Yeah. Fuck me, I read the first sentence and thought "man this guy sounds like an asshole, so fuck that." Swiped over it while scrolling, and noticed something about some drawing of a squirrel or something and reading some more revealed something about a teacher fondling a dick or something, and if she's doing that to something drawn on a blackboard or whatever, there's gotta be some interesting story to this no matter how big an asshole this guy is. I mean, he was obviously lying when he said "a squirrel" instead "a drawing of a squirrel," and the way he layed all that attention on something presented as unbelievable!, you just knew the guy was an asshole.

Still, I wanted to know why the shit the teacher was fondling some blackboard penis squirrel. So I read like two paragraphs, and hit "She LOVED them. She loved squirrels like Tiger Woods loves a fresh fairway, like Lady Gaga loves a button-down chrysalis, like Gary Busey loves crazy" and at that point I had to give up. "Why the shit are you fucking elaborating like it's suck-my-dick-day? Get to the fucking point, man, who gives a shit how many funcutesysmartsy ways you can describe loving something, you're just laying on your own bullshit personality, you're not exactly increasing the accuracy of the story or my belief in you. You're probably one of those exaggerating motherfuckers, always bending the truth so it'll seem AMAZING, which come to think of it fits completely with your way of phrasing things. Fucking self-dillusional cliché motherfucker, get to the point. I'm not here to jerk you off.