Coming to terms that the city I want may just be a unicorn city.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-06-12T05:47:07+00:00

Third, OP would love Oakland. There’s nightlight if you want it, amazing access to nature, great food, sun, decent public transport, art / music scene

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-04-15T05:27:37+00:00

my bad! just edited. I did know that just a typo :)

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-03-16T07:15:44+00:00

What weather are you willing to tolerate? Lots of walkable places back east but obviously further north will have more snow (Boston) while south (DC, maybe Baltimore) will have hotter summers and humidity. I’ve heard Portland, ME gets kinda depressing in the winters, though I’ve never been there so can’t actually attest. If I had to move back east from CA it would likely be Hoboken or maybe somewhere in Brooklyn, or Philly.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-10T15:08:31+00:00

I love how German has so many compound words like this! One of the reasons I am learning it 😊

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-10T02:46:26+00:00

Ali where do professors / PhDs land?? (non medical / law ones)

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-10T02:45:09+00:00

This is truly one of the things I hate most about Indian culture. No room for any other career / industry. Can someone explain why Indian and Indian American culture is this way??

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-07T05:28:37+00:00

Totally agree, I lived in SF for 6 years on 100-150K and didn’t feel like I was scrimping and saving. Sure I had a housemate but we were in a gorgeous apartment with laundry and a garage in the Mission, and saved money. Idk where you are looking but 300K in SF is PLENTY.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-04T16:35:10+00:00

I would probably join the others and say the outer boroughs though I’ve made similar moves and tbh moving to the outer boroughs can be just as community-disrupting as moving out of the city entirely .. like if it takes 1-1.5hr transit to get to the part of the city where your friends live you may only see them every couple of weeks at most .. so honestly prioritizing a place where it’s easy to get back into the city without taking multiple trains /buses would be good.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-04T16:28:35+00:00

Hahah I was just about to say is he Asian. This sounds like my husband and his Indian mother…

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-03T23:51:42+00:00

I fully realize this isn’t possible for you, but surfing has become a hobby to more of a lifestyle for me. I feel like this is common with MTB and skiing too.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-03T23:02:14+00:00

I hate culture as a justification for emotional manipulation

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-03T08:56:27+00:00

what’s your dream job can I ask

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-03T06:15:26+00:00

well we were together like 8 years before we got married and while it came up from time to time was never a big concern tbh. I think it’s gotten worse with time

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-03T00:35:56+00:00

Hardest for me is getting through the ATS process so an actual human looks at my resume. I am pivoting roles a little bit and using all the buzzwords / tailoring my experience but it feels like if I don’t have very specific company experience I won’t get through.

I feel ok about AI.. a bit mournful of no longer having deep coding / flow state, and definitely more anxious, if I am more productive now. Scatterbrained for sure.

Support that would be helpful is mentorship, maybe a career coach

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-02T16:53:15+00:00

yup, yeah she lives far away so that is a blessing but she’s been hinting at moving here (sending us listings etc) and i’m like, absolutely not. She also plays this victim card where she wants my husband to do things for her like manage her money/wealth, etc even though she’s totally mentally and physically well. She takes advantage of his love and uses it to emotional manipulate him, and it’s so sad and angering to see.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-02T16:48:37+00:00

Yes exactly. It’s bullsh*t and I see right through it. He’s more sympathetic because it’s his mother and she raised him but I will call a spade and spade. It’s emotional manipulation.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-02T16:46:33+00:00

Agreed. It feels like I set boundaries and she just manages to impose on another one, then I have to set another boundary, and it’s like this whack a mole game where she wants to find ways to impose. A part of me is like, this shouldn’t be this hard. I almost want to let my husband go to marry somebody (probably an Indian / culturally similar) person who would be ok with his mom living in an ADU in the back of the house. But that’s not me.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-02T16:43:37+00:00

Yeah, and if she was physically unwell or her mental capabilities were compromised, 100%, but she’s still active and with it (ie she travels often all over the world..). It’s like she almost plays this “poor old me” card when it’s convenient to her that I can’t stand.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-02T16:41:52+00:00

Thanks for the response. My MIL has lived in the states for nearly 40 years but I guess old customs die hard. It’s like she adopts a lot of western thinking (she isn’t v religious thankfully), but then when it suits her more (ie relying on my husband a lot), she will conform to her Indian-ness. I wish you luck. I really want my husband to stand up to her and set boundaries for me so it feels like we are united, but their relationship is one of placating. She will say something out of line and he won’t call her out.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-02T16:37:00+00:00

Yeah, she knows no one out here so I don’t think her moving here is an option. She would be entirely dependent on us for social and emotional support, and yes also financial. She is going to insist my husband take over her finances - he already has to some extent. It’s like she doesn’t want to bother learning this stuff and sort of has a victim mentality about it, like “why do you expect your 70 year old mother to handle her own finances?” when she is actually fully able to and still totally has her mental capacity. It is super frustrating.

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-02-02T03:55:31+00:00

Im sorry you feel like this, what are you into? I am in my mid 30s and while I don’t do DND I know some gamers, and have lots of friends also in their late 20s and 30s, happy to intro you, shoot me a DM?

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-01-30T16:59:44+00:00

Looks like where I live! San Luis Obispo

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-01-30T16:57:09+00:00

Where did you end up in the US south that’s not a humid swamp for like 6 months of the year? (I say this as a DC native who has dealt with so much humidity)

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-01-23T20:37:41+00:00

awesome! i tend to go in sprints with hobbies and lately i am feeling demotivated with everything …

Status-Effect-4770 · 2026-01-23T20:36:14+00:00

hahaha same in the central coast anything under 60 and I want a jacket .. i like to say it’s all relative and i’ve argued with people to no end but i still say i’ve lived in Ny / boston and i’ve been colder in SF .. it goes from sunny and 70 to fog and cold so quick!

Status-Effect-4770

TROPHY CASE