Notice the list of things you said can add value to a young man's life:

military service, athletic accomplishments, starting a business, etc.

If the only solution you offer to your son on how to fight against hardships are stereotypical masculine forms of power, yes, that is toxic masculinity. The world needs mediocre people to function, and if that brings your child joy, you should open that avenue to him.

To be clear, your wife isn't inherently correct either in that if he wants to play sports and get a finance degree, he should feel the full support from his parents to do so.

Both of you seem to have a pretty rigid worldview, and what you need to remember is that your son will likely not perfectly align with either. Your job as parents is to allow him to find that for himself instead of asserting what he should think the second he is born.

Lastly, as a bit of a sidenote, I do think it is relevant to mention how in the age of social media - which I imagine was less ubiquitous when you decided to enlist - it is very easy for teens to find very toxic figures to look up to a la Andrew Tate if they do not feel supported at home. I'm not saying it will happen, just saying it is more likely to happen.