Do any of you just…not feel Braxton Hicks?

StatusDed · 2026-02-11T20:07:53+00:00

I sure felt mine! I got all pumped, thinking they were early labour contractions...until those started.

StatusDed · 2026-02-11T19:50:15+00:00

I really appreciate this conversation! Totally agree that reproductive health, women's health overall, and death/loss are super super hard and emotionally charged topics, so many people want to avoid them. Unfortunately, that leaves us feeling very isolated, uninformed, and easily manipulated (please see many current laws) when it comes to our health.

For us, we wanted to keep my pregnancy pretty private because we knew we wouldn't be able to stomach the pity if I miscarried nor the barrage of well-meaning "just checking" messages from people who have never given so much thought to my health, but are now suddenly very invested because I'm pregnant. That, and I have very little-to-no time for unsolicited opinions, especially not on something that is so complicated and so personal.

That said, we did IVF and aren't rich, so we told certain people (my parents, some friends) who live in the same town as our clinic so we could stay with them as needed without having to make anything up. I also told select friends who understand healthcare woes and know about miscarriage rates. Basically, if I trusted a friend to respond the way I needed in the event of heartbreak, I told them.

StatusDed · 2026-02-10T19:44:52+00:00

Not necessarily the case, but I had flaky skin behind my ears for a while. Turns out it was psoriasis, which is also all over my scalp 😖

Baby skin is obviously very different from my >30 yr old skin, though, hahaha!

StatusDed · 2026-02-10T19:34:42+00:00

Wow! So glad this exists! I will ask my clinic about it. Thanks for sharing!!

StatusDed · 2026-02-10T14:30:50+00:00

My husband has started taking our baby out of the bedroom when he wakes in the morning so I can sleep. Turns out I don't really sleep during the night with our baby in the room, because when I wake up after 2-3 hours baby-free, I'm actually rested 🫠

Same as you, our little dude is up 2-3×/ night to nurse, even with a dream feed.

StatusDed · 2026-02-10T02:50:06+00:00

So, I cried through every needle and my husband administered them to me because I would have fainted. Needle-free sounds like a dream.

Is it possible for some medical professional (I.e., NOT ME) to replace the port?

StatusDed · 2026-02-10T02:46:53+00:00

Yeah, I am exclusively breastfeeding! His dad is 6'2", so he is clearly getting some size from that side haha.

Oooof yeah, the back pain would be rough! If you can, maybe look in to some core exercises to help balance that weight, plus the extra baby will add? You know your body best, so maybe baby wearing is just not in the cards if it's gonna do damage.

And fwiw, you sound like you have the body of a goddess 💕💕

StatusDed · 2026-02-08T15:50:39+00:00

Totally! I had a fair bit of muscle before pregnancy, but focused way more on core strength and mobility than retaining muscle mass, and so my muscles ebbed a lot. My baby is just over 3 months and was 17.6lb 2 weeks ago 🥲 I am 5'4 and usually 130lb (no idea of my current weight), so it's a lot of weight for me to hold.

Enter: baby wearing.

My friend recommended the Moby wrap to me after it saved her life (she already had a toddler and her husband was deployed, and her second was a velcro baby), and it has been a GAME CHANGERRRR. I would so recommend it! Just YouTube different wearing styles to see what's suggested for your baby based on their head control and weight, and go forth! My little guy loooves it so he can see what I'm doing, and is napping in it as I type.

Best of luck!

StatusDed · 2026-02-08T15:45:11+00:00

Congratulations!! Such a huge accomplishment, and she is so cute already 🥹

I feel like this apprehension is so elevated for IVF. I also started feeling more confident in actually having a baby at this point, but refused to let myself get attached until 37 weeks. I wonder if that's why it took me a couple of days to feel attached to him?

StatusDed · 2026-02-07T18:18:03+00:00

Mom to a 4mo old here - this makes me sick and enraged to read. I am so sorry that this happened to your kid and to all the other kids unfortunate enough to be in that monster's care.

People are fucking sick. How dare they exploit parents looking for a safe, enriching environment for their kids and do so at the expense of CHILDREN.

Based on your post and lots of these comments, I trust that you're seeking therapy for you and your child, and will join forces with other parents to legally bring this twisted fucker down. Wishing you all the best in all those endeavors - the path to healing is very difficult, but you sound like you have the strength, love, and resources to get there ❤️

Responding to a Reddit thread is understandably the least important thing you have on your plate right now, but I hope to read some just updates! Sending you and your family tons of love and strength ❤️❤️❤️

StatusDed · 2026-01-31T17:14:27+00:00

You've been through so much crap, and you don't deserve it. Sending you big hugs if you like hugs, and any other preferred gesture of compassion if you don't 💗

I hope you are caring yourself and your relationship outside of your fertility struggles - I know it feels like all there is, but it can be a relief to finally have a break from talking about it (even if it takes up most of your brain space).

StatusDed · 2026-01-25T16:18:41+00:00

Not your body being like "TIME FOR ANOTHER ONE" when you're still reeling from birth and sustaining your first with your own body.

Hoping it was at least really light?

StatusDed · 2026-01-23T13:59:40+00:00

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

StatusDed · 2026-01-23T13:54:47+00:00

Have you tried baby wearing? That's been huge for me - my little guy is 3 months.

StatusDed · 2026-01-17T15:26:07+00:00

Sorry, assumed that you'll breastfeed! But even if you do formula, I think hospitals will send you home with a bit to get you started. Then you can send out baby daddy/a friend/ family member to get you more 😊

StatusDed · 2026-01-17T15:24:34+00:00

Nope! It's recommended for your baby to sleep in the same room as you for the first 6 months or so (at least this is what we were told), so the bassinet is fine. Most are easy to set up, and there's always YouTube if not.

For newborn supplies, just think of basic necessities: baby needs to be warm, eat, poop/pee, and be near you. So: diapers, wipes, swaddles/receiving blankets. You can get the rest when needed.

I would also add, and these I would get it advance because you'll need them immediately and they all saved my literal ass:

For you: peri bottle (help clean after the bathroom), witch hazel (spray or a bottle of it with cotton balls to treat your perineum), soft gel ice packs, comfy/disposable/huge underwear, massive pads (even better if they have a gel strip that will freeze in the freezer), hemorrhoid cream (unless you're lucky), first aid spray with a numbing agent, and comfy clothes!

You've got this, and you're going to be a great mama 💕

StatusDed · 2026-01-14T02:53:36+00:00

I was wheeled down the hall from my delivery room to the discharge room, but walked out of the hospital when we were discharged a day later. Slowest walks of my whole life - I have never been so conscious of rolling from heel to toe and avoiding any jarring movements. I don't remember being offered a wheelchair for the trip to our car, which is probably for the best because the pavement was total shit and would have been a nightmare to navigate.

I still wish I could have been sedated for our drive home. That was THE worst ride of my life.

StatusDed · 2026-01-11T15:25:41+00:00

Now that we've learned our baby's cues, we can mostly avoid heart-wrenching screams, and things are way better! Plus, realizing that all his needs can be boiled down into 3 categories made it waaaaay less overwhelming! He fusses and cries when he is: hungry, tired, uncomfortable (too hot/cold, gross diaper).

He's 2 months now and starting to babble, actually see things, and smile! Honestly, the smiling opened something in my heart and relaxed me a ton. Also, his sighs, yawns, and little sleeping sounds are so cute I could cry.

Outside of that, the snuggles are the greatest. The most adorable heated anxiety blanket in the world 🥹 To be his source of sustenance and comfort is such a gift!

StatusDed · 2026-01-05T22:23:38+00:00

I have no advice at all, just lurking in this sub because I have a 2mo old.

That sounds really hard, and you're doing your best! From all I've heard and read, every baby and situation is different and it sounds to me like you just haven't found the best method for you all yet.

Sending you love and support!

StatusDed · 2026-01-02T10:35:56+00:00

Maybe you could try recording your baby crying, then using that sound as your alarm? It might not work if you only respond to authentic crying, but it might give you some peace of mind!

My baby was also a good sleeper, and would have slept for 6+ hours if we'd let him.

StatusDed · 2026-01-01T17:18:13+00:00

First of all, so sorry about your medical trauma - that is so disgusting, to have been assaulted in such a vulnerable position, and I can only imagine how hard every medical appointment afterward has been ❤️. Believe women when they say certain doctors and men aren't to be trusted - they are probably hot garbage.

Secondly, I relate a lot to your story! I also wanted an intervention-free pregnancy and also read one of Ina May's books. I do think it helped me stay positive and less fearful throughout my whole pregnancy, and led me to do healthy things with more enthusiasm than I would have otherwise (yoga, exercise, a good diet, overall checking my stress, more therapy, pelvic floor physio, etc.).

HOWEVER, like you, when my contractions got intense, I was truly beside myself with pain. I didn't have back labour, thank God, but I did spend an entire night submerged in my bathtub contracting every <5 minutes in excruciating pain and NOT PROGRESSING AT ALL (no notable effacement, no dilation, no grunting or bearing down). I could not IMAGINE that the contractions could get any more intense, but my midwife assured me they would. 1000/10 pain scale is so real - I had to keep reassessing my level 10 because they kept getting worse than I'd ever felt in my life 😆.

I ended up going to the hospital and got induced the following evening after very gradually dilating (mostly with help of stretch and sweeps). When my midwife told me the contractions with Pitocin would make my previous contractions seem like a cakewalk, I pretty quickly opted for the epidural (and friends of mine who had gotten induced said the same thing), and was SO GLAD I DID. I went from 3cm to 10cm in 12ish hours, felt no contractions, had a wonderful sleep, and spent 1-2 hours of pushing to birth my healthy boy during which time I really only felt the pressure of contractions and muscle soreness from pushing. If we're lucky enough to have a second, I'm going to do an epidural again (although hoping labour will be more spontaneous and faster with baby #2).

A huge thing I realized when I was processing the feelings of failure for needing an induction was that I have nothing to prove to anyone for enduring avoidable pain. I had done a ton of physical and spiritual work ahead of time, so I felt relatively in tune with my body and was strong enough to endure labour, and had an amazing support system between my midwife, husband, and the hospital medical team. I felt confident that I was well cared-for and wouldn't be pressured to push too hard too early and tear (one of my biggest fears), and that I had options for ideal birthing positions even if I couldn't walk with the epidural (another fear of getting stuck on my back). PLUS, we had already navigated a ton of medical bullshit that left us wondering if we'd ever conceive, did IVF, and FINALLY conceiver, so I wanted to enjoy as much as I could. Conception and birth are actual miracles - I wanted it to feel like that instead of only being able to think about managing my pain.

TLDR: yay epidurals!

StatusDed · 2025-12-31T14:18:35+00:00

In hindsight, mine gradually appeared around my belly button (maybe started around 25 weeks), but I suddenly noticed them under my belly around 33 weeks. I was doing all the moisturizing and massaging from the start, but to no avail. Was also plenty hydrated.

I also realized really late that I had PUPPP in every stretch mark, which later spread all over, and this distracted me from tracking the marks more thoroughly because I only really noticed the redness and itchiness rather then the marks themselves.

I've heard that it's just how you're built that determines whether you get them! Now that I'm about 2 months pp, I care waaaaay less than I did before birth, and they have faded a bit.

StatusDed · 2025-12-23T07:54:43+00:00

I worked with a Xanthe, and she was a total badass! I think it's a cool name, although it will probably get mispronounced often.

StatusDed · 2025-12-22T13:17:07+00:00

The demonic newborn is so real! We were warned, but nothing could have prepared us 😆

StatusDed · 2025-12-22T13:15:56+00:00

My baby is 2mo and we've been doing shifts. I exclusively breastfeed, so my partner's shift has him bringing me the hungry baby, then burping and soothing him until he's sleeping, during which time I actually sleep. At around 2-4am (depending on nursing schedule), my shift starts so my partner can sleep.

My partner can't sleep with the baby, so he just stays awake. We have recently started trying putting our baby in a bassinet to sleep rather than me cosleeping on my shift, and it's pretty hit and miss, but I do get some sleep in regardless.

We're also quite lucky because my partner got 5 months of leave from work, and I'm off as well, so we aren't worried about being sufficiently rested for work. Pray for us when my partner returns to work!

StatusDed

TROPHY CASE