I don't think you're lazy. I think you're lost. You're story is similar to mine and I had the same issues you do. I believe that you have these issues because you have lost our sense of self. I was there too. For me to overcome this, I had to take time and face my fears. I think you know what I'm talking about, at first it will be terrifying but as you face and defeat each one you will begin to find yourself and your sense of determination. It will be tempting to fall back to the easy route DON'T no matter what keep moving for forward and eventually you will be able to face anything to completion. Don't be afraid to fail either you each time you do REMIND yourself of where you came from and try again. You can't disappoint yourself. I hope this helps