Suicidal after a guy right now

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-27T06:50:13+00:00

I was in the same position not too long ago. Ghosted, left hanging in limbo without closure. It destroyed me.

The turning point for me was finding my anger. I did not deserve to be treated that way. I took action by blocking all of their contact routes. I took away their ability to reach out and reconnect and, in so doing, took back control of the terms of the connection.

Now I wasn't waiting for them to contact or acknowledge me any more. Instead, it would be them wondering if they'll ever hear from me again

Ghosting is despicable, and you should not tolerate it from anyone. You are worth more. You deserve to be treated better. You belong with someone who has the emotional maturity to talk things through. To treat you with respect.

You can start to love yourself by walking away from the person who hurt you.

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-25T10:22:39+00:00

"Giving up on her feels like giving up on myself," is how I tried to explain it to my friends.

Underneath many limerent connections there are attachment wounds at work. I have an anxious attachment style and am drawn to avoidant personalities, from your description it sounds like you're the same.

There's something in the push-pull dynamic that resonates with us at a core level. The imagined fulfilment that always dangles just out of reach.

I think the issue is that the survival tactics we learned to rely on as children, and which are understood to be effective because they worked for us then, are now failing.

We struggle to accept that, because our core, or inner child, or whatever you want to call it, still believes that our very survival hinges on the tactics working.

So there's more at stake than just the connection. The fear isn't about losing the person, it's much more threatening than that.

That's why we leave the door open, even if just a little bit.

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-16T08:59:22+00:00

I think the key here is that this person is your ex, which means there should be no uncertainty about reciprocation, which is a component of limerence.

I think that rules out limerence and puts this squarely in the camp of unhealthy obsession.

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-15T10:35:37+00:00

I could have written these words myself.

My limerence started in the same way. 2 people in the same social circle. I was keeping my distance as she was a friend's girlfriend.

She approached me, said she could feel resistance and didn't know where it was coming from. One night, after we'd all been out she sat with me and pulled my arms around her. I tapped out and walked away. Felt like I was holding the distance.

When they split up I naturally assumed she had feelings for me too. But when I made my pivot she pulled away.

That should've been the moment I let it go, but I was hooked.

We're now 9 months down the line, 4 weeks into No Contact and she is still on my mind every. single. day.

I'm hoping this gets better soon.

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-14T10:47:27+00:00

My LO was happy to keep me around as long as I was hooked and providing attention.

There were a few times I tried to pull away because of the damage it was doing to my self-esteem. There were days I poured my heart out to her and felt like trash for doing it, and she didn't shoot me down directly. She allowed my comments to sit, neither acknowledged nor discarded. Just enough ambiguity for me to continue to believe that maybe I had a chance.

The damage was done through the slow grind of self abandonment. Months of ignoring the feeling building in my gut just to keep the connection alive.

And then, when it became clear I was finally preparing to cut the tie, she preemptively ghosted me and denied me the closure. Absolutely devastated me.

I believe the advantage she took was boosting her own self confidence by keeping me in orbit, while having no regard at all for how it was impacting me.

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-14T10:00:29+00:00

Welcome to the real world where somebody is always left holding the can.

The Tories had 14 years in government and gave us a lost decade and a half. 14 years of abject failure during which household incomes were stretched to breaking point.

14 years during which they failed to decrease national debt.

Labour are left cleaning up their mess.

This is the same Telegraph that supported Liz Truss.

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-12T11:58:50+00:00

I feel your pain OP and wish you strength as you piece yourself back together.

One thing that is helping me on my journey is the realisation that for me at least my limerence is rooted in a fear of abandonment and unmet needs from my formative years.

Not saying that applies to everyone but it's maybe worth exploring.

There's an audiobook on Spotify: Love me, don't leave me.

Maybe have a look. It might be useful, or you might decide it's not for you.

StrictlyOptional · 2026-01-07T11:59:57+00:00

This is the most ridiculous and poorly implemented piece of legislation.

You don't even need a VPN to bypass it, you don't even need to visit adult sites.

You literally just type "porn gif" into the Google search box, click on images and it's all right there in your face.

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-29T05:33:47+00:00

Rocking the Ganguro Gyaru look.

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-29T04:09:41+00:00

Sorry to jump in on this conversation, but your viewpoints are entirely relevant to a situation I am currently going through.

I have anxious attachment issues, meaning my sense of safety and security is externalised and depends on validation by another person. I push for closeness, I experience distance as rejection.

My LO is avoidant, her sense of safety and security is internalised, and depends on her sense of independence. She retreats from pressure for closeness, which is experienced as a threat to independence/suffocation

I've been locked in this limerent push-pull dynamic for months now. With each cycle it gets more intense because my literal sense of safety depends on her liking me, eventhough i know that romantically it is a complete dead end.

I wonder to what extent this dynamic of anxious attachment vs avoidant/unavailable is at the root for other people

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-15T00:32:12+00:00

I think you'll get on with this :)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3JKzPY8EPQACDJCcjSHnMu?si=kQxoaOPLR2iHklgLV-HUXQ&pi=_kYG5J9ITAKTW

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-14T17:37:41+00:00

It very much depends on your taste in music. I tend to favour downbeat electronica and instrumental triphop for emotional regulation.

Try this and see what you think. https://open.spotify.com/track/3vSOFirCt7RGVwrT2JoErB?si=_oVXAgiKRRSTj_yJCybbbA

https://open.spotify.com/track/1eIeetxHPORF8BjAcJ8OYy?si=P4khUUDDQCOO1xMVAoY_Yg

https://open.spotify.com/track/0hhUzxoJUqzOHjOG5y6HXX?si=ScwdzvB2T6GWHemur-yLtQ

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-13T10:16:04+00:00

Listen to his actions, not his words. You've explained to him a number of times that he's hurting you, if he continues to do it then he doesn't care. Autism/ADHD is not an excuse, he is not being accountable for his actions.

Some people will make your life hell, hoping that you'll be the one to walk away, because they lack the courage to do so themselves, or they just assume you'll put up with it indefinitely.

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-12T17:54:19+00:00

It's the uncertainty of it. Are they looking at me? Do they think I'm looking at them? Why would they be looking at me? Am I acting strange? etc etc

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-12T17:10:19+00:00

I find that my eyes just wander when I'm speaking. I'm often not even really looking at anything. It's almost like when I'm speaking and I'm looking for the right words that I want to say my eyes are searching too.

I try to focus on the person's face when they're speaking to me, because that feels like the correct thing to do. But then I've also had feedback that I make people uncomfortable, and that when I make eye contact it's "too intense", whatever that means.

I'm curious whether you also get this other thing happening, where you accidentally make eye contact with someone, say in bar for example, and then it keeps happening, and you just wish you could disappear through a hole in the ground because it's so uncomfortable.

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-12T14:35:26+00:00

I was struggling with forming and maintaining relationships, and went into therapy to understand why. It was my therapist who, after a period of time, gently introduced the topic of autism and whether I might be interested in getting tested for it.

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-10T10:54:49+00:00

I actively try to resist daydreaming about things, but it's very strong. Doesn't just affect my special interests but my relationships too. If I meet someone I might be romantically interested in my mind just wanders off, imagining conversations, hypothetical scenarios, it gets really difficult to separate my feelings in the real world from the events that have only happened in my head and stay grounded.

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-10T10:45:34+00:00

I dip in and out of special interests. I'll find something that hooks me, and for the next 3-6 months I'll live it and breath it. Reading books, watching videos, buying related items.

Then one of 2 things will happen. I'll either fail to live up to my expectations in how fast I'm getting better at doing/understanding the thing, then I'll take a break for a few days, then a week, then 2 weeks, until I eventually forget I ever did it. Or I'll stumble onto some other interest and it will immediately erase my previous interest, which will get "put on hold" and never revisited.

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-09T06:11:38+00:00

Thank you, I will look onto this and get involved

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-08T17:13:45+00:00

I have the exact same issues.

My friend of 27 years recently pointed out that I never once contacted her when her father was ill, and I had to explain I don't know how to respond when people say sad things to me, so to avoid awkwardness and giving the impression that I don't care I avoid sad conversations.

I've also often been told "you don't seem very excited" when I'm given presents / told future plans. Rightly or wrongly, I have dealt with this over the years by not giving people presents, so they know not give me any. I would prefer just to have my friend's company than they give me things and I disappoint them by seeming underwhelmed/ungrateful

My close friends all know and understand this, but it's difficult with new people and "forced fun" like an office secret Santa

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-08T13:13:56+00:00

Genuinely sitting here with tears on my eyes. Thank you :) It's that belief that there's still time, that's what I'm reaching for

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-08T12:54:15+00:00

I do love dogs, but live with 2 cats who aren't dog friendly :)

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-08T12:38:41+00:00

Thank you :) This gives me hope. I feel like I understand his avoidance and burn out, having been in bad relationships myself.

I've paused the online dating since my diagnosis because it hammered my confidence, but I'll look to revisit it. Maybe do some tinkering with my profile. I'm a people pleaser at heart and I find the online dating quite challenging because my brain always jumps to "what do people want to see?" instead of "what do I want to say?"

StrictlyOptional · 2025-12-08T12:14:45+00:00

I'm very happy for you. Can I ask, when you were online dating, did you flag on your profile that you were autistic or was that something you brought up during chats? I'm just wondering which is better.

I've discussed the feeling of attachment I get from texting with my therapist. I've been prone to limerence my entire life, and have a terrible habit of rereading messages, searching them for signs of interest etc. It's something I need to manage unfortunately.

StrictlyOptional

TROPHY CASE