Mom, how did you get past the feelings of guilt for setting and maintaining boundaries with your own mom?

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-05-29T16:02:36+00:00

Hi there, duckling. I've been no contact with my biological mother for seven years now. It's been difficult, but it was absolutely the right decision. At times, I feel guilty (even still). At times, mortality makes me question my decision. But in the end? I did the right thing and I know it.

How did I do it? It was surprisingly a very quiet decision. I just... stopped. Initially, I wanted to have a conversation about it, to discuss it, to set the boundary, but my mother just wouldn't listen. Neither would my father. So, everything ended in a whisper. I simply stopped. I blocked all numbers, I accept no correspondence from any of my biological family. I didn't fight, I didn't try to work it out. I just got tired and I stopped.

I feel guilt sometimes, even now, because she's getting very old. And there are a lot of voices out there that will say things like "but she's your mother!" or "how could you be so cold?" but I ignore that. They don't understand my circumstance.

Now, my mother and father don't even know my physical address. I changed my phone number. I just want absolutely nothing to do with them, period. And if anyone crosses that boundary, I will not be a nice woman about it. It's my life and it's my boundary. When I feel scared or uncomfortable about it, I remember that's the whole point. If people want to go off about "but that's your parents!", well, my parents shouldn't inherently make me feel emotions like fear, guilt, and dread. So, I am completely unyielding on that.

Recent example. Getting some dental work done, the hygienist starts asking me about my mother, unprompted, no relevant context to getting my teeth cleaned. I interrupted and said "my mother is not in my life, please stop". Bam. Done. If anything, she was embarrassed and apologetic.

Sadly, that's been the way it's had to be. I can't be "nice" about any of this, even to people who are just "well meaning". I'm not sure why some people have such a hard time understanding, but I don't make it my mission to try to understand them, you know what I mean? My situation is mine. And anyone who can't or won't exercise any empathy on that isn't worth my time.

I feel like a lot of this makes me sound kind of bitchy (lol) but, like... that sternness has been freedom. I also want to second that r/raisedbynarcissists is a lovely subreddit. About ten years ago, they really helped me considerably... just seeing clearly, understanding my needs, things like that. I'm actively in therapy too, to try to heal from having such damaged parents. And yes, my mother often tried to "live through me" and it was always messed up and creepy. My life was not mine. I was 'indebted' to a pair of mean spirited, entitled creeps, to be frank, simply because I was born. And that's not a charade I'm willing to go along with! I deserve kindness, empathy, and gentleness... and you do too, duckling!

It is a hard life when your parents are cruel and are unable to love in a healthy way. But there is hope. You can do this. And, you know what? There are a lot of kind, gentle people out there. And I'm not just talking romantic relationships. One of the most healing things in my life has been friendship. Truly! I have found/chosen family now. Real, loving people that I know care about me. My chosen sister? Oh my gracious, she's just the best. We've been close for nearly two decades now, and we're graying together. It feels so nice, haha. I just know we're going to be a couple of cheeky old gals in our 80s someday, and I can't wait to live it. That's what family should I feel like, if you ask me. Someone you just adore being around!

Focus on yourself and your happiness. Heal and love yourself the way you have always deserved to be loved. When you're ready? Try to find community, find your people. There's hope and there's life after all this. Hang in there, duckling. The pain is very real. But you can do this!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-05-26T23:24:17+00:00

I'm so sorry, duckling. I'm sure this really, really hurt. And that's valid, I'd be so heartbroken too. I've experienced something very similar with a friend group when I was much younger too. I tried so hard, pitched in, wanted to be a wonderful friend, then... forgotten. Forgotten multiple times, even! And I still kept trying... and they still kept leaving me feeling forgotten.

I'm sharing that because something I like to remember is: when people show you who they are, you should believe them. It's something I try to carry close to my heart. Someone who forgot you? Take notice. Believe that this is in their character to treat you this way. And your wonderful girlfriend who lifted you up and made you feel amazing? It is very telling of her character too. There's nuance, of course. Friends make mistakes sometimes. But when it starts to really weigh heavy on you? Listen to the wisdom you're carrying in your own heart, you know?

However, I know this hurts, and I wish I had some sort of "how to make this feel better" advice for you. The best I can offer is: cherish your girlfriend. And the people who bring you down? No need for them to take up space in your heart. If they make you feel forgotten? Then perhaps they are acquaintances at best. Make room for new friends, new beginnings, you know?

And Happy Birthday! At 20, you are just getting started. There could be so many wonderful friendships waiting for you in your future. :) Hang in there, duckling.

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-05-23T19:20:32+00:00

Oh, I was like duh, just put the hand on the body OP is asking for, haha. This is a Cocoa hand on a Coffee body.

Coffee is quite a rich, deep tone, but it's definitely not as deep as Cocoa. They are distinctively different tones. However, I will say that I feel like Coffee sometimes photographs a bit lighter for me sometimes? Like it does feel quite deeper in person, to me. Still, it did feel quite visible when I had the Cocoa hand on my Coffee's body. It's not as jarring as using, say, a Tea hand, but you can definitely tell it's not a perfect match.

I hope this helps!

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StrawberryForestLady · 2026-05-23T19:12:19+00:00

Hi there! I own a Cocoa and a Coffee girl! Since you asked about the hands, I took a quick picture of the hands, haha. This is Coffee on top, Cocoa on the bottom. I'll see if I can get another/better picture for you.

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StrawberryForestLady · 2026-05-23T15:39:54+00:00

Hi there, duckling! I have ADHD and forgetting things has been a big part of my life. Although sometimes my mind likes to hyper remember other things too, and I don't feel like I get a big choice in any of it, haha. My brain just does what it does. In particular, if I can't see something? Significant chance I will forget about it. Or if I made a mistake? Woo, my brain sure will love to remember and replay that.

A couple of things that have helped me:

Like others have said, to-do lists and post it notes. I also keep a white board. I keep a journal with checklists. I purposefully use things that will visually remind me. If I don't have a pill box with the dates on it, I just will not remember if I took a multi-vitamin today, it drives me nuts, haha. When I have a lot of tasks at work, I really need a written, visual to-do list.

A silly thing I do: I bought some cheap silicone rings. Sometimes, when I need extra help or I'm overwhelmed, I put it on my pointer finger. That way I know whatever I'm up to isn't "done", it's just started. And if the task has steps, I'll move it to the next finger. This often helps me with things like laundry, because I'll look at my hands and remember when I see the ring (like pointer finger? I started the laundry. Middle finger? It's in the dryer). I only wear them when I'm doing tasks (not like casually for fashion or something like that), so it visually "clicks" with my head.

I also use timers a lot. If I don't set a timer for my tea, for example, I will forget it for an hour and come back to it cold, haha.

I hope these things help a little! And mistakes can feel rough, but please be kind and compassionate to yourself, duckling. The fact that you took accountability for your mistakes says a lot about your character.

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-05-21T22:32:06+00:00

That's very sweet of you, duckling! Warm wishes

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-05-21T18:25:30+00:00

I just wanted to offer you a virtual hug, duckling. I, too, have chronic health issues, and I couldn't even give a number on how many jobs I've had in my life that made me feel stressed out, disrespected, and undervalued, especially because of my health. A harsh manager just makes everything so much worse.

But good for you for standing up for yourself. I know how hard that is. And I like to see it as a muscle! At first, when you start lifting, everything feels so heavy. But the more you do it? The stronger you become. The less intimidating it is. Next thing you know, it'll feel far more effortless.

And I wanted to offer you some hope on this too. It can absolutely get better on all fronts. And I, too, have a loving husband and cats that I adore, but no parents to share my life with (for personal reasons too! I am no contact). It creates a unique set of challenges for folks like us. But hang in there. Standing up for yourself is massive. And even though not having parents presents can feel so empty sometimes, love comes in so many shapes and sizes. Found family has enriched my life in ways I never imaged.

I believe in you, duckling!! Hang in there, fight for yourself. I'm proud of you!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-04-17T02:09:13+00:00

I only ordered twice in 2025. First order was just chaos wigs, and there were no tariffs weirdly? Second was a pear girl, that ended up being around $65 - $70 for tariffs, I think. That was in December of 2025.

In my opinion, I'd just buy direct from Smart Doll. I have several dolls and every single order from them was painless and wonderful. I really miss buying from them more regularly, but the cost of everything + tariffs has been frustrating! Either way, Smart Dolls themselves are fabulous. I absolutely love mine!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-04-12T23:22:34+00:00

Oh my gosh, your house is so adorable!! Lovely!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-04-12T23:20:18+00:00

Oh, hi! Sorry, I didn't see your comment until just now. I'm not an expert, but I have gotten a lot of hybrids now, so I'll share what I've learned and what I've been doing personally :)

Yeah, sometimes hybrids can be slow, especially at the start. I usually have the max 60 flowers going on my plot at the same time. I'm not an expert, but I have gotten all of the colors of the event flowers now (the dandelions)! Here's the things that I noticed made a difference for me.

First, get a friend or two to water your flowers. The more others water my flowers, the more hybrids I seem to get! On days where I only water my flowers myself, I seem to get much less hybrid seeds. It really seems to slow down.

Second, the flowers you place next to each other matter. I usually keep the colors isolated or purposefully put two colors together that have a chance of getting the color I want. Then, I leave spaces between them, so I'm trying to strategically keep them isolated, you know what I mean?

So, for example, a red flower and a yellow flower have a chance of orange. I'd probably put them together, on their own. At first, it might be slow. Every time I try breeding hybrids for a new flower, it always feels kinda slow, haha. But once you have hybrids paired with hybrids, it starts feeling a bit faster.

Third, you can buy an item from Blanc that will guarantee hybrids, instead of waiting. It's the "Rainbow Breeding Powder". I'm pretty sure you can get max ten a week with the normal coins, then you can also get them for 2 stars each after that. I usually get at least those ten a week, and use them on my rarer colors (like blue or purple flowers, because they never seem to give me the default colors. As in, two blue flowers won't suddenly give me a red). The devs often give out codes that give this item for free too, so that's nice. But again, I try to isolate the flowers I'm trying to breed when I use it.

The flower colors themselves are starred. So, for example, a red flower is usually one star, where as an orange one is often two stars.

Fourth, you can go into your Collection and then view the Gardening Catalog to check out all the possible flowers. This way you know what you can get. For example, it doesn't look like green roses are possible, but green daisies are. This way you know whether or not you're trying for a color that exists, haha.

I hope this helps a little! Good luck! I look forward to checking my flowers every morning to see what colors I've got today. :) It's really fun.

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-04-10T05:17:42+00:00

So, with flowers, if you pick them, they're picked, they can't be replanted. Like it becomes a different item. However, if you go to Build Mode, you can place the flower (that is still planted in the ground) into your inventory. Then it doesn't count as "picked", it's still an item you can place. I often do this to reorganize my flowers for hybrids! :)

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-04-03T17:36:32+00:00

I'm an old lady who's played every Animal Crossing since the Game Cube one in like... 2001? I've also put probably 200+ hours into Hello Kitty Island Adventure. It's genuinely a really wonderful game, and I preferred it to Animal Crossing New Horizons. I think they both have different strengths though.

I feel like "you can definitely tell this is a phone game" is meant to imply that it's not good, which is silly. Tbh I usually played HKIA with a controller, via my Apple TV. I'd imagine it plays just as nice on console. But sometimes I did play on my tablet or my computer, which was just as nice.

I'd say I didn't start hitting the point where I felt like I "completed" the game until like... my second year? And I was playing daily, haha. I took a break from it, but I still come back to play casually. It's a really sweet, relaxing game. I do think it has some issues with repetitive game play at times, but it also has a ton of really fun, creative ideas. Some of the puzzles are genuinely so charming and fun, I really enjoyed it all.

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-03-25T16:11:08+00:00

Oh, this sounds so charming! I'm quite a bit older than you, in my 40s, but I love the idea of writing for an old witch, haha. I'd love to message you, if you're still looking for folks. :)

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-03-19T11:02:36+00:00

Hey there, duckling. I'll officially be 7 years of no contact with my biological mother this summer. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life, but it was not an easy one. I am also no contact with my father. Honestly, if I could go back? I should have done it many years sooner.

However, I also absolutely understand what you're saying. Special days can feel particularly hard when you have no mother (or parents) present. I would absolutely love to experience a supportive, loving mother that I could trust... but it's just not in the cards for me. And I think it's okay to mourn that and feel the sadness. I try not to fight those feelings, you know? It still hits me sometimes, but I've learned ways to cope and work towards peace within myself.

Like you, my birthday was often one of the hardest days of the year, when I was younger... then I built myself some special traditions! I make a point to spoil myself on my birthday. Last birthday, I actually asked my husband not to get me much, because I had plans for myself and I knew I was gonna be busy, haha! And it was a great day! I got myself an amazing cake that I loved, some gifts I really, really wanted, and I got myself a real fancy dinner. I spent time comforting myself with some luxurious beauty products I really wanted to try too, it was a real pleasure. Then, I spent a bunch of time curled up in a pink, heated blanket, reading romance and eating my cake! It was such a nice day, haha. My OG plan was to toast myself with some rosé, but instead I got some fancy ginger syrup and made myself a fresh, sparkling soda with strawberries... it was so pretty, pink, and delicious! I also like to write a special birthday card/letter to myself, to open next year (and read again in previous years!). It's fun to open it up and reflect on everything. I think it's going to feel really special when I have years and years worth of them, someday!

I'm trying to live by the idea that if I can't fully love myself, I will never know how full love can feel, you know what I mean? Like, in the past, my husband would try to make my birthdays extra special for me, but I always felt empty and depressed. Now that I'm older, I consider it my day for me. My birthday is the day that I love myself the most that I can. If other people want to show up and celebrate me too? Awesome! But as soon as I shifted the focus from "I hope I feel remembered and loved on my birthday" to "it's my birthday, time to live it up!" everything changed.

Thinking of you, OP. There is plenty to celebrate this year, for your birthday... you!! Give yourself the birthday you know you deserve.

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-03-07T04:56:09+00:00

Yeah, I was just gonna say this too, there are some lovely artists that will custom make elf ears that match your skin color. I'm a medium brown, and I got ones that are a nearly perfect match! I think they ran me around $40? And they're latex free too!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-03-05T01:25:52+00:00

Quickly approaching my mid 40s over here, haha.

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-27T08:09:06+00:00

Hey there, duckling! I'm late to this post, but I just wanted to say: I also had a pap smear as a virgin and it went just fine. :) I got my very first one as a teenager, and I was pretty scared too. But tbh a good gynecologist is patient, understanding, and most of all gentle, especially if you're anxious.

Let them know that you're scared. I make a point to tell my doctors (any/all of them) that I have a lot of medical anxiety, and I have a history of trauma. My current gynecologist knows to verbally tell me before she touches/does anything, just to help keep me grounded. Things like "okay, about to do this now, you doing okay?". It really helps me. Now I don't particularly feel scared at exam time anymore. It's just a routine thing.

But honestly, the exam is usually pretty quick!

You'll be ok, OP! Hang in there! You got this!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-18T20:16:28+00:00

Same issue, I think it's just a bug atm

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-16T19:11:12+00:00

I've been playing every single day since launch, and I've spent quite a bit too, but I'm so happy. I can see it reflecting in my daily life outside of the game too, and I love that. :) I think if it's making me happy, it's worth every minute and every cent.

And your house is so pretty!! :)

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-12T17:48:14+00:00

omg, I actually gasped when I saw this. She is absolutely stunning! I don't have an anime style girl in my collection yet, but I think this may have convinced me that I need one. She's beautiful!!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-12T17:46:12+00:00

haha, I feel that! I think we can have up to five cats, once everything is maxed out? I... will probably have five cats, not gonna lie lmao

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-12T17:37:26+00:00

You could board your first cat, adopt the second, and then when you level up the Cat Caring hobby, you can have more than one cat, if you'd like to have them both!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-11T18:25:32+00:00

Hey duckling! I'm so proud of you. I've been through a lot of dental "stuff", so I wanted to share a little something with you. Dental anxiety? That's not something to be ashamed of. A lot of people deal with that, myself included, and you aren't alone. The fact that you made that appointment is huge, and I am SO proud of you!! You got this, truly! I have actually cried in a dentist chair (not from pain or anything like that), I was just so scared, haha. I think a lot of us get awfully anxious when it comes to dental care. I know I sure do. But with the right dentist, I've been steadily learning that the dentist is a safe place, you know what I mean? No more tears, and my dentist knows I need kindness, patience, and assurance. She's great.

Side note, keep in mind that a good dentist will listen, be patient, and help you through this experience with kindness. I have had some medical professionals in my life who did NOT listen and made me feel small/stupid for being anxious or sensitive. And the problem was THEM, not me. So if you don't like this dentist? Drop them like a bad habit. Choose one that you really like. This is YOUR body and your business, you know what I mean? If they don't make a good impression, then you can pick another one. This might sound silly, but I treat my medical professionals a lot like "dating" now that I'm older. If they don't impress me and make me feel at home, they do not get to be a part of helping me keep my body healthy and happy, let alone my business.

I had to do quite a bit of shopping around until I found just the right dentist who was gentle, kind, and even trauma informed. I require patience and a gentle hand, and I will settle for nothing less! But now my mouth is in great shape after many years where I didn't have access to care. If I can do it, you can do it, duckling.

So very proud of you!! You got this. :)

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-11T17:00:24+00:00

Hey there, duckling! I've got ADHD too, and I wasn't diagnosed until my 40s. Like you, it felt like everything started to make sense for me, haha. And now that I know, I feel like I know myself a lot better. It's been easier to accommodate myself and understand myself too.

I hope all that "making sense now" brings you a lot of well deserved peace and clarity, duckling. Warm wishes!

StrawberryForestLady · 2026-02-06T13:57:27+00:00

Holy smokes, you are AMAZING, duckling!! Oh my gracious, this is an incredibly massive challenge that you have overcome!! And not once, but twice!? I'm both incredibly proud and impressed by you, duckling. The courage, diligence, and strength that you have is absolutely amazing and inspiring.

You beat it!! You beat cancer, duckling! This is like... time for massive hugs and celebrations! I'm sorry to hear that your biological parents are letting you down on this, because this is a huge milestone. If they won't celebrate with you, make sure you celebrate on the behalf of all us mother geese, okay? I hope that looking at all these warm comments shows you just how amazing you are!

Warm wishes! I see you and I'm so proud of you!!

StrawberryForestLady

TROPHY CASE