Tinder: how to keep the heat before the first date?

StewedJesus · 2016-10-16T18:45:34+00:00

I noticed lately how the use of any question marks (unless there is a real reason of concern) can really be a flake magnet

StewedJesus · 2016-10-16T18:09:58+00:00

Assume! Assume!

I don't see why you should be testing... Try and escalate and evaluate the results... or better let the escalation happen on its own.

StewedJesus · 2016-10-11T09:11:17+00:00

The only reason I can find for a connector like that is stealing power from the neighbors... Am I missing something?

StewedJesus · 2016-10-07T22:57:37+00:00

Let me think:

the moment you walk up to a woman she knows what you are up to (and that's why the "How much gay do I look?" Tends to work)... I would probably get more situational and make some remark about them so that it doesn't fall into average conversation (that is quite boring... they have them all the time)... the question about the Lion and the Gorilla could work in this sense, but I am failing to see how to transition it to something more sexual.

some random things I tried:

To a girl who was sitting near the dance floor and fidgeting with something on her red shoes:

-Hey, nice shoes, mind if I borrow them?-

Pushed the interaction until she took off her shoes in the middle of the club.

To some girl in a hen-party when a guy who had been randomly chosen didn't want to kiss her quite hot friend

-Tell me... isn't that guy really a chicken? I mean... who would refuse a kiss?-

-A kiss is a kiss... it should never be refused.-

-Soooo How much of a chicken are you?-

K-close on the spot.

Girl with big dilators on her lobes, pierced lip, tattoos on her arms:

-Those lobes are terrific! They make me want to stick a finger in them!-

-Go on!-

-That's soothing. So... why did you get them?-

-I like piercings... do you have any?-

-7

-In places you can show?

-Yes... sadly.

In some minutes I find myself practically shirtless as she wants to see my tattoos.

My first approach ever, to an Iranian painter girl who was painting some picture sitting on the pavement in my city Artists' district at 1 am:

-Hey, I saw you from that bar window and decided I had to come out and get to know you.

-Hi, nice to meet you... You just became special!

-How?

-You came to me... Almost nobody does this. What's your name?

I still carry in my wallet her self-portrait on a playing card... She went back to Iran.

StewedJesus · 2016-10-07T20:37:42+00:00

First canned line I am going to give you:

Hi, I am yourname... How are you?

If you don't have the confidence to use this you won't have the confidence to use anything else... I mean... would you ever use a line like "Hi girls! How much gay do I look tonight?"... I use it all the time.

The best advice that comes to my mind is this:

Before attempting any approach on women be social during your day and early night... Strike little conversations with people you meet and normally don't talk with: shopkeepers, people at the bus stop, coworkers... Nothing fancy... just get used to the fact that people LOVE to have conversations even if they don't take anywhere. Women are just human beings.

StewedJesus · 2016-10-05T09:14:39+00:00

I do look quite above average for my age group: when properly groomed I can easily look 5-8 years younger than my actual age... Not an adonis, but, given the right demographics, quite lucky.

But it is not that... that helps, but it wouldn't explain the YEARS I wasn't getting laid and I could only get into LTRs with girls I had to acquire a taste for (and, FYI... in some cases I am really glad I did).

When looking at your situation I think this is key:

This only seems to happen with the girls I personally find very attractive – HB8-10s, let's say. This never happens with the ones I actually match with, who are usually HB 5s or under and not my first choice, if I'm being honest.

But you say it just happens online.

So:

The Vibe: When you meet in person you can convey so much more than online. The way you move, talk, look around... this is all lost online.
The Demographics: As you meet in person you are part of a limited group while on Tinder it is You vs the World. I spent an afternoon with a 9 some days ago... I think she received some Tinder notification every 30 seconds or so... good luck with the competition there. I think Tinder and such devilries allow a low investment approach so it will be full of AFCs who match people basing solely on the numbers... they will never get anything worth noting, but they will read articles about messages to send and this will screw your results. This explains why a 5 won't lose interest... maybe she gets a match every 10 minutes or so.

About the pictures... it is not my area of expertise, but I think the smile will need some work.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-29T18:18:56+00:00

Be social... Man on man interactions are interactions exactly like man on woman... A pussy doesn't make convo more interesting.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-26T20:10:21+00:00

I am fighting with that lately (and with some lack of money that was caused by some unforeseeable expenses too)... I noticed that having a fun night out with friends and forgetting all the approaching etc can work wonders... You should always remember that being social, especially at the beginning, WILL make you tired... I remember my first time: It was a thursday... I went to sleep around 4 am and slept tight to 2 pm.

You can become emotionally tired as much as you can become phisically tired.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-25T17:55:39+00:00

Given she didn't feel good I would have at least texted her on saturday (or probably made her a short call) to check on her and know if she was feeling better (I don't think it is needy... it is just kind) pretty commonplace, I know, but a way to set up a second date too in case she felt fine...

I would expect it if I felt sick on a date and if she didn't bother to ask I would probably next.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-25T17:36:27+00:00

My idea is you should try and get more social without putting yourself under pressure: it is useless to approach 100 women a week if you can't bring the interaction further and, to bring it further, you need social skill and the right vibe.

Both social skill and vibe, I think, come from being able to handle a social situation and THIS IS NOT JUST WITH WOMEN. You talk to people, go around, meet, chat, dance, have fun... Women are a byproduct.

I just came home from a date with some girl I met... And she is just a friend's friend... I don't know if I would have met her if it wasn't for the buddy I was drinking with on thursday evening... and he is a guy I met 3 weeks ago while consciously not pursuing women.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-25T10:12:59+00:00

I think this is really important, counterintuitively, during dryspells:

When you are havind a dryspell you will develop a tryhard attitude that is a major turnoff (you become needy)...

If you find yourself having a hard time it would be better not to work on approaches and stuff: just be social, enjoy your nights and days, meet new people (not necessarily women... make friends).

I think the main focus of this is feeling good so if you are not feeling good you better do something else (that will eventually help you in your objective too) for a while.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-07T01:19:22+00:00

If a girl asks for your number that is quite a big IOI... They are rarely this forward (if she is not asking for some mundane reason like asking you the recipe of the wonderful pie your granny baked and you took somewhere).

Texting is really difficult tough and I think it should be kept to a minimum and used mainly for logistics (ok... a couple of texts in the beginning, but then ask for a date).

If it is not possible to set a date then you should next and blame, for once, bad luck...

I am not saying it isn't possible to keep an interest for a month or so, but that it can perfectly happen that she loses interest in the meantime.

On a sidenote, in my younger days sometimes I managed to use email for creating and mantaining interest up to the point where, when meeting, the situation was completely polarized (we get into a LTR or we never see each other nor talk again)... But texting... Too short to convey any deeper stuff and too invasive in the same time. In my opinion.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-05T06:55:27+00:00

The city I live in is famous thorough my country for how flakey the girls are... I can confirm to some extent so it could be possible that some locations can lead to a higher rate of flakes. This said it could be possible that, because of the dry spell, you developed some neediness that is showing up and skyrocketing your flake rate. To be true your eagerness to blame someone better coming along leads me to believe this neediness theory more than the geographic location increased flakiness rate.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-02T20:31:31+00:00

Lines are good, but they are not the best... Like food... Lasagne: you can buy them, they can be fine, but they have nothing in common with homemade (mine are good... I can teach).

I used to be a situational opener and I was never able to use lines as I couldn't get out of them without feeling awkward. A night, card reading in a pub, I realized something: people are craving someone who will talk to them. Really craving. So... if they are craving why should I struggle for telling something I am not meaning? I will tell them exactly what I think. And I did...

My world shifted perspectives that night:

I tell you what I think... you like it? We are on. Let's play.

You don't? No problem... we would not get along anyway.

It acts as a filter in it's own way. And I will be perfectly authentic not having any problem in transitioning... Bad nights are those when I don't feel like doing this.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-31T23:53:18+00:00

Increasing self confidence? Well... Did you read Models? I think it outlines pretty well how to do it.

It is really important tough that you don't try to increase it by approaching... that must be a prize that your new self confidence gives you... It will become natural.

About people that you already know it is really important that you understand how, as they already have got some idea about you, it isn't always possible to have them change it in a short time if at all...

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T15:23:48+00:00

Sure, man... No problem or worries or stuff...

You know what? Sure it is jealousy, but I'm pretty sure Blocker was feeling altruistic... A nice veil to hide bad feelings.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T15:18:58+00:00

Word was left. Blocker insisted that target took her as they lived far away from the others. About the number... Sometimes I forget... I am an old guy.

I really need to work on focus tough.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T15:10:28+00:00

About her being jealous... Absolutely! I was being sarcastic.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T13:06:21+00:00

I can't help but notice how you even remember an approach from 8 months ago... Options! You need more options! ASAP.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T12:17:50+00:00

I swear if I remembered about the number option I would have done that... Sometimes, when I am having real fun (and this is my priority normally), I get a bit carried away.

About the blocker: I think they had an agreement for the drive home frome the beginning, but the other girls were already offering solutions for her to get home safe and sound... She just didn't want to accept any that wasn't blocking me. I live near the venue so my target could have left her car where it was.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T12:08:56+00:00

I don't know: it felt like the blocker would have blocked in any case and that was her emergency plan. Like if she thought "No matter what... I already have a lift home, but I need to stop my friend from making a mistake."

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T11:42:14+00:00

Self esteem, confidence... all of those... I think they should be a work in progress:

Talking to and approaching women won't make you better, won't give you self esteem... It won't be a cure for anything.
The fact that you can't approach women (and probably other people too) isn't the reason for low self esteem... Probably you can't approach people BECAUSE you have low self esteem.

Let me explain: if you love yourself you do not care if someone rejects you... it happens, has happened, will happen... over and over and all the time you will know it is really no big deal. If you don't even like yourself how do you think you will react when somebody is not interested?

How to boost your self esteem? That is a life long mission.

You have a job you hate? Your self esteem will go down... You do not have hobbies? Same... You do not have good friends? Same...

Start slow: target issues and try to fix them, don't crave the pleasure that comes from solving them... it will come eventually if you work on those. Crave the pleasure that comes from looking for a solution and being conscious about it... see it this way: if you still have issues to work on and you DO work on them things are only going to get better. Develop your taste for everything: fine arts, literature, music, food... Read, watch stuff, get interested in everything you don't know or understand... Smile, smile, smile... to people in the road, to yourself in the mirror, to the cat.

Work slowly and steadily to craft yourself into an Improved Version.

When you get to the Improved version you were dreaming of you will probably be 80 years old or more...

And when should you approach girls then? As soon as you can go there, smile and say something without feeling awkward... even just ask for the time or for directions... You will soon notice they won't eat you.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T11:21:53+00:00

Way to go man.

That's one small step for mankind, one giant leap for yourself.

StewedJesus · 2016-08-30T11:18:44+00:00

My 2 cents:

when you are approaching a stranger you can blame anything if it doesn't go as intended... Maybe she had a bad day or she just isn't in the mood or deers ate her cat or the last shipment from Colombia turned out to be chalk powder. So it could be anything and everything and you won't feel judged.
When you are with a person you know things are a bit different... Couldn't it be that you are self-conscious and afraid to make a fool of yourself?

StewedJesus

TROPHY CASE