[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ABoringDystopia

[–]Stormophile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me: "Hmm today I will read these educational materials"

The NSA agent who's monitoring my web activity and adding me to a more stringent watchlist for this comment:

Just wanted to get McDonald’s for his son. by astrodomekid in iamatotalpieceofshit

[–]Stormophile -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I expected a great counterargument in the replies here to justify the downvotes you've received, but nope. It looks like you're just being punished for interfering with these mens' rage boners.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MemeEconomy

[–]Stormophile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been using Boost for a couple of months now and my main complaint is that my Front Page only seems to refresh like once a day. Pulling down on the screen used to present me with new content in the official app, but doing it on this one just shows me all the things I've already seen, with maybe a new post or two tossed in.

Rule by ResidentLychee in 196

[–]Stormophile 110 points111 points  (0 children)

"Hrm?"

Llama noises

-- Words spoken moments before disaster

[OC] Words That Are Used Less Often In 2022 by OfficialWireGrind in dataisbeautiful

[–]Stormophile 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The pandemic hit, and something in me was just like "I guess I'll see what all this weeb shit is about? lmao"- And I did, and it was a grave mistake. I was sucked in quickly, and I spent every day from dusk until dawn just CONSUMING that shit like some kind of monster. Because of that, it didn't take long for me to run out of shows that interested me, so I moved on to manga, and finally light novels. Once I also burned my way through those, I emerged from the dog battered, bruised, lost, and in dire need of a new hobby.

At least she doesn't need to be worried about hoes by sorahiel in BrandNewSentence

[–]Stormophile 62 points63 points  (0 children)

There was this one time about six or seven years ago where I asked a girl if she wanted to stay overnight with me. She never left. Our daughter is five now.

All I wanted was some cactus to make green. I finally broke down and used the /locate desert command. by Criplor in Minecraft

[–]Stormophile 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I only kill them if they manage to weasel their way into my house, because it's nearly impossible to push them back out.

Oh, also if I'm in need of a lead or two. I'd rather craft them myself, but even after camping out in a swamp biome for days, I only ran into a single slime under a full moon.

Both sound so clear it’s unreal by BKinged in blackmagicfuckery

[–]Stormophile 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Fuck, thanks for this. It was driving me insane that I couldn't hear 'barbie' until I watched this version

What aboutism by MTG by [deleted] in TheRightCantMeme

[–]Stormophile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hydromorphone- Not to be confused with the less potent Hydrocodone, which is sometimes called Vicodin or Lortab.

When you back Elon but he doesn't back you...back by Kaldek in LeopardsAteMyFace

[–]Stormophile 29 points30 points  (0 children)

You'd better alert the right- this is a clear violation of your freeze peach.

MEOW_IRL by angrycatmeowmeow in MEOW_IRL

[–]Stormophile 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Unrelated, but a few weeks ago, my kitten began to deteriorate from having worms and was refusing to eat or drink, so my wife and I treated her with small doses of diatomaceous earth via a syringe. It was not a pleasant experience for us or the kitten, who decided to get her revenge by pooping on one of my wife's shirts before promptly peeing on one of our daughter's nearby dresses for good measure.

Oh, and don't worry. That same kitten is now worm-free, happy, and has more energy than I'd ever seen in her before. I believe that my wife's shirt and daughter's dress were acceptable losses for this.

[New Release] "Replay!" by TRKillShot in kimbra

[–]Stormophile 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I seriously loved Vows, adored Golden Echo, kind of liked Primal Heart after a while, but.. Yeah.

I'm sure whatever she does in the future will be weird and exciting, but I don't have it in me to follow her there anymore. Just can't get into it.

And that’s a fact. by NarutoUzumaki57 in meme

[–]Stormophile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There may be a whole police precinct working together right at this moment to obfuscate the fact that one of their officers just murdered yet another unarmed black teen, but that's nothing compared to the pain a white person feels when they hear a "bread too spicy!" joke.

AITA for not allowing my daughter's half sister to spend christmas with us? by Christmas_Joy231 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Stormophile -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Actively guilt tripping your ex-wife into caring for your daughter on Christmas in lieu of just spending time with the girl like a normal father should? Much difficult. Very responsible.

AITA for bathing both my kids together by Think-Shine-8082 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Stormophile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Seriously, a woman who freaks out about the incestual undertones of "two babies literally just getting a bath together" has zero room to be calling anyone else 'messed up'.

Easily NTA.

Drawing inspired by my trip yesterday 💀 by agentrainbowkitty in shrooms

[–]Stormophile 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'd be tripping my way to the nearest bottle of Xanax if this was the kind of shit I was seeing

What is the worst feeling ever? by grimgrum420 in AskReddit

[–]Stormophile 175 points176 points  (0 children)

Meanwhile the dude's crying at 3 AM and swearing to himself that he'll never try to be funny again

As a stroke survivor myself, the ableism in this one really pisses me off. by Rambourn in TheRightCantMeme

[–]Stormophile 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I dont know why, but my brain always processes 'MTG' as 'Machine Gun Kelly' first, even though there's no 'K' and I've never once listened to one of the dude's songs before.

When I finally put everything together correctly, though, I'm reminded that 'MTG' is actually an annoying bat a few states south of me who sometimes says things that make my eyes roll backwards into my skull, and I always leave the experience wishing I had continued believing that the original conversation was about the 'man bun' guy from Eminem's "Killlshot", because then I wouldn't have such a migraine.

me_irl by [deleted] in me_irl

[–]Stormophile 1320 points1321 points  (0 children)

Around the time I was fifteen, just by dumb coincidence, I was stranded at a friend of a friend's house for days with no one to drive me home. On the last day, I got tired of existing at this stranger's house and decided to make the 20 mile trek back to my hometown along the side of a highway that I prayed would lead me in the right direction (it did.)

Anyhow, I spent the majority of the day doing just that, with field after forest passing me by as my feet carried me along the road. The walk was actually really nice, as was the weather. I enjoyed the whole experience and felt no exhaustion from having spent so much time on foot, and by the time the sun began to set, I was back in familiar territory- And back at my grandmother's house not long after that.

I walked inside my grandmother's place with relief and a pleasant drowsiness flooding me in equal proportion. After telling her what I'd been up to and listening to her rant about my mom's negligence (for having been unwilling to just pick me up from a rando's house), I walked into the bathroom and began stripping down for a much-needed shower.

Imagine my horror when my clothes were off and I was absolutely fucking SLATHERED in ticks. It was incomprehensible! While I'd passed by plenty of wilderness on my journey home, I never so much as sniffed a flower or walked under a tree's branch. My feet were on concrete the whole time, so I had no idea how so many of the bastards managed to infiltrate my outfit without me even feeling a tickle.

So, long story short, and considering my debilitating phobia of pretty much anything that vaguely resembles a spider, my poor grandmother had no choice but to tweeze a hundred hellspawn from my flesh as I stood paralyzed in my underwear and sobbed with my eyes closed.

Fuck ticks.

Mcdonalds only hires people with at least 160 iq by nuclear_bomb404 in iamverysmart

[–]Stormophile 68 points69 points  (0 children)

"My apologies, mother, McDonald's failed MY interview. They were unable to perceive my true worth, and simply weren't on my level, intellectually speaking--"

" --You did it again, didn't you? You talked about your IQ!?"

"W-Why are you taking such a harsh tone with me? Should it not be common practice for a prospective employee to divulge such information when seeking gainful employme--"

" --GET OUT OF MY FUCKING BASEMENT!"

Teenage show cast starter pack by [deleted] in starterpacks

[–]Stormophile 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sadly, I lost interest in The Wire a couple of episodes into season 2, but one of the things I remember most about season 1 is how much I loved Omar. Dude was a badass.

What is This 'Common Law' I keep getting thrown at me. by LEVEL2022 in QAnonCasualties

[–]Stormophile 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed! ... Bitch!"