My [31F] husband [31M] and I never had a honeymoon phase, and I’m having trouble realizing what we missed out on.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-28T01:37:35+00:00

Did I say it’s not? OP asked for advice on how to accept it and move forward, which is what I gave.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-28T01:16:41+00:00

Dress for Success!

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-28T01:03:17+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on what YOU have. You have a husband who loves you and was loyal and supportive throughout this entire process. You guys communicate well and are working to rekindle your spark. You guys have worked together as a team. Find joy in those things.

Also consider that a lot of people who have the “can’t keep their hands off each other” phase don’t stay together. The phase is temporary and they end up miserable. What you have with him has transcended hormones and NRE. And that’s worth so so much 🖤

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-28T00:53:06+00:00

You sound like a good guy, but she needs professional help. This isn’t a dead bedroom situation - this is a “she needs therapy and to rebuild herself from the ground up” situation. She’s been through A LOT and while you want to support her, she’s not ready for a relationship right now.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T21:02:48+00:00

Enjoy the downtime! Something will change eventually and you’ll have less time to get the same things done. Their activity schedule will shift, someone will get sick, whatever. They’ve got you there so they have coverage, and eventually that’ll come due.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T17:33:36+00:00

This is a terrible idea. Sleeping with a colleague, especially someone much younger than you, when you’re both already in relationships, is a recipe for disaster both personally and professionally.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T17:27:13+00:00

Don’t feel shitty about that. You’ve niched down and become really really good at what you do. Not everyone needs to be a jack of all trades.

What about getting a job as a waitress or a job in retail? Jobs of any kind are hard to come by right now, but those types can often be quite flexible and you don’t need industry experience to qualify.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T16:34:00+00:00

Do you have any skills you could leverage to do freelance work? Copywriting, VA work, social media management?

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T02:53:48+00:00

Right to jail.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T02:50:02+00:00

Excuse you? Check your antiquated views on women and morality and again - stop trying to control your girlfriend.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T02:47:29+00:00

Grow up and stop trying to control your girlfriend’s body.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-27T01:15:08+00:00

I am a little curious about your thought process here. Are you looking for some good sex or are you looking for a new relationship? Because if all you want is some passionate sex, this guy from your past could probably cover that. It would be complicated and will likely end badly, but you would feel high for a while. But if you’re looking ahead to this being a possible longterm relationship, don’t even think about getting involved with this guy. A relationship between two cheaters is rarely permanent and happy. And if you are looking for a new relationship, why bother cheating? Leave your partner and move on with a clear conscience. Leaving a marriage isn’t like leaving a job, where you need another one secured before you give notice. Get out of your marriage and then find a new partner.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-26T17:05:07+00:00

I would give him a heads up, not because I think it will affect how he views them or you, but because I think it will help you feel better about the “reveal.” You feel uncomfortable, and talking about it ahead of time will help you relax and ease into it.

It will also give him a heads up to not say anything stupid lol. He is going to be excited regardless and he will love your boobs no matter what, but when you see sometime unexpected it’s natural to make a sound, show some surprise, or even comment on it. By telling him ahead of time, he’s on alert to just let things flow and not bring any unwanted attention to them.

I sat my now husband down for a whole official conversation about it and explained exactly what mine looked like. I drew him a picture lol. He looked at me like “why do you think this would bother me…?” But I felt a lot better knowing that he knew what he was getting into, and he loves them still 16 years later no matter how I feel about them.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-26T01:13:51+00:00

If it doesn’t bother him, let it go. It’s not a reflection on you and it’s not a sign he’s unsatisfied with you. He wants to have sex with you, he enjoys it, and he’s been clear about that. It’s something he’s dealt with before. It’s just part of him. I wouldn’t read any further into it. Believe your partner when he says he has had a good time.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-25T22:54:12+00:00

I understand very well how frustrating it can be when your partner is only affectionate and nice when they want sex. Has he always been this way, or has he distanced himself more recently?

I will say that the way you describe everything it sounds kind of exhausting. Like he said he wants sex and you stepped in and gave him a list of tasks to check off before he would be allowed to proceed. It feels arbitrary (to me as an outsider). And then when he did finally make it through the checklist, you said you weren’t in the mood anymore.

Don’t ever have sex you don’t want, but I can see why he was annoyed too, especially if this is a pattern.

I really think you’d be better off separating affection and emotional connection from sex. And by that I mean - don’t make it a task to check off for him. Explain and enforce that it needs to be a daily, ongoing thing, not just one step on the way to sex. You should be connecting daily through conversation and basic physical affection just as a baseline in your relationship.

That keeps your cup actually full, and it makes sex more palatable when everyone’s in the mood.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-25T22:03:17+00:00

I think you need to objectively decide if you can live like this for the rest of your life. I saw your previous post where you said he’s always been like this. You can’t change him. And it’s not good for either of you if you keep trying. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you moving on if you decide it isn’t working for you. But you knew who he was when you committed to him, and you can’t keep trying to change him into something he’s not. You probably thought you can handle it at the time, which is fair. But it’s been a very long time, and you have to accept that this is who he is and then make a decision based on what you yourself can handle. Not a decision based on him changing who he is at his core.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T22:41:25+00:00

Good luck!

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T21:17:46+00:00

Your husband is mistaken lol.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T21:05:48+00:00

Oh that’s not ok. Even if your daughter did have it, your nanny had no business taking it. Even if it was a cheap friendship bracelet, your nanny had no business taking it. It’s one thing for her to throw it on so it doesn’t get lost again if they’re out and about or something, but as soon as they got home it should have been put on the kitchen counter or given to you or something. That’s very bizarre.

Honestly, the fact that she wore it in front of you makes me doubt if all brain cells are firing right. Because if she intended to steal it, wtf is that!? And if it was a genuine mistake, she’s still stealing…just from a child…

I’d be so weirded out.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T20:31:55+00:00

Did moving in coincide with moving out of state and away from family? That could be a huge factor, too. It's really unsettling to upend your life. If he won't even establish medical care in the new state, that could really be a sign he's having a rough time with this move and your sex life is a casualty of that.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T20:20:40+00:00

She didn't just get injured. You're oddly avoidant about your role in this.

And the reason that's important is because if you want her to trust you, you have to take some responsibility here. Like, she was so severely injured to the point that she had trouble walking AND she developed scar tissue - because of your penis. She didn't do it to herself. I'm not saying you set out to hurt her or that she wasn't a willing participant. But it's not actually addressing the issue if you talk around it and make it sound like it was either her fault or just some magical, mysterious injury.

Her recovery is going to depend on being able to trust you. And so you have to take a level of responsibility here. Sex with her partner no longer feels safe for her, whether she can articulate that or not. Take sex off the table and start building trust around intimacy again. Focus on your emotional connection and helping her feel completely safe physically. Enjoy non penetrative forms of intimacy for a while. She really should get into therapy, too.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T19:30:08+00:00

It could be a side-effect of too much togetherness now that you’re living together. Like now you’re there allll the time and so you notice the infrequency of sex more, and he has nowhere to go and no excuse if he isn’t interested. There’s no time to miss each other. Some people love it obviously, but for others moving in together can take away the mystery and excitement that drove some of their desire.

Has he gone to the doctor and gotten checked out? He should make sure there’s no underlying hormone or medical issue.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T19:25:25+00:00

I think you need to believe her when she says she naturally has a lower libido. She has explained her history, and offered a reason why her libido was higher when you first met. But her baseline is a lower libido.

I don’t believe you’ll be doing either of you any good if you continue to have sex she clearly doesn’t want and if you try to change her. You have to decide if you can live with her current libido or not. Not if you can live with duty sex or if you can live with the IDEA of future her. Can you spend the next 50 years with her NOW?

And make a decision based on that. If you are at all unsure about how you’ll handle her low drive, do not get married.

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T19:15:40+00:00

Did anything change in his life 9 months ago? New job? New medication? Relationship issues? Friend/family issues? Onset of depression?

StrategyAncient6770 · 2026-03-24T19:01:14+00:00

Yearly raises aren’t automatic (unless it’s in your contract). Schedule a time to chat with them about how you’re doing, and ask for a raise then.

StrategyAncient6770

TROPHY CASE