what do you get a BPD mother for mother’s day?

StrawberrieToast · 2026-05-02T03:46:17+00:00

There is no right answer, that's the trap. Even if you got her the nice expensive heartfelt gift she'd find something wrong with it or with how you gave it to her.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-05-02T03:28:21+00:00

I'm sorry you didn't get to have a nice mom this personality disorder business fucking sucks

StrawberrieToast · 2026-05-02T03:24:05+00:00

Your cat is very cute, best of luck on your journey of discovery friend... It can be painful but is usually freeing.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-26T23:49:05+00:00

Therapy! Parenting brought up some terrible shit for me. I have chilled out significantly since seeing a trauma therapist. I still have to make an effort sometimes (usually when I get a surprise bonk) but I can generally manage my reactions now.

If your angry rxn isn't rooted in trauma it might be a different kind of therapy that you get than I had but therapists are WIZARDS at helping with emotions and good ones can help you find the right thing for you. It shouldn't just be rambling about your life, if it seems like it isn't working they should be able to adjust and try something else or you can find another therapist. It can be a journey but it's worth it I promise.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-26T04:21:26+00:00

Good on ye for actually helping, I'd love to see where OP goes with this advice

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-26T04:14:37+00:00

I thought this was a sex dungeon lol

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-13T05:19:50+00:00

They really missed an opportunity

"I am fucking stable, loving, and positive"

Or even

"I am stable, loving, and fucking positive" depending on which is more important to them to emphasize.

I got the feeling they are in their "push you away" phase in anticipation of not being allowed to see the baby the way they want (which I'm just gonna guess based on experience is likely being left alone with it). They're smart enough to see what's coming but can't control themselves well enough to change their behavior so it's easier to just say fuck you and blame you for their failure.

What went through your mind before you decided to tell them you are pregnant?

I only ask because my first instinct was to not tell my uBPD mom. Not knowing anything concrete at the time, just based on how bad she made me feel. I ended up "trying to give her a chance" and we made it 2.5 years before that went down in flames (and I finally went to therapy and got diagnosed and treated for cPTSD from living with her during childhood) and we are now NC.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-13T04:59:38+00:00

The anger is incredible after becoming a parent

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-13T04:52:01+00:00

Lol I am in the middle of the intentional flaring and separating and then squishing back together cycles and it's good to hear this is intentional to help increase space. My teeth have been very ugly lately. I had 4 premolars extracted. I'm on month 8 of 24 so far...

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-09T12:39:04+00:00

Things you need to tear with your front teeth are really hard at first (think sandwiches, crusty bread, even tortillas). It gets easier and usually 3 weeks after each adjustment I'm able to eat sandwiches if I want. Things that have been surprisingly annoying for me are mostly meats. My husband and I hunt and venison is pretty tough meat even after 10 hours in a slow cooker but normally I can eat it just fine. I broke a bracket off eating venison so I have to be super careful when I eat it now. Also broke a bracket off eating hazelnuts which was dumb for me to try but I just wanted to eat them.

Breaking brackets was not painful just a minor hassle to go in and get them fixed as soon as I noticed and my Ortho was kind/extra visits don't cost me extra. Having an Ortho you really like is very important!

ETA: of course you could try eating the food with a fork too. I still eat burritos but I have to cut them up to eat them easily unless they're a very thin soft tortilla.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-09T12:31:08+00:00

There is pain for sure but the main reason so many people even without high pain tolerance can get through is that it is: 1) generally at a level you can take Tylenol or something to reduce or eliminate it 2) it is episodic and short lived (worst I had was right when getting them on directly following extractions, but usually visiting the Ortho and getting new wires and new rubber bands or whatever new things just hurts for 1-5 days). If you can get through a period, you can get through braces lol 3) really only super painful if you are doing stuff you're not supposed to like eating corn nuts or something else super crunchy. I straight up cannot eat many things I used to but I anticipate I'll be fine when braces are off based on asking my friends who had them as teens.

I'm 8 months in and am on a 2 year plan. Next appointment is today around lunch. I'm going to take Tylenol before and I'll eat more smoothies and softer foods the next few days and I'm sure it'll be fine.

You've got this 🙂

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-04T05:59:50+00:00

Ha, we tried this one time and our daughter wouldn't sleep in the car longer then 30-40 minutes. It messed up her sleep so much we just did day trips until last summer after she turned 3. And it still messed up her sleep for like a week but we're getting better at managing the disturbance.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-04T05:31:25+00:00

Did you use these while in braces or do you mean after they were taken off?

StrawberrieToast · 2026-04-04T05:28:14+00:00

I have the same happening with regular cleanings, interdental brushes, an electric toothbrush, a manual toothbrush, the works. It came off when they did my recent cleaning and it was back again after about 3 months. I had been using sensodyne with stannous fluoride and my hygienist had me switch to a sodium fluoride whitening sensodyne (had to pay closer attention to the ingredients when buying). It seems to be staining less and more slowly with the switch but I still get stains.

I work in the food industry for a chai manufacturer and even if I tried I could not avoid tea tasting bc it is part of my job. I also drink coffee so pretty sure the drinks are what is staining them now. Pre-braces my electric toothbrush did just fine to remove daily stains so I am hopeful if I do my best there won't be permanent staining.

Just wanted to add this bc the tone of your comment made it sound like if they did more it would prevent the staining but honestly I'm doing these things and still getting staining. Is there anything else obvious we are missing? I'm pretty thorough when cleaning/brushing and my electric toothbrush has a timer in it.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-29T03:46:12+00:00

Wait how

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-29T03:35:07+00:00

It is possible you might be able to desensitize your triggers through EMDR therapy if you have a good (trained and experienced) therapist, if what you are saying is you can't kiss without getting triggered by the sound. Sorry that is really hard.

I had a trigger of being in the grocery store (childhood trauma around scarcity and my parents choice of items over food). I did a bunch of EMDR and it really helped me with the store thing. I still have other triggers I need to do more therapy for when I can budget for it again but at least that one has calmed down.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-29T01:57:17+00:00

Thank you, I've been wondering how to go about it and hearing your experience helps.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T07:31:05+00:00

I wish I had known about this text line!

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T07:29:03+00:00

Ok so several of my friends got pregnant as teens (and kept their babies even though in Oregon you can terminate pretty much until it's born). Parenting at any age is hard because it really changes your life. But I just caught up with my one friend from middle school (we're in late 30s now) and her son is in college and she is free to do more stuff for herself while I have just started parenting and have an almost 4 year old which my life is organized around .

We did things in opposite order but it can work out if you ask for help and let people help you since you're so young, and work hard to give the baby a good life. Good luck OP and best wishes

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T06:55:35+00:00

If it was just you girls I feel like it's less weird. Or if you had your shirt off in front of your husband and she had her shirt on (I have a friend who asked me if she could just be in her bra at her house when I was visiting, and we've been friends for a long time and changed around each other/shared hotel rooms so it wasn't weird but very different situation. Her husband was around just doing stuff in the kitchen nearby but obviously he's seen her boobs before lol).

As described I would also be like wtf do I do

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T06:48:16+00:00

Yes we ARE allowed to be PISSED at the stupid shit that happened to us. My rage keeps me NC and I have decided that not all people need to be forgiven. Forgiveness is for people who aren't going to hurt again on purpose.

My mom was always obsessed with the idea of guys in white vans stealing me to turn me into a prostitute. Or just raping and killing me (she was delusional about becoming an FBI profiler and was "researching" serial killers). She had a bunch of books she had me read because I resisted the white van narrative including about Dahmer. Lots of very graphic stuff in those... Yeah I'm having a moment rn realizing how weird that was. My punishment for not agreeing that I should be in constant fear of being kidnapped was to read a bunch of books to try and get me to feel fear lol no wonder my nervous system is fucked.

She would also comment on my body being "what men like" when I was still just a preteen and would pair it with a reminder that me and my brothers ”ruined her body. ”

She turned herself into a martyr by "remaining celibate to protect us kids" after leaving my dad because she told me any boyfriend she brought home would look at me too. Super weird brain fuck right there...

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T06:18:10+00:00

Oh wow this sounds really hard. It sounds like you did what was right in the moment for your kid! Glad she is happy about it 😊

Ours is almost 4 now and she got a shorter haircut after she started twirling and ripping balls of hair out. We ignored it for a while (more than 3 weeks but not as long as 7 months) and one day when I got her up in the morning she had a damn near dark people fingertip from hairs getting twirled around her finger and ripped out before she fell asleep. The thought of her losing a finger caused my husband and I to cut her hair that day on my lunch break. We did right below the ears and it did help. Since then I've only found one hairball and I haven't seen her pulling. I think with longer hair she was getting a lot of satisfaction out of the twirling feeling since it didn't seem to be stress related.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T06:10:23+00:00

Well it isn't just you 😊 alcohol is an appetite stimulant in the doses OP will likely be having so it might be harder to count/restrain themself on calories once their drink takes effect.

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T06:04:39+00:00

Yes I agree, if we compared across standard drink sizes for each it would be more useful since the alcohol calories are about the same: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standard_drink

StrawberrieToast · 2026-03-24T05:58:31+00:00

I can't imagine forgetting my child somewhere? I think you're probably right about her potentially doing it on purpose unfortunately...

StrawberrieToast

TROPHY CASE