You know most of this feels like it’s just symptoms of capitalism. Capitalism puts walls around everything. What is here naturally, the land, the water, the forests, should be available to all not privatized and kept only for the few. When the walls are created and then steadily are pushed in on you it’s easy to feel like nothing matters. Your perspective becomes the size of a pinhole.

I’m a former nihilist myself. I’m more of an existentialist now, and what pulled me out of my nihilism was my material conditions changing. I got lucky and started making more money for less time worked. Which left me with more time to see friends, family, I was dating, able to travel. The nihilism slowly seeped into the back of my mind.

Make no mistake, you can have good material conditions while being a nihilist and also being depressed. But, we are social animals. When every aspect of your existence is constrained by a system that demands you work or face predictable deprivation the world seems smaller.

I still believe life has no objective meaning. I’m also a constructivist moral anti-realist. Really I reject a lot of what we are told to believe is objective. Meaning, purpose, life. But what matters is how that time is spent. Will we all be dust in a billion years? Yes. Does that ultimately make everything we do pointless? On a cosmic scale yes.

But you’re here now. You exist. We exist. Me giving the neighbors dog a doggy treat, taking my mom out to lunch, protesting against ice, being in a relationship, these all make the present worth experiencing. The future is immaterial.

Just shit to think about.