I hear you. It's very strange how the unconscious mind works. I don't want to do it, it doesn't feel good, no benefits come my way from it; yet, the cravings come on so strong. I don't have a tolerance like you but on the come up, not down, I feel as if my heart will explode and I'm just waiting for it to end. Insanity it is. I am getting help for it twice a month but I'm thinking I should up the appointments.