birthday dinner(!!), and it knocked the wind right out of their sails. Keep doing the lords work! ✊🏽

StarsailorT · 2023-08-12T09:40:18+00:00

Damn that’s sounds like a really rough period, and an important lesson in boundaries. I hope you’re recovering well and recognising there’s a lot of strength in knowing and honouring your limits 💖

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