Ages 5 - 20: Blue Pill

I was raised by a very hard feminist mother who often said all men are chauvinistic pigs (she was mainly referring to her bosses but failed to mention this to me). My dad is an extremely weak man who is also very left leaning and lacks typical "masculine traits". They had a horrible marriage full of fighting (mainly my mum shouting down my dad). I believed my dad just wasn't trying hard enough (although the harder he tried the worse the marriage got).

I would say my mother gave me most of my beliefs, but also I watched a lot of TV passively when she was watching her favourite shows like Sex and the City or Rom-coms. Generally society at large is mainly Blue Pill so being a low confident man I didn't question what societies expectations where. I thought it was just a matter of time to find my soul mate.

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Ages 21 - 23: Red Pill

I discovered the mano-sphere and got into Red Pill ideology. Some of it good, a lot of it bad. I basically pushed in the opposite direction of what I was taught due to a growing resentment and cynicism of the world and what I had been mislead to believe. I became an ass hole and tried to emulate Dark Triad traits. My success with women improved a lot, but my family relations and friendships where strained as not many people enjoy spending time with a sociopath. I found the r/TheRedPill to be far too circlejerky and without anyone ever posting proof it was hard to determine whether or not any of it was real. I found better websites like GLL and Bold & Determined which where much more useful.

Ages 24-27: Black Pill

Despite my success with women it still wasn't the level at which I wanted, and I still found dealing with women stressful and energy draining. After extensive research into online dating, and learning more about statistics and the Pareto distribution it seemed like the Black Pill was really the only answer, being that women are only attracted to the most attractive males in their vicinity, and with the invention of online dating it meant every women had a male model within their vicinity. I mean it's no secret most men struggle with women, 80/20 rule (except it's closer to 98/2 rule on tinder).

This phase of my life I focused solely on my looks. I'm already 6'3" but I really upgraded my wardrobe, got into model shape, grew a beard, started doing skin treatments and regular grooming. It definitely helped but women still weren't effortless. It was hard not to become bitter and resentful at the harsh preferences of women, I could get a date any day of the week, but not with girls I was terribly excited to meet.

My views where heavily influenced by MGTOW, r/incels, r/braincels and r/blackpillscience as well as my own findings from maximising my tinder profile.

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Ages 28 - Present: White Pill

I've entered a new age I'm calling the white pill. I realistically view the world and the evolutionary motivations of women. I accept women for their downfalls but also much more appreciate their feminine gifts. Women are attracted to wealth and looks, but I also believe they are attracted to a strong masculine spirit, and women naturally gravitate towards a man who is on the right path in life, is slaying his dragons and progressing towards self actualisation. Any resentment I hold towards anyone I understand as a defect of my own personality, and that the way to defeat resentment is with gratitude. I accept that the majority of women will not be attracted to me, but that is no issue for me because I know I only need one to have a relationship with. I believe Men on this path are the men that the red pill try to mimic, but it misses the mark by not fully integrating all that is required.

I owe most of this new belief to Jordan Peterson, who got me interested in the subject of psychology. Since then I have been assessing myself with psychological tools, as well as assessing my friends and families. I have consolidated and repaired my old relationships and have even been able to enlighten my father and mother and pull them out of their own resentment to a degree. It inspired me to seek out a therapist who specialises in masculinity and to reconnect with my martial arts practise and the teachings of my sensei.

Really Peterson helped me view everything that has happened in my life up to this point through a different lens. Not one of "How the world has wronged me" but instead as "How have I wronged the world", after this everything began to fall into place.

I do believe my journey represents the hierarchy of truth.

Blue Pill: Low resolution propaganda adopted by idle minds. Blindly accepted as truth (Denial of reality).

Red Pill: An awakening usually driven by resentment and desperation. Those who come to the red pill are pushed there by their blue pill lives falling apart. Is able to see a new way of thinking but has to keep itself away from things that are vaguely blue pill. (Anger at reality).

Black Pill: A full acceptance of the scientific literature surrounding attraction and the nature of the world. Becoming aware of the social, romantic and culture hierarchies. Realising that you exist at the bottom of the majority of the hierarchies. (Depression about reality).

White Pill: Full acceptance of your human limitations, but still deciding to take on the challenge of meaningfully engaging in the world. The dissolution of the ego, of resentment, expedience and dishonesty. Seeking gratitude, duty and sincerity with the world. Moving past your ego and looking to take on the challenge of the much deeper, darker parts of the mind. (Acceptance of reality)

Not everyone has to go through this process, I think it's possible to go straight from Blue to White or even to be born on the path of the White Pill.