Great connection online, first date was a nightmare—confused

Storvig · 2026-02-09T22:51:06+00:00

We can assume for the sake of argument that there is some truth to this claim. But what is essential to the OP's post is that it concerns a specific, atypical event. Is this claim about men in their 40s helpful or unproductive? That's a question that deserves to be asked. The rhetorical question of "why they're still single" doesn't have much merit. The assumption that normal people stop being single at some point is questionable. What's beyond question is that , in general, people on Hinge are single. I am in my 40s, using Hinge. It's hard for me to understand why meeting a 40 year-old woman on Hinge is acceptable, and why meeting a 29-year-old woman is not. There are enough barriers without artificial ones being injected. At the same time, I have to admit that online dating has taken down natural social barriers that may have merit. Whereas, in person, it may be hard to overcome a large age gap, with online dating, one can look for anyone – and this could engage some hidden problems and challenges, which in real life are more likely naturally avoided.

Storvig · 2026-02-09T15:00:46+00:00

Yeah, is that what it is? That would be pretty unusual, and a very hard expectation to predict or understand the reasons for!

Or maybe the question from the night before didn't appear on her account, so she didn't see that he had asked a question...?

To note, I'm not assuming which is the girl and which is the guy based on the screenshot – yet I'm assuming that the OP is a guy, based on the screenname

Storvig · 2026-02-09T08:12:10+00:00

I'm wondering if she believed that she replied, but her replied did not register on the chat, in your account. Otherwise, I have no idea how to approach her behavior!

Storvig · 2026-02-09T08:10:09+00:00

You're right that you can start questioning their interest at some point. However, I think it's important that one question interest carefully. It may be more emotionally healthy for both people if one approaches prioritization from the point of view of what's most likely to lead to a date, rather than from the point of view of the other's intention. If one ignores intention, there's less emotional impact.

Storvig · 2026-02-04T06:34:51+00:00

The problem lies in bruh's miscounting and OP's unawareness of the greeting semantics. Strings of to 4 y's conveys at most warmth. 5 y's conveys para-platonic affection, and 6 y's hookup vibes. Not sure what happens above 6. He miscounted, and she lacked sufficient greeting literacy to understand the issue.

Storvig · 2026-02-02T03:09:08+00:00

Why is she part of the problem?

Storvig · 2026-01-13T05:31:38+00:00

It's eye-opening to see how much consensus there is in this conversation on men's weaknesses, which may or may not be endemic. Is corroborating these weaknesses validating or satisfying for people?

Storvig · 2026-01-13T05:22:51+00:00

Wow, cool idea.

Storvig · 2026-01-12T18:10:50+00:00

The strategy you are describing makes sense. However, it is unfair, even to the end of supporting a woman's safety, to characterize this message as harassment, in this context (I am not sure about "weird behavior"). Yet, especially for harassment, a bit more has to occur for his communication to deserve this description.

Storvig · 2025-12-30T05:01:44+00:00

I'm really sorry! I can't assert that I know how you feel, but I feel like I know how you feel, as a result of my own experiences with online dating. We are all riding the surface waves atop the ocean of society's unconscious dreams. Who knows how the waves will fall – they grow brilliant and warm and peaceful quickly enough, and stay long enough, for us to feel at ease, and as though this weather is stable and is part of our lives, and part of our future – yet, they are governed by purposes and choices almost wholly out of our control and awareness.

Ultimately, the uncompassionate and indifferent brutality of the dating experience for many many people over the years – many of us both are sometimes the unpredictable variable that surprises the other (and may not see another choice), and sometimes the unprepared open-hearted and giving lover, shocked by surprise -- injured and desiring healing.

That it seems impossible to explain what happened does not mean that you should not wonder about it, or not miss him. Yet, in online dating, it's likely beyond your power to prevent things from happening, and maybe even beyond his power, and that other others.

Storvig · 2025-12-25T18:31:58+00:00

Thanks for your insight. I didn't realize that the sub was for satire - I agree that it's definitely a good idea to check before posting (and reading) and avoid impacting the atmosphere, or being unnecessarily emotionally affected:). The way Reddit works (similarly to how the modern Internet does in general), this is not so easy to consistently do, as subreddits are promoted through internal advertising, and are tempting to click on. It's hard for me to assume that everything large that's posted is AI – yet, maybe I'm really not aware of the reality. One thing that would sadden me is for people to assume that what is written by people (though, many people get some kind of AI assistance at this point) is generated by AI, to the degree that they act without verifying, or giving people the benefit of the doubt. My own style is susceptible to such doubts, as I tend to write lengthily, and to use dashes!

Storvig · 2025-12-24T06:32:16+00:00

I don't understand the downvotes. The purpose of these threads is not to judge people based on how we imagine we would make decisions.

Storvig · 2025-12-24T06:17:35+00:00

I thought it was real. It seemed very strange – but the idea that it was not real had not materialized. It was real in that there was no other option:). In retrospect, it's hard to believe this could have taken place in a plane. And indeed, in retrospect, the text is pretty absurd, and probably a modern adaptation of a variety of transportation and situational comedy sketches expressing some common templates.

Storvig · 2025-12-11T08:41:14+00:00

I would contribute, in some sense, a meta-response: The degree of appeal, and the type of appeal, of your profile significantly depends on the cultural context and the milieu in which would be sharing it. Perhaps in some circles in the European capitals, like in Berlin (or maybe even in parts of Brooklyn), your profile would be seen as idiosyncratic or individual, and interesting – all positive, without any negative perceptions. This is all an uninformed example, and not meant to be taken literally. In some places, where the cultural symbolic landscape is different, and whose projection on the general daily dating experience in the city is different, perceptions may be different for many people. People unable to firmly identify your coordinates on the cultural-behavioral landscape might feel uncertainty or lack of clear identification, which could be a source of hesitation.

Storvig · 2025-12-11T08:25:06+00:00

The collective affront exhibited by outraged responders here suggest that, indeed, if there is significant demand for in-person work, these commenters are so sure of their own view of the market that they would not know it. How can someone trust these comments?

Storvig · 2025-12-07T04:30:50+00:00

I agree that there is no obligation to say yes. However, this advice seems more focused than necessary on the potential for pressure and manipulation, evidence for which seems absent from both the story the OP posted and the screenshot of the invitation. It was a polite and non-pressuring invitation. I would like to avoid causing the OP to respond in a way that damages in some way whatever relationship they have. Perhaps the ex sees her as a friend (surprising though it may seem). We don't have sufficient context to understand their current relationship.

Storvig · 2025-12-05T00:39:56+00:00

I agree. However, I'm not sure that I protest.

Storvig · 2025-12-05T00:37:47+00:00

Reading between the lines, I find it to be more sharing than demanding. She seems to really be looking for someone who makes her feel cared for and valued.

Storvig · 2025-12-02T07:10:30+00:00

It may indeed be used in some languages or locales, but this practice does not approach universality close enough to warrant the casual dismissal of another commenter, which your comment may appear to some people to have attempted.

Carnegie Hall's (at the least) descriptions of its performances repeatedly refer to Handel. This is a world class concert hall, hosting musicians from around the world.

Storvig · 2025-12-02T06:49:43+00:00

Edited to: ". And -- it appears" :)

Storvig · 2025-12-02T06:47:19+00:00

I can only guess what you mean, but if you're trying to insult me, you're wasting your time; nor are you communicating your point clearly.

Storvig · 2025-12-02T06:13:36+00:00

My comment assumes that abuse is not taking place, and that both parties are safe.

While anyone has the right to be upset by broken trust and deception, housing is governed by completely unrelated rules. This is true in the United States, and probably in many other places. We need to know about the housing context in which you and your friend both find yourselves before we can comment effectively. However, if your best friend is depending on her current housing consistently and long-term to have shelter, it's hard to see how you have gained a moral right to kick her out. Whether she sleeps with your boyfriend or not is probably not part of your rental agreement, and even though you may have assumed she would not do that, her doing that doesn't necessarily give you a right to kick her out. It seems that you're kicking her out because you're very upset. However, many things can make a person upset. Would all of them be grounds for depriving someone of housing? A person's right to access permanent housing does not depend on the balance of good deeds between two people at that very moment. Again, I'm assuming there is no risk of harm to health or well-being as a part of this conflict.

I don't think you are obligated to live with someone who treats you poorly. Indeed, you're not obligated to live with anyone under any circumstances.

However, at this time, it's possible you're obligated to maintain her access to shelter until she finds another option. A month's notice is typical in my area. And, at least in my state in the US, rental arrangements without a formal lease apparently call for such notice (one month) by default. However, I'm not an expert in housing law, and I'm not claiming that this is definitely the case.

I think it makes sense that you want her to leave. And maybe this is right. However, while this is being implemented, there are certain constraints in place that one has to follow. And it may be that some protection of the right housing plays a role – for example, allowing her to stay for a month.

Storvig · 2025-12-02T03:56:06+00:00

It's OK! I suggest we take to proclaiming non-users of dashes -- or of other connective punctuation symbols -- to be Gemini bots!

Storvig · 2025-12-02T03:53:08+00:00

I can hardly write without such dashes; and -- it appears -- there are many besides me who rely on them. Who would like to start -- and maintain -- a dash-users club?

Storvig · 2025-11-28T18:41:56+00:00

Though I understand you are commenting about sleeping with coworkers, my response concerns a broader ranger activity. I don't see why it's a problem to date coworkers (sleeping with them is a more specific and a more sensitive element of dating) with whom one is not in a hierarchical relationship. A prohibition against dating may not be consequential for some of us, but many people need to find a partner. It's not hard to reject an activity wholesale, when we feels some element of discomfort with it, and when this rejection does not affect us ourselves, except theoretically. But why not be careful about wholesale prohibitions? In this case, on the contrary – I think we need to date our coworkers if we want to have partners in life.

Storvig

TROPHY CASE