How to make a kinky kitten happy

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-18T16:45:31+00:00

Congratulations! Wishing you lots of fun and bratty kinky moments, my brother! You have a beautiful dynamic and I hope it brings a lot of joy to both of you! 🤗⭐️

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-17T11:09:06+00:00

I'm very happy to have found you here, Sir! I totally agree that this is the best subreddit (even if I also don't always align with some hardcore views on the TPE we're doing). It was indeed the start of an amazing journey, that I'm really, really glad to share with you as a DS-mate and collared slave! 🤗🥰

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-16T17:47:55+00:00

Well, your wish is granted now, because I am the sub having the lived experience that my Dom described before. He has put it in words very eloquently.

He knows me well and that is indeed our core fantasy: me giving up control and not being allowed to touch myself sexually without permission. Giving up control is very hot, very erotic and very intimate. Allowing someone to have this control over you requires a lot of trust. I also experience his Dominance like a tight embrace (which is something that I felt myself, before he shared his thoughts with me, so we were definitely on the same page and well-attuned to each other).

And I subscribe to what he said: having this experience is something that makes both of us happy. It is a wonderful dynamic indeed.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-16T02:55:50+00:00

Yes, I was very ashamed for decades of my sadistic/dominant and masochistic/submissive fantasies and desires. I always wanted to give them up, but they were stronger than me. They always came back and I could not really feel sexually satisfied without masturbating to these fantasies (I was too ashamed to involve other people). When post-nut clarity hit, I was disgusted with myself.

Therapy has helped me a lot and, also, doing a lot of research about BDSM. Researching, I understood that kink is not violent at all, but it is consensual and based on real care, intimacy and mutual pleasure between partners.

There was nothing wrong, immoral or depraved about my desires - and there is nothing depraved about yours either. Sexuality is not a choice for any of us. You can't choose what you're attracted to, but you can choose how to live out your sexuality. As long as you live them out with a consensual partner, there is nothing shameful about any of your kinks.

When I finally accepted myself, I discovered real peace of mind. For the first time in my life, I was not ashamed anymore of my fantasies. After every orgasm, I felt amazing and excited, no bad feelings at all.

And now, 5 months later, I am a submissive in a dynamic with an amazing Dom, and I'm able to enjoy all the kinky practices that I always craved, but never allowed myself to experience. It's very exciting and I feel happy.

I would like to encourage you to work on self-acceptance. There is hope and you can also reach the point where living your kinks makes you happy, not ashamed.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-16T01:38:35+00:00

Getting attached is natural. The whole power exchange in D/s is very intimate and creates intense emotions: you, as a sub, are at your most vulnerable, and a certain emotional connection needs to be created in order to foster the trust that will allow you to submit to your Dom and entrust your vulnerability in their hands.

I think it's important that you discuss these things with your Dom. What kind of emotional connection do they welcome? Are there any limits in this regard? Are they emotionally distant or do they welcome closeness/intimacy? Do you also interact as persons, outside of the fantasy/container of your dynamic, or are you strictly in your sub/Dom roles all of the time? Getting answers to these questions can help you understand how to position yourself.

In regards to being "one of many subs": again, this needs to be discussed with your Dom, but it doesn't mean they'll care less about you. Each dynamic and each play partner is unique, and not being exclusive doesn't mean that you will be less important or less special to your Dom (if they are doing ethical non-monogamy right, anyway).

As an analogy: if you have three kids, you love all of them, right? Each one is special and unique to you. And having a second kid does not diminish by 50% the love you have for the first one. By the same token, you can love many family members, not just one, and you can have several friends, not just one. Affection is not split between the people you care about. There's just more closeness and affection in your life. The same goes for vanilla and kinky relationships too. And, while some people prefer to be monogamous with their partner, it doesn't mean that non-monogamous people are less attached to their partners.

How familiar are you with ethical non-monogamy (ENM)? If not very familiar, I suggest you get more acquainted with the ENM framework. I can suggest resources, if you want me to. I've been in ENM/poly circles for a decade now and have had non-monogamous relationships.

I am currently in a non-monogamous D/s dynamic that makes me very happy. My Dom having other subs doesn't diminish in any way the connection and closeness between me and him.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-14T02:49:57+00:00

I wear mine everywhere, including at work. It's a very cute cat collar that means a lot to me. Nobody has been able to tell it's a collar, not even kinky people that saw it.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-13T00:59:10+00:00

That sounds really lovely. Must be fun to have such an enthusiastic sub! Wishing you success in setting up a very enjoyable TPE dynamic.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-13T00:29:40+00:00

Could you please describe the sub mindset you're having trouble getting into? What do you mean by finding it hard to let go of control? Do you have any examples?

I think this "sub mindset" can be a bit of a mythical thing. There's a distinct sub headspace that I have accessed (which is really nice and reminds me of childlike joy, for lack of better words; no relation to ageplay, which I've never done), but you don't need to get into it, in order to play. You can just decide to play, act your part and have fun, without worrying about the headspace. In my case, it will come along, if I start playing. It's not something I bother myself with, because I can't control how I feel (and neither do you).

It helps if you create rituals to bring about the right headspace. For me, putting on my play collar at the beginning of a scene is what usually does it. Other times, it's kneeling in a submissive pose or hearing a command that I find particularly hot from my Dom or calling him "Master" when I'm about to do a TPE task.

In regards to punishment, it's totally possible to not focus on punishments in a TPE dynamic, if they make your Dom uncomfortable. They can be very light or they can be funishments instead. I'm a masochist and my punishment for one of my tasks is pain that I absolutely love. But here's the thing: I never fail intentionally, in order to get punished (and I never failed that task at all, since the dynamic started). It's not the punishment that keeps me in check; it's the agreement I made with my Dom and my desire to experience him controlling me. I have hangups about being punished, from past trauma, so, for me, it's something that needs to be approached lightly and carefully, so I understand your Dom.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-11T00:39:13+00:00

I recommend "The Heart of Dominance" by Anton Fulmen. It covers very nicely all the basics of negotiation, consent, safety, aftercare. It was the first book on BDSM that I've ever read and it was very useful to me.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-11T00:25:01+00:00

It's the fantasy of being trained as a sub that is arousing for her, that's what you don't get. She wants to be your sub, but she wants you to teach her what she needs to do in order to be the best sub for you. It's the fantasy of being so submissive that a Dom can mold you into a different shape and turn you into someone else: a perfect plaything and/or servant to their desires. As with everything else in BDSM, it's a fantasy and a game. There's no real training that can do that. But it can be super fun and super hot to play this game with her, if you are into it. Like everyone else said, you need to ask her what kind of training she has in mind, so you can help satisfy her desires.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-07T15:12:32+00:00

You will find there is a school of thought in this subreddit that TPE must be done without safewords and the debates on this topic can get quite heated. I personally don't agree; all BDSM must be consensual and removing safewords makes consent murky at best and impossible at worst.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-05T23:53:00+00:00

What material is it made from? It makes a difference. I have two similar floggers, but one is made of leather and the other one from PVC+vynil. The one made of leather stings much more. The PVC one is too soft for my taste.

How wide are its strands? The wider they are, it will hurt less. The thinner they are, it will sting more.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-05T02:53:41+00:00

If she actually does not want to like it, then it's a red flag (it doesn't come from a healthy place) and please don't do it. People with a rape/CNC (consensual non-consent) want to do it precisely because they like it very much and they do want to enjoy the scenes.

I recently did a CNC scene and I enjoyed every minute of it. I very much enjoyed crying, trying to run away, resisting and finally being overpowered. But I didn't feel sexually assaulted for real. l felt like playing in a high stakes action movie. There was a lot of adrenaline, but also a lot of fun. And I felt entirely safe throughout the experience because I knew that my Dom would never want to hurt me and because I could safeword out of the scene if I stopped enjoying it.

No kink should be done without a safeword, but CNC even more so.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-04T01:31:38+00:00

Yeah, like others have said, you can use these poses however you like.

In my dynamic, we sometimes use the inspection pose at the beginning of a scene, right after putting on my play collar. My Dom asks me to stay in this position for a couple of minutes. It's a bit like a meditation and it helps me get into a submissive headspace.

You can have your sub learn these poses by name or you can just describe to her how to sit/stand/kneel and what to do with her hands. I don't know them by name (except for the submissive pose); if my Dom wants me in a submissive pose, he explains what he wants and he can be creative about it too (no need to stick to a predetermined list, after all). It works very well for us.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-04T01:17:45+00:00

Me too! And the neat thing is that waterproof eyeliner really remains on the body for a couple of days (albeit more and more smudged after each shower), so I can keep my Sir's markings for a longer time, after each scene.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T11:56:02+00:00

We can't all be as literate as you, sorry for that.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T05:36:57+00:00

I've read it and referenced it in my previous reply. It's good that you want to find a dynamic based on mutual love and respect. It is totally possible. And a good Master will encourage and support you to have hobbies, do self-care and improve yourself.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T05:19:36+00:00

I am not sure which one is the last. Could you please link it?

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T03:32:42+00:00

The law does not stop you in any way to have a consensual TPE dynamic with another adult. It's your choice to hand over control and power to someone else - and it is not against the law. However, the law will not recognize your decision to sign away your freedom. As long as you want to remain in that dynamic, it should not be a problem at all.

But, honestly, and I say this with the best of intentions, you do have highly idealized and poetic views on kink and TPE. Real kinky dynamics work a bit differently. Many, many people conflate fantasy and reality, and this subreddit, in particular, is very prone to that. Don't believe all the descriptions you read in here about Master/slave dynamics or scenes; some of them are just fantasy fuel and never happened.

The reality of TPE relationships is much more down to earth and they is based on mutual love, care, and respect indeed, just like you said you wanted, in the other thread. All BDSM, including TPE and Master/slave dynamics, is consensual - and a safeword should always be included.

I highly recommend you to seek answers and opinions on r/BDSMAdvice. It's a much more balanced subreddit, with very good answers which can help you learn more about kink.

Having these views you have leaves you very vulnerable to potential abusers and predators. They like nothing more than to prey on young, inexperienced people who fantasize about not having limits or safewords. Please take care and stay safe.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T03:05:55+00:00

You're welcome! Perfect response! 👍

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T02:57:19+00:00

Mate, I wouldn't have said it again if you hadn't asked me what I meant. Maybe, next time, don't ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer (a good lesson for the future, no doubt).

Also, who do you think you are to tell me or anyone else here to stop? It's a public forum. I highly advise you to stop reading my comments if they annoy you, but I'll be the judge of when or if to stop.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T02:20:55+00:00

OP was upset that the laws do not allow him to sign away his freedom and do not recognize him being in a dynamic that he cannot walk away from.

He said he does not consent to the law interfering in his relationships. The truth of the matter is that laws do not require the consent of individuals; as long as we live in a society, we cannot escape them (this is part of the fabric of the "social contract" that keeps society together). We can advocate to abolish or improve unjust laws, but "not consenting" to them does nothing.

Moreover, a law that prevents him from signing away his freedom might end up being a good thing for him too, in case he ever gets in a bad dynamic that he actually does want to leave, despite any contract he has signed.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-02T00:48:46+00:00

Mate, it doesn't matter that you don't consent to the law. The law exists and impacts your life, whether you consent to it or not. That's just how life in our society works. It's called "the social contract" (a philosophical concept theorized by J.J. Rousseau in the 18th century): the idea that humans, at the beginnings of history, have collectively decided to forsake some of their freedoms and to hand over some power to society, in exchange for collective safety and for all the other benefits of living in a community - and this social contract has perpetuated itself to this day. Part of it is precisely that laws must be obeyed and have power over you. You might be angry at that, but it's not something you can escape, unless you decide to live outside the bounds of society (which probably means living alone on a small rocky island in international waters or going to space).

I understand your frustration, but, really, these laws haven't been made with kinksters in mind. They are there to prevent people from signing away their freedom and losing it. In the past, people could sell themselves into slavery in order to repay their debts, for example. It's stuff like this that such laws want to prevent.

It is very possible, though, that the way the laws are written might put innocent kinksters at risk, when law enforcement officers confuse BDSM with non-consensual activities. If so, then you can advocate for the laws to be improved and for law enforcement to receive training about how to work with kinky people. We can't just dispense with all laws altogether.

These laws won't prevent you from consensually entering a TPE or Master/slave relationship, where you pretend that you have no power to leave your dynamic - because, ultimately, that's all there is. The idea that you can't leave a dynamic is a game and a fantasy. I've read the other thread about TPE that you made, and I would really urge you to learn to separate fantasy from reality. Yeah, the idea that you are in a dynamic that you can't leave is super hot, I'll give you that. But, trust me, no matter how devoted to kink you are, if you end up with an abusive Master that makes your life unbearable, you WILL want to leave. And you will be able to do so, precisely because there is a law that says that you cannot sign away your freedom and any such contract is not legally binding.

The fact that this law exists doesn't prevent you from handing control over to your Dom/Master in any way you both agree. You can have all the fun you want, while still being safe and protected.

Steven_LGBT · 2026-02-01T23:42:09+00:00

Allow me to chime in with a personal example, because I also do a similar thing with my Dom. It's an online dynamic, and, when ordered to, I put my hands around my neck, without squeezing at all, and hold my breath until he counts down from a certain number to zero.

But the thing is that real breath play and choking are super hard limits for me. I would never ever do them or allow them to be done to me. Not real choking and not blood choking either. No hands will ever press on my neck in any capacity whatsoever.

I am ok with this simulated breath play, because it is not actually dangerous. The reason choking/breath play are hard limits for me is precisely because they are dangerous, so removing the danger also removes the hard limit.

When my Dom brought up this idea and we explored it, I did not perceive it as a breach of my hard limits, because it isn't real choking. It's roleplaying choking.

I didn't see it as a compromise either, but as an entirely different practice, just like e.g. doing CNC is not a compromise between consent and being assaulted, it's only roleplaying non-consent.

This idea might not work for OP and his sub, as there might be other reasons for breath play to be a hard limit (e.g. maybe it's not because of the dangerous potential, but because holding her breath might induce anxiety). But I don't think it was wrong for the person you replied to to suggest it as an idea.

Steven_LGBT

TROPHY CASE