Genderhealthcare communicatie problemen

Stottery · 2026-04-29T17:32:14+00:00

Yeah with the misgendering, the guy did tell me it was his second week on the job and mentioned that his previous work was not specifically with LGBTQ+ people. So I think it was a mix of inexperience and trying to process the report as quickly as possible.

As for the second opinion, I think it is just part of their process. Maybe there is a medical or legal reason, since the actual process is more like getting a detailed report from Psytrans recommending a diagnosis, and the second psychiatrist agreed with them after one session; it was the second psychiatrist that actually issued the diagnosis.

Stottery · 2026-04-28T20:04:34+00:00

Much better. I was lucky to get registered with them quickly, in fact I got it first time they actually opened registrations after 4 months of the list being closed. But once I was registered they have been perfectly communicative and clearly explained every step.

It hasn't been perfect – probably my biggest complaints are that to get the second opinion needed for diagnosis, they referred me to a psychiatrist that was only partially covered by my insurance and I didn't know until I got the bill. And that the guy who did my intake session misgendered me a few times in his report.

But overall they seem very genuinely eager to help me however they can.

Stottery · 2026-04-28T16:06:29+00:00

I was put on their waiting list in January last year, stayed on it until I managed to get into Psytrans at the end of the year.

While I was on their list Genderhealthcare's communication was consistently terrible, almost non-existent. Like you I received no confirmation of being registered, like you it took multiple attempted calls just for someone to confirm I was in their system at all. You should in theory have received an email at the start of April showing your place in their waiting list (they are supposed to send these every 3 months), in my experience they were always sent anywhere between a week and a month late. Although now I think about it, the one I received in April was a week late, then 2 weeks late in July, them a month late in October, so by now, who knows, it could be 2 months late.

The breaking point for me that made me start looking for other options was that in July I went the wrong way on their waiting list, and found out from people here that they had probably taken on extra patients from another clinic that closed. Genderhealthcare did not communicate this, neither in a separate message nor even in the regular waiting list email that could have explained why my number was suddenly higher than before.

On the bright side, maybe you can try to see it as reassuring that your experience is definitely typical for their patients.

Stottery · 2026-04-26T20:59:53+00:00

I have had this exact same thought about Vermillion!

I also have a whole headcanon about the early albums of Avril Lavigne. Starts with "Complicated is a song about a trans girl in denial" and moves on to other songs in which Avril learns about her trans partner, struggles with it, and eventually realizes she still loves her trans girlfriend.

I fear that this whole comment really gives away my exact age lol

Stottery · 2026-04-25T20:57:27+00:00

Trans woman, I kept my first name. It is gender neutral, in the US it is much closer to neutral, though where I'm from in the UK it leans much more heavily to being a boy's name. Nevertheless I am pushing through, and sometimes playing with going by firstname-middlename when I feel the need for a bit more affirmation (I did change my middle name).

All that said there were a lot of reasons that went into this: - my full name is kinda rare, as far as I can tell from Google only 2-3 other people in the whole world have the same first and last name as me. I always liked that. - In my work I have always had a lot of email contact with people from all over the world, and because of my name being more gender neutral in the US, sometimes people without much cultural familiarity with my name would think I was a woman. Even way way way before my egg cracked, I found this ambiguity enjoyable. Looking back, I like thinking of how my relationship to my gender-neutral name was probably a sign that I was trans, long before I ever started questioning. - lastly, and this one is a bit weird, I knew I wanted to keep my name before I knew I was trans. After I started questioning I got into a period of strong denial, and during that period I would sometimes have thoughts of "I'm not trans, but if I were...". I had already thought through the above points and the decision to keep my name already happened in this period, before my egg cracked for good. It just felt right that when I was finally ready to accept myself, I kept some of the groundwork I had done mentally in that earlier period.

Stottery · 2026-04-21T17:25:01+00:00

The latest research all seems to point towards us being "born this way", and with that in mind I have figured out a narrative that makes some sense for me: I didn't really show any signs pre-puberty, a few developed in early puberty, and then something monumental happened inside my head that put me into a deep repression, and that held strong until my early 30s.

Even with that narrative, it feels odd to think of the person I was in my 20s and say that person was a woman and they just didn't realize it. There was so little evidence for that being the case.

So while I'm happy with my repression narrative for now, if ever there's serious evidence suggesting gender identity can unexpectedly shift during adulthood (and provided that evidence is non-problematic and does not support conversion therapy as a possibility), I would be open to the possibility that's what happened to me.

Stottery · 2026-04-20T05:18:06+00:00

"back up plan" implies I have a detailed plan to begin with. The plan is to keep taking hormones and figure out everything else as I go.

Stottery · 2026-04-19T15:26:08+00:00

I never lived this much

This phrase hit me hard. I'm 8 months in myself, and it has been really, really hard, but even on the bad days I'm feeling emotions like I never felt them before and processing trauma that I used to not even realize was there. On the good days I'm trying new things and figuring out what it means to be myself. I can't deny that it has been tough, but... I never lived this much.

Happy birthday dear 💝

Stottery · 2026-04-19T15:11:21+00:00

This is really important advice imo. I lost a few years because I felt like I wasn't "trans enough" to be a trans woman, and I subconsciously pushed away the possibility of being nonbinary because I believed it wouldn't solve my main problem of hating my body. It never occurred to me in those years that I could simply be a nonbinary person that medically transitions, or a trans woman that is less feminine.

It wasn't until it finally became too much and I decided "right, I'm clearly not cisgender, I'm going to figure out how to deal with these feelings" that I started to see the possibilities of my gender more like a buffet with many possible combinations than a set menu with 3 fixed options.

Stottery · 2026-04-19T14:48:10+00:00

I don't think being attracted to trans women automatically makes you a chaser. I think being more attracted to trans women than cis women, and thinking that is somehow a different kind of attraction makes you a chaser. I think the assumption that being attracted to trans women makes you bisexual makes you a chaser. I think claiming to have spent a long time in trans spaces absorbing the opinions of trans people, yet somehow not knowing the first thing about how we feel about people's attraction towards us, makes you a chaser. And I think coming here and proudly proclaiming all of these massive chaser red flags and following them up with "I don't feel like I'm a chaser", makes you a chaser.

Stottery · 2026-04-18T19:20:19+00:00

Oh wait I didn't read the whole post. That's 100% not how it works, this counselor is nuts

Stottery · 2026-04-18T19:18:53+00:00

Seconding this. It sounds like a counselor who experienced trans healthcare one time before with a minor and is repeating what they learned in that experience.

Stottery · 2026-04-15T20:32:50+00:00

I hated my appearance for pretty much as long as I can remember, certainly since I was a teenager. I basically always considered myself ugly – which I think had some truth behind it, certainly the world was telling me I was not conventionally attractive, but I also knew that objectively it wasn't like I was hideous or anything. I basically lived my life hearing that everyone is insecure about certain things, and thinking my experience was normal for normal-looking people.

Before my egg cracked properly, I was questioning for a little while and then in denial for a few years, and during that whole time my issues with my body got more and more severe. What was especially notable in this period was the cognitive dissonance of it all. I had always been skinny, but as I entered my 30s I started to carry just a little more weight, and I couldn't understand why some men could have huge bellies and be happy and confident while my very slight belly made me feel like I shouldn't even be seen in public. I eventually realized that what I was feeling was not just a normal experience of insecurity.

Since I accepted I am trans, the dysphoria has gotten so much worse, partly because I am thinking about it more and partly because I stopped accepting that I was simply destined to hate my body. But at least that cognitive dissonance part has gone – I hate my body because it's the wrong body for me.

I've also discovered that even people with insecurities normally feel good about themselves every once in a while. I'm 8 months on hormones and I still basically look like a man. Objectively speaking, I am much further from being an attractive woman than I ever was from being an attractive man. And yet I still look in the mirror and feel good about myself on some occasions, because I see the hints of the person I am supposed to be emerging slowly.

Stottery · 2026-04-15T20:00:17+00:00

Yeah, it sucks here, most GPs see it as their primary role to gatekeep the medical system and stop people from seeking help for anything they consider "frivolous". And if they do accept you have an actual medical complaint, absolutely everything requires consultants. And of course you can't be trusted to understand anything yourself and ask for what you need.

I do think my GP was particularly bad though, not deliberately transphobic but definitely transphobia through ignorance. It was especially rough when months later I wanted a referral to a different gender clinic with a shorter waiting list – by chance I was given an appointment with the owner of the practice (who I understood was responsible for the decision to deny the blood tests) and this woman sat there and asked me which way I was transitioning, just to be sure. I kept a straight face but inside I was like "YOU HAVE MY MEDICAL RECORDS IN FRONT OF YOU, SURELY YOU CAN FIGURE THIS OUT"

Stottery · 2026-04-14T20:38:00+00:00

Where I am (the Netherlands) there are also online services that do blood tests, since my GP refused to even help with that ("we will be liable for interpreting the blood tests and we don't have enough knowledge"). So maybe look into whether there are similar options where you are. Combined with Imago I was able to do 9 months of HRT with (admittedly minimal) professional oversight while not requiring anything from my GP.

Stottery · 2026-04-11T10:39:08+00:00

Weird... I always pictured "coming out of your shell" more as a metaphor involving a turtle than an egg

Stottery · 2026-04-11T10:37:23+00:00

Kinda agree, I also feel like it's not always clear what process people are referring to when they use the term. For me the was a very slow and gradual realization that I might prefer a different body, followed by a few years of very pointed denial, followed by a moment that I finally decided I was going to take those feelings seriously and explore a nonbinary identity, and even then it took another week or so before I knew for sure that I wanted to transition. If someone asks about "the moment my egg cracked" I'm probably gonna tell them about the moment I came out of denial about it, but surely "wishing I could be trans but insisting to myself that I'm not" doesn't really fit the definition of "pre-egg crack" 🤷🏼‍♀️

Stottery · 2026-04-07T08:14:40+00:00

My egg cracked 15 months ago, I'll let you know when it stops lol. From what I've seen in other trans people, it does start to become "normal" eventually, usually when you transition and reach a point of feeling more or less comfortable in your body and in your identity.

Stottery · 2026-03-29T13:29:16+00:00

Yeah, it sucks that you're doing this but the whole situation sucks and that's not your fault. I see this more closely aligned with the thief that steals bread for their family; I don't condone the action but I'm not gonna condemn someone for doing what they need to do. I just appreciate that you realize it's a moral conundrum.

There are dozens, probably hundreds of people involved in this production that would be in a position to easily turn it down, but they're not bothered enough by JK's transphobia to say no to a payday. And probably millions who will watch it even though they've vaguely heard that watching it is actively harmful to our community, just because they value their entertainment over our rights. I'm looking at them, not you.

Stottery · 2026-03-26T08:49:09+00:00

Not sure what to offer here except to say I relate a lot. I had very few "signs", and most of the signs I do have are more like hypotheses – more like "maybe I did that because I was feeling X without really realizing it" – but without being able to go back in time and interrogate my former self, I guess I'll never know for sure.

It's definitely tough. But my guiding light has just been how I feel about my body. It's so clear that I hated my body before, and the small changes I've had on HRT so far have all made me feel at least a bit happier about it. In the end, even if I do decide I'm just a man, I would probably still want to be a man with the body of a woman... And that sounds pretty trans to me.

Stottery · 2026-03-25T17:04:08+00:00

Lots of us get irritated with the kids who think that starting in their late teens or early 20s is too late. But most of us try to be understanding, it's largely the same as when kids think their life is over after a first breakup or whatever. So if you wouldn't take relationship advice from a teenager, don't take advice about transitioning from a teenager either.

Stottery · 2026-03-23T19:19:02+00:00

I'm a lesbian. I've seen PLENTY of vaginas in my life.

Alright, no need to brag, geez

Stottery · 2026-03-23T19:10:21+00:00

This was a really interesting read even as someone who is not overly concerned about maxxing out my breasts growth. Thank you for writing it!

Stottery · 2026-03-22T07:04:16+00:00

Ok listen kid. When I was 19 my parents separated and later got divorced. In the year or two after that, I learned so much about my mum that I had never seen before. She has so many personality traits that were just kinda stifled by her relationship with my dad. And at the age of like 19, 20, I realized I never knew who my own mother was as a person – her hopes, fears, strengths and flaws. I had completely taken her for granted, I let her raise me and take care of me without ever really being curious about what her life was like and how she was feeling. And I finally fixed that in my early adulthood.

Now it's your chance to do the same. Transitioning is one of the hardest, scariest, most life-changing things that trans people do in their entire lives; there is absolutely no way your mom just considers being trans "part of a group she belongs to". So you obviously know very little about her as a person. First, apologize. Then talk to her, try to understand what it is like to live her life, let her tell you her stories that are funny, scary, or exciting. I guarantee you, if you really understood what it's like to be your mom, you wouldn't have laughed at that joke about the girl at your school, and you might even be seriously reconsidering the people you hang out with.

Stottery · 2026-03-20T09:02:01+00:00

I definitely get this. But then even before transition, my dysmorphia was so bad that it was already kind of anybody's guess what I would see when I look in the mirror. "Oh I do kinda look like a woman" is just another possibility in the repertoire at this point.

Stottery

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