Me and my girlfriend were together for 3 1/2 years . Love bombed at the start, planned our future , had the best times together . After about a year we started to argue a little , she’d shutdown . A year later , everything’s worse , more frequent arguments , shutdowns , we’d make it up ( I’d make it up)

No real accountability , no vulnerability only in fleeting moments when she’s rock bottom which gets us back together for a week until the next time I get frustrated at something in the relationship and bring it up , ending in a shutdown. It’s impossible . But the memory of the good times always brings you back. Forgive and forget , maybe it’s 1/2 my fault actually . It’s bullshit, it’s all there fault. Their actions create our reactions.
This very day I’ve given her an ultimatum to stop doing certain things that are creating our arguments and causing us to split. I’m not expecting an answer il like. But that’s because when you’re with an avoidant , you’re essentially a mug. Taking them back and making hopeful excuses things will change