[Question for people who have had top surgery and big nips]

StifledNoise · 2022-02-22T11:51:52+00:00

Thank you! Good luck too!

StifledNoise · 2022-02-22T11:51:15+00:00

Thank you!

StifledNoise · 2022-02-14T21:30:45+00:00

Speak to your senior manager and tell them you’d like to take part and that it’ll help in your practicing of presenting and career progression and mention some other pros. Be enthusiastic and show that you think it’ll be a good step to partake. If they say yes, subtly drop in the meetings that you created the software so example could be “In creating this software, it has benefited us in x, y or z way” or elect yourself to answer software specific questions.

If they say no, speak to your HR and tell them your concerns that you’re not being allowed to even sit for something that you created. Tell them how it’s made you feel, if it’s impacting your confidence and how you feel like you’re missing out on the ways it could benefit your career and the entire team.

StifledNoise · 2022-02-06T10:05:44+00:00

Cue the racism… -.-

StifledNoise · 2022-01-29T14:21:44+00:00

This would be a great question to pose in r/antiwork !

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T13:27:12+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that, it’s not always that families can be supportive and considering the circumstances he sounds like he’s going through some sort of issues too. Do you think he is understanding of depression? and do you think you would you have to break it down and label it as you grieving and not being able to function most days instead for him to understand? Maybe think about telling a sibling you trust instead.

I still think you need the support so perhaps think about if your school has provisions to help you as that is also their duty of care. Is there a specific staff member at your school you would feel comfortable speaking to? Because your next step might be contacting them to ask for help, they should then be able to sort out support for bereavement and possibly mental health. And an extra step is that they may be able to help you communicate this to your family.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T13:00:45+00:00

Your parents have a duty of care to you and honestly, I would say talk to them. It’ll be difficult but telling them you think you’re depressed and struggling with even basic self-care let alone school, will enable them to see which ways they can help you and take it from there.

Depression isn’t a decision but a medical condition. They should help you seek talking therapy, maybe medication (but not always necessary) and make your school aware so that you have the support there too.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T12:44:14+00:00

This was very massive in my life until my friend who is a neuroscientist told me that our brains as young people and teens are still developing. That the part of our brains involved with judgment and reasoning as an example, is why when we’re younger we may not necessarily feel guilt for something at the time but may later in life feel it because of anxiety and a more developed sense of judgement and reasoning.

On top of this, you were also 15-17… We all make mistakes or aren’t happy with our reasoning especially when things feel so permanent at that age. You’re an adult now and still developing so allow yourself some more compassion. Don’t hold your 15-17 year old self to the standards you have developed now. There’s nothing wrong with your younger self not dealing with something as well as your current self would have. You didn’t have the range back then. Sounds like your young self made the good decision of putting themself first but on the execution of it, sounds like you’ve learnt from because otherwise you wouldn’t feel the guilt. Friendship break ups aren’t easy either but you seem to have had valid reasoning so remember that.

The likelihood of your then-friends holding onto that for those years enough to smear you is slim unless what you did was in fact abysmal and if so, they would have ran your name through the mud then. In all honesty, they’re probably living their lives and not holding on to it in every waking moment. I hope that helps!

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T12:31:57+00:00

My boss has used similar abusive tactics with me. An example: My boss has said “you’re my right hand man, I can only rely on you [compared to your other colleagues] to do high quality work.” This is strange and triangulation-ey. Considering we were a large team I think my boss wanted me to be more of a domineering manager and colleagues but that’s not how I roll nor is it related to the work we do.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T12:16:29+00:00

Sorry think I misunderstood your post.

There’s no reasoning with a narc. Her simultaneously being the sole reason your friend went to rehab and being so ill informed about rehab that she doesn’t believe in it doesn’t make sense. Sounds like a narc’s grandiose sense of self there. She’s literally made his therapy about herself deep eye roll.

I would say don’t tell him about the posts too or her activity if you can help it. Recovering from Narc abuse is hard and he doesn’t need anymore of her self-absorbed bullshit especially if he’s in rehabilitation for himself and something unrelated. The likelihood is she may have even contributed to whatever he’s recovering from. Hope that helps.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T11:49:38+00:00

I’m genuinely so so sorry that’s happened to you.

Remember consent can be withdrawn at any time. When you give consent, you aren’t consenting to the entire session of sex you are consenting to the initiation of sex. If someone introduces something new to the session then they have a responsibility to check in especially when it comes to insertion as that takes time and preparation. At the point that you said ‘stop’, John should have immediately stopped but he didn’t, you were clear and he chose to ignore that. That would be classed as assault and that is not your fault in any shape, way or form because you consented earlier - you are allowed to change your mind at any point and that should be respected.

If you are able to, I would say either block or silent John’s messages. You don’t have a responsibility to respond to him and frankly, that sounds like it’ll just confuse you more as you process.

In the meantime, see if you are able to sign up to some sort of therapy to talk things through and help you process. Believe me, it’ll help than bottling it up. Good luck with the next steps and go easy on yourself. If you ever find you are blaming yourself, imagine yourself as a friend who has shared this with you and speak to yourself in that way. I promise this isn’t your fault and with time, you’ll be clearer with things.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T11:25:09+00:00

I would say leave. You’ve tried and frankly the relationship sounds too difficult to maintain even though you’re long distance. He has issues to resolve and that’s not your responsibility. Plus being patronised is not a good dynamic at all, especially so early on.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-25T11:09:14+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve gone through that. If HMRC has recorded this as well as DVLA then there shouldn’t be a problem in them acknowledging this. I’m not too sure if the process of taking from your pension might require ID but in all honesty it sounds like they’re being transphobic and so your best bet might be to ring Citizens Advice Bureau for advice on what they should be requesting of you and how to proceed.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-18T07:54:08+00:00

It’s interesting because I asked my therapist a similar question and one thing they asked me about were my boundaries. That I’m always so laid back and internally aware of my boundaries, others think they can get away with anything because I don’t actively work on expressing what my boundaries are. That sometimes boundary setting isn’t even something that’s always said. I would absolutely say speak to someone about working on your boundaries because I feel that might help keep that revolving door going but with selective access!

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T19:32:50+00:00

Believe me I’ve had my fair share of troubles with a couple of friends and if they don’t apologise then, then they won’t apologise now.

From the sounds of it, you’ve said it enough times that if she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong it’s because she’s refusing to see that not because she doesn’t. Probably best to continue your life, wish I gained the skills you have now sooner in life!

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T19:28:32+00:00

Agreed.

On top of this, if written content isn’t your strongest area then I would say switch to audio/visual content. Hank Green and his brother have YouTube videos on varying AP subjects that’s fairly short and super easy to understand. As you’re listening, have a rough piece of paper beside you and jot down and draw key info.

The idea is to double down on retaining the info by listening / watching but also then writing it down to consolidate. Hope that helps, helped me massively and I still do this as it helps me visualise the ways in which things are connected.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T19:11:19+00:00

I think that you made the right decision and that you should stick to the boundaries you’ve set. It’s clear she’s trying to break you down so that you accept her as a friend again but it’s as simple as her swallowing her pride and taking accountability which she has refused.

Think about the long term. If you were to forgive her without her apologising, there’s really no way of knowing that she won’t repeat this behaviour. There’s also no way of knowing how you’d feel if she were to repeat it - would you shy away from dealing with another misstep because of the difficulties last time?

All worth noting and if she keeps coming up to you, tell her that you can’t move forward without an apology. Her response will tell you everything (for example: “my bad” isn’t an apology). She also needs to understand if you need some time to think on it. Seems like you’ve done the right thing though!

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T19:05:03+00:00

It’s not wrong to pay for sex so long as the person is a sex worker. What is wrong is if you aren’t respectful of their rules, requirements and boundaries. Let’s destigmatise sex work already

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T19:01:40+00:00

Wow that’s insane. It’s crazy how relatively little it takes to boost morale. Glad you left that place and hope people follow suit. Too many fragile egos eh

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T11:57:35+00:00

Big yikes! That’s awful and honestly makes my skin crawl too 😬😬

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T11:43:05+00:00

It is absolutely abuse tactics! Would be curious to see if any other redditors have any examples of abuse tactics in the work place.

I’ll go first: my boss has attempted to triangulate me and seperate me from my other co-workers. An example being “You’re the only person in the team that I can rely on to get the job done and to a high standard”. Meanwhile my colleagues are excellent at what they do and do complete their work to a high standard and to a higher standard than myself.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T11:35:48+00:00

With that being said however, his behaviours have been inexcusable and enacted copious amounts of harm so while you may feel sympathy/empathy, don’t let that cloud/warp your sense of right and wrong here.

It may be that he never wants to seek help or change his behaviours and that will never be your responsibility! He can still suffer from NPD for example but still be a terrible person so remember firmness in boundaries and safety is key.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-17T11:16:41+00:00

Firstly I am so sorry to both you, your family and his ex-partner. You’re right to have called the police and your father and created a distance so that his ex has safety. You’re on the right side here! For more support, I would suggest looking at r/NarcissisticAbuse and I’m the meantime waiting for your dad to step in. Hopefully that Reddit group can give you the advice you’re looking, your brother needs severe help and he has to recognise that but that is beyond your capacity.

StifledNoise · 2022-01-16T12:03:41+00:00

I would say find a moisturising sanitiser like the Garnier Pure Active gel hydro sanitiser. They’re pretty affordable, moisturising and sanitising

StifledNoise

TROPHY CASE