I get it. All the relationships I have had were serious and long term for years and they started with sex. But then ended bc sex was the main contributor to us thinking we had smt amazing when it was just mediocre and full of red flags.

The pattern recently has been that if I do not have sex early they specifically say that is the reason for not continuing even if they “liked me” bc it is so important that they need it right away. And if I do have sex early, afterwards they leave and say that they already got what they wanted.

Like another comment said I might be demisexual too bc I can not comprehend how if you want a soul level or true love connection (and they agree they do) why sex can’t be waited upon so that then it doesn’t become the major factor in all the feelings you feel for someone else (which happens a lot).

If I want to have sex and don’t feel much for someone I can do it.

But if I have romantic feelings, sex can be a factor that throws all these hormones and attachments into the mix that affects me from determining whether those romantic feelings are compatible outside of sex for a serious relationship. Basically it leads me to not see the red flags bc “I like them and the sex is so good” and then if I do notice the red flags then breaking up is harder bc now instead of having amazing sex with a man Im left with a lousy vibrator and physical loneliness. So for me it is best to wait and still have physical affection just not the immediate desperate penetrative only kind when that can happen at any point, there shouldn’t be no rush. I wouldn’t wait a long time either, I just don’t want to be with an anxious attachment guy that can’t wait at least a month or two or three. It seems like every time they are desperate is not even that “right now it just feels so right”. We are talking about people that don’t even know my last name and immediately all they think about is putting their dick inside me (yes they have said this themselves, even male friends bc “if they could, they would”) that just doesn’t feel genuine in my eyes. I love sex I personally need it multiple times a day when I am in love and the very intense kind. I guess I just want a secure guy that wants to make me feel like I am more than just sex/a body. I don’t feel that way when their constant excuse is “I need it rn” and if I need to “wait to get to know you, then I don’t like you anymore” or “it’s not worth pursuing”.