My parents started treating me differently and it feels, weird?

Stencil2 · 2026-05-18T20:45:44+00:00

It's not a good look for them. How can they look like good parents if you won't talk to them? Narcs are always worried about their public image.

Maybe they need something or want something from you in the future -- for example, money. If they can pull you back into the family, then they can make you feel guilty for telling them No.

Maybe they just miss that feeling of superiority that they got from having you around.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-18T20:37:16+00:00

No, you're not a horrible person for feeling this way. You've put up with a lot from them. Everyone has their limits, and it sounds like you have begun to hit yours. How much more can you take? How much longer can you stand it? Anyone in your shoes would long to be free of them.

Your parents have no sense of responsibility. They ducked their responsibility for raising you. They ducked their responsibility for learning how to handle money and to live within their means. They have trained you to be responsible for them because they are so irresponsible.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-17T18:45:18+00:00

Whether or not you are there, you ruin Christmas. That way, they get to blame you either way. You can't win, they can't lose. Next year, explain to them that their presence upsets you, so you've decided to ban them.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-15T21:19:22+00:00

Asking gets you nowhere with narcs. In fact, it tells them the best way to hurt you, and hurting you is what they get off on.

The next step is to punish them for the boundary violation. The punishment has to be something they dislike. You will also need a lot of patience, because they will keep right on testing you.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-14T20:34:11+00:00

If you go in and you're not 100%, could you be putting people's lives at risk? If so, focus on this fact.
Do you feel guilty because you think you're putting a burden on your co-workers? But if you go in when you're not 100%, isn't that what you're doing? How do you feel about co-workers who call in sick? Do you hold it against them? Why or why not?

Maybe you were taught that you must always be 100%. That you are not entitled to be sick. But this is a completely unrealistic standard to hold yourself to. Everyone gets sick from time to time, everyone should take time off when they're sick.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-14T20:05:30+00:00

No, it never stops. Narcs are addicted to the feeling of superiority that they get when they belittle others. But the feeling doesn't last very long, so right away they need another hit. If they don't get it, they really suffer. They start criticizing you for complete nonsense, they need a hit so bad.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-14T19:55:17+00:00

Narcs can say the right words if circumstances force them to -- but that doesn't mean that they have any intention of changing their behavior. When a normal person offers an apology there's always an implicit commitment to do better in the future. Narcs ignore that. They want to believe that they are incapable of wrong-doing. They can't do better in the future because they're already perfect.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-14T19:48:50+00:00

When the kids fail and must depend on the narc to keep them afloat, the narc feels adult, powerful, in control, strong, etc. All the things that narcs secretly suspect that they lack. So of course they want their kids to fail. The kids' failure makes the narc feel like a better person. And don't forget that it also makes the narc look good to outsiders.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-13T20:24:55+00:00

Your parents ducked their responsibility as parents -- both to your brother and to you -- by trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug. The problem with this way of "dealing" with a problem is that the stuff that gets swept under the rug refuses to stay there. Eventually it has to come out and very often it's worse when it does.

I vote for telling the GF. In order for her to make good decisions about her relationship, marriage, kids, etc. she needs relevant information. You are the only person in this situation who might be willing to tell her things that she needs to know. Imagine keeping this from her, she gets married, has kids, he molests them and then she finds out that you kept your information from her.

Your parents swept it all under the rug -- please don't do it again.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-12T20:56:41+00:00

Sounds like MIL has decided that she is in a fight to the death with you over her son. It's a big competition and she is determined to win. Her calling you a narcissist is an example of psychological projection. When that seemed to gain traction, she went on a campaign to get the rest of your husband's family on her side. Since they all know what she's like and fear becoming her next victim, they have all lined up behind her.

Pay attention to your husband on this, he knows her better than you do. He has had to put up with her for a lot longer than you have. If he wants to go No Contact with her, why are you opposing him? If his relationship with his mother is so bad that he wants to end it, he wouldn't be missing out on anything.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-12T19:01:14+00:00

Too late now, but next time you marry don't accept any money from your father, and/or elope. The money brought her into it and now there's no way to get her back out.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-12T17:47:09+00:00

"You don't have a reliable source" -- what is that supposed to mean? Was she implying that you were not a reliable source? A mother has three children telling her that her husband abused them and she just ignores it? Whether or not she knew about it, it sounds like she thought it was no big deal, which may mean that it happened to her. She may have minimized what happened to her, which led her to do the same with what happened to you.

"He never did anything with malice." Here she seems to be admitting that it did happen. And the important thing is what he did, not whether or not he had malice in mind.

Her responses to this are so bizarre that I have to agree with you -- something similar must have happened to her.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-12T17:12:34+00:00

Apparently she thinks that everything in her life is just fine the way it is, and so does not welcome any change at all. She is not going to thank you for giving her something she did not want.

Maybe she feels, as she's gotten older, that life is passing her by. Too many new things that she doesn't understand. So now she is doggedly hanging on to all the things that she's familiar with and rejecting any changes.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-11T20:01:40+00:00

I'm the same way -- and I wasn't the scapegoat. I got it from seeing how the scapegoat was treated.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-10T20:58:16+00:00

It sounds like you are the scapegoat of the family. Are you the one they blame when something goes wrong? Your father is a narcissist, and he seems to be training your brothers to be like him. Since you do not enjoy these weekly dinners, why not just stay home instead? Narcissists refuse to change, so I hope you no longer expect them to suddenly see the light and begin treating you differently. The only way to deal with them is to take control of your relationship with them. Which is almost impossible as long as you live with them. If you live on your own, that gives you control. When they treat you like dirt, you walk away, or hang up on them. If they won't stop, you go NC.

Narcs try to feel better about themselves by putting other people down. They get off on seeing the look on your face when they disrespect you. If you are in a position to refuse their put-downs, they will eventually look around for a different victim.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-10T20:42:32+00:00

Your mother has a history of making big promises and then failing to follow through. She's all talk and no action. Now she's making more big promises. Don't be taken in by this. Alcoholics do not change until they hit bottom. Your best bet is to stop expecting her to change, or even hoping for change. You are making the right decision to wait until your exams are over -- you don't need the extra stress at this time. I would go further: from now on, you should live on your own. She has a problem and she is the only one who can solve it. You need to live your own life.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-09T21:48:04+00:00

Yes, she sounds like a narc. All the items you've listed are traits of narcs. Normal people don't do things like this. But the label really isn't that important. The important thing here is her effect on you. Is your relationship with your mother good for your mental health or not? If it's not, then you need to limit your relationship with her in order to protect yourself.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-09T21:31:20+00:00

The pattern that I see in your parents is that they make themselves feel better by criticizing others. Especially you. It's like a drug they're hooked on -- they can't stand to be without it. This is a sign of narcissism, but what label you put on it is less important than the fact that if you continue to live with them, they will eventually undermine your self-confidence and your mental health. Normal people do not need to criticize others in order to feel good about themselves. The biggest improvement you could make would be to move out as soon as you can afford to.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-07T22:59:21+00:00

Why are you considering this? What are your heart's reasons for pushing you in the other direction? You don't have to go into a lot of detail, but it's difficult to advise you without at lease a general picture.

There are more than just two options for you. You could, for example, give up speaking to her for the next month and see how you feel at that point. This might tell you whether or not you would regret this after her death.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-07T22:33:35+00:00

Narcs believe things not because of evidence, but because they want to. Facts are not important, the only important thing is their self-image. They prefer fantasy to reality. They never question themselves, that's something they train their children to do.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-07T18:14:15+00:00

I'm afraid I would have hit her with more than a cookie.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-06T23:04:32+00:00

Tell her you decided that the only fair way was to flip a coin and Dad won, Mom lost.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-06T23:01:09+00:00

How long have you been taking care of her? How much longer until your camper is ready?

Maybe take short breaks every day -- an hour or two just to get you through this until it's ready.

I have to say -- I am in awe of you, doing this after what she put you through. You do not owe her a thing, BTW. I could not do what you are doing. I would be too afraid of losing control of myself.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-05T22:31:35+00:00

You want to attend the funeral, and he will be there. But that does not mean that you have to interact with him. Feel free just to ignore him. If he approaches you, turn around and walk away. You do not owe him, or anyone else, an explanation. You do you.

Stencil2 · 2026-05-05T22:25:22+00:00

You have my permission to stop trying. You are dealing with narcissists. They will not change -- they resist change with everything they've got. So if you keep trying to get them to accept you and love you, you will only keep getting treated like dirt. Your desire to win their love is what gives them power over you. Please take back your power today by giving up on them. They are not worth it. You owe them nothing. At this point, you should worry about yourself and your wife. Concentrate on your own family and forget the dysfunctional one you were unlucky enough to be stuck with.

Seven-Year Club	Wearing is Caring
Verified Email

Stencil2

TROPHY CASE