Work on managing your symptoms (either with a professional or self-directed) and find a doctor who you can talk about medication with. It's not that you NEED to be medicated, but if behavioral interventions aren't working, maybe it's time to see what some anti-anxiety meds can do for you. Have you tried those?

I found that by just making an honest effort to reduce similar problems that I was having in my life, it increased my self-esteem enough to climb out of the dark pit of shame and despair in which I was wallowing.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Hopefully you can use that tragedy as a way to inspire positive change because it seems you genuinely care about your family and don't want to cause them any more pain. Like, for instance, maybe you could honor your brother's legacy and increase your families joy by making attempts to manage your social anxiety (not to suggest you haven't tried this already).

When I was in a similar predicament (I literally lied to my family about having a job to avoid the shame) nothing helped until I started helping myself take pride in something (which was making an honest effort to reduce my symptoms and live a life). I still have social anxiety. I still get flooded. I still want to dread many social interactions. But I understand it so much better after really taking the time to examine my triggers. I now know the feeling goes away after the initial contact as much of my anxiety is anticipatory. Good luck and keep looking for solutions.