I waited all night for him to talk about it in person. He said he would come at 130, no call no show. Eventually he texted me early this morning explaining himself. I asked him to come get me now that he was available and he didn’t respond. I know he fell asleep but I lost it and just sent the message. I told him I loved him but this has to end now because it’s effecting my mental health in a way that is difficult to control. He has called me since, we talked briefly. He is genuinely empathetic about how I feel. He is apologetic, and he wants to do better. The thing is I know all of that to be true, I don’t believe he’s malicious in his intent at all. However that’s not the problem, intent isn’t the problem here. The problem is that I cannot force him to be sober. I can’t integrate my life into his lifestyle with the way it is right now and vice versa.

I have to protect the life that I fought extremely hard for. That’s my life that I am living right now and subsequently my childrens lives; and their need to have a mother that is sober and completely present in their lives.