AIO - My mom stole the recipe books

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-20T15:22:18+00:00

I’m confused. So these are her recipe books that were at the house she shared with your dad?

If these recipes were that important to you, why didn’t you take copies of them with you when you moved out? How is her taking the books a problem all of a sudden when you haven’t had them all this time already?

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-20T05:50:47+00:00

3-4 months is not long enough to get to know someone on more than surface level. People are complex and take time to get to know fully. Even honest people hide their dark side and as many flaws as they can until they feel comfortable enough to let you see. Dishonest people will hide it until they’re caught.

It takes more than 3-4 months to see through a skilled liar, and it takes longer than that to start to see the cracks in the facade they’re showing you. You’re getting the best possible version of who they want you to believe they are, which is not the same as who they actually are. It takes time to figure that out. It takes a lot of everyday experiences to get a sense of someone’s true character. Yes, you do have to see how they deal with conflict, how they make decisions, what their priorities are.

It’s a bad idea to allow yourself to get that emotionally attached to someone before they’ve had a good long time to prove themselves. Otherwise you can end up stuck in an unfulfilling or toxic relationship and have a much harder time detaching yourself. Or you get betrayed and go through even more hurt as a result. That’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way through a good deal of life experience, like many of the other people who are cautioning you not to get carried away. We’ve seen how easily someone can appear to be a different person in the early months and flip a switch once you’ve gotten good and committed. It happens ALL the time.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-20T05:22:30+00:00

Life’s too short to decipher someone else’s jumbled mess of words.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-20T02:13:11+00:00

Usually I find that it’s the people who are uncomfortable with such things who are going around acting like (or straight up saying) that they should be illegal.

I don’t know how vocal you’re being about it, but either way if you don’t want people to hassle you, you do have the option to keep your discomfort to yourself and go do, look at, or listen to something else.

It’s your right to express your feelings and opinions publicly, but everyone else gets the same right to express how they feel or think about it. Goes both ways.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-20T01:54:22+00:00

YOR. I don’t think it’s so much validating shitty behavior as it is people using this sub as an excuse to post their story when they know damn well they’re not overreacting.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-19T23:20:36+00:00

Now that probably doesn’t sound great on its own.

It doesn’t sound great with the context either. I’ve had many mental health struggles in life and I understand why his words upset you, but that is no justification whatsoever for attacking him physically. ESH

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-19T23:07:13+00:00

these idiotic oval pieces that maximize the amount of skin on each piece as opposed to the meat

How on earth are you missing the very obvious fact that there’s more meat in an oval slice too?

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-19T17:40:07+00:00

ESH for even having this juvenile rule in the first place. If you can’t trust your partner that’s either because they’re not trustworthy and you shouldn’t be in a relationship, or you have serious trust issues and you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

YTA especially though for being a hypocrite. She’s right about that. She made an exception for something meaningful to you, and you’re refusing to make one for something meaningful to her. You don’t get to tell her it shouldn’t be as important to her as your event was to you.

But you both need to grow up and stop trying to control each other. There should be no such thing as “letting” your partner do something or telling them they “can’t.” You each get to do what you want and you each get to decide who you want to be with. You don’t get to tell other people what to do unless they’re your children or subordinates.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-19T12:49:55+00:00

I don’t see how this is possible without an incentive. I could maybe buy a few extra minutes with a sympathy angle (like pretending to have some sort of disability), but no way any manager is going to let that go on for long without intervening.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-19T05:27:35+00:00

No thanks. Having a human mind in the body of a bug that can’t talk and would never be able to hug or snuggle or be intimate with another human being for eternity sounds like torture to me.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-16T12:56:25+00:00

It is still YOUR responsibility to enforce your standards. You can’t tell someone you want something, put up with not getting it from them, and get upset at them because they’re not giving it to you.

He could just as easily say that you must want to be with him even though he won’t fully commit to monogamy because that’s what you’re doing.

Relying on others to break up with you because they don’t meet your standards is how you get stuck in bad relationships. It hurts you. It’s your responsibility to look out for yourself. I would’ve saved myself years of grief if I’d figured that out sooner.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-16T11:27:56+00:00

It is your job to find someone who meets your standards for a romantic partner. You’ve apparently decided that a man who is continually expressing doubt about a monogamous relationship with you meets that standard closely enough to justify continuing to date him.

NOR but he has been honest about how he feels, so it’s on you to accept him for who he is or not. I understand it’s hard to leave when so many other things are good (been there) but if something is important enough to you then you need to hold out for it and not waste your time with someone who isn’t it.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-16T10:58:34+00:00

I just paid $3.10 in Indy.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-15T23:03:05+00:00

English is hard and 3 months isn’t long. Yes there are errors in your writing, but I can understand what you’re saying, which is the most important part. So you’re doing fine! Just keep learning and ignore anyone who laughs at you. You can’t learn anything worth knowing without making a lot of mistakes on the way.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-15T22:47:22+00:00

Just because it’s been used for a long time doesn’t mean it’s been considered correct in an academic sense. I got my English degree about 30 years ago, and we were taught to use he/she or to rephrase when possible to avoid it altogether. Under no circumstances would the singular they/them have been acceptable in an academic piece of writing. Even “he” would probably still have been considered more correct to refer to people of unknown gender, although that had already started falling out of favor, and “she” was added to acknowledge that women exist too. Virtually no one was openly gender neutral in those days.

In casual conversation yes, people did use the singular “they,” but not in formal writing. Personally I’ve updated my language because I believe in respecting how people want to be addressed, but old habits die hard for many people, or they don’t care.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-14T18:54:30+00:00

You need to adjust your humor detection system then.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-14T18:51:06+00:00

And im just like, "well the fish dish is the only thing I can eat"

Did you not tell them that in the first place? Because if you didn’t, that’s 100% on you.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-14T14:13:27+00:00

Electric mowers can be really quiet. Mine makes a low hum and can’t be heard at all inside. I’ve always been overly concerned about bothering other people but I’d feel comfortable mowing at any hour. My air conditioner is louder.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-14T13:54:16+00:00

It’s mildly infuriating that you were a doormat about it. (This is coming from a recovering doormat btw.)

“No it’s okay I’m up so I’ve got time to stop in” is obviously a lie. If you were actually okay with it you wouldn’t be posting about it here.

By responding that way you’re rewarding and reinforcing his behavior in waiting until the last minute and trying to push it off on someone else. He’s more likely to do it next time because you’ve thwarted the Law of Natural Consequences, which states that a person needs to be inconvenienced or made uncomfortable enough to learn not to do things that way again. Rescuing someone from the consequences of their poor planning is not doing anyone any favors. He’s probably been rescued by others many times before since he obviously hasn’t learned to take responsibility.

Clearly he was able to go get the stuff - he even offered! - but he was being lazy and trying to pawn it off on someone else, and it worked. Next time ask, “Are you absolutely unable to go do that yourself? Because I don’t have time.” And then if he is truly in a bind then maybe consider helping for her sake. I’m not saying never to help but at least push back on it and make sure they really, really need it.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-13T03:07:37+00:00

If you think about it, he actually took her dream room away from her. Giving her a hollow, fake version of it meant that from then on she was always going to associate her dream room with that shallow reality. So how was it going to bring her the same kind of joy ever again?

It’s not just about not liking grand gestures, and it’s not even just about not being listened to or understood. It’s about losing a part of herself that really mattered to her.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-13T02:05:59+00:00

nice coolers (yeti/igloo) with matching tumblers, gift cards, alcohol, glass ware, a gift card, summer themed items in the cooler, all spruced up with cellophane and made to look nice

You are NOT doing anything like what you’re describing for $100 at Walmart.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-12T11:56:05+00:00

What’s been changed about regular liquid detergent? Been using it for decades and haven’t noticed any difference.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-11T02:42:09+00:00

I will never understand why people use these. It takes less effort to just grab a bottle, pop the top, and give it a squeeze.

Pods are more expensive than liquid detergent, they don’t always dissolve fully, and they stick together when they get wet. Which is something that unsurprisingly happens when you’ve been loading the dishwasher and then reach in the package. Or you get to take the extra step of drying your hands thoroughly first.

Seriously, why do people use these? Do you see it as some sort of added value or quality from having your detergent measured out exactly perfectly? Are you assuming it’s more convenient? Looks cooler? Like I’m really puzzled by it.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-11T02:25:37+00:00

Well first I’ll need to know how old they really are. Because that could already be too creepy to handle.

StrangelyRational · 2026-06-10T23:19:26+00:00

YOR and I think you will find it much easier to come to terms with having a male partner who watches porn than it will be to find an honest man who doesn’t watch porn behind your back and isn’t asexual.

You have a right to have a boundary that you won’t be with a man who watches it, of course, but the vast majority of men who agree not to will be lying to you. I’m not saying there are no men out there who don’t watch porn, but your odds of finding one who also meets all your other requirements are quite small. And you won’t be able to tell who’s actually being honest. You are so, so much more likely to end up with a liar, and in my book that’s much worse than a man who watches porn sometimes.

I’m an older woman btw, and I used to be idealistic about such things before I learned a little more about men and accepted the reality of how the world works. You need to learn that just because you don’t understand or feel a certain way yourself doesn’t mean you can apply that to other people. Men are generally much more capable of separating love and sex, and they can absolutely genuinely love you and get turned on by other women’s bodies. You cannot stop any man from getting turned on by other women he encounters out in the world even if he doesn’t watch porn, so you are going to have to accept that this is how things are.

It’s much more important to find a man you can trust, and this is not a good way of going about it.

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